Lord of the cheap lagers (Carling Lager)

Member Name: stephen_logan

Product:	Carling Lager
Date:	23/01/02 (436 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Not too bad taste, Extremely cheap to buy, Not too bad alcohol percentage

Disadvantages: Taste is not to everyones satisfaction, dehydrates you afterwards

Carling, my most cherished of beverages, it may not have the taste quality or alcohol content of a Kronenbourg, but it is cheap. Carling is a middle strength lager at about 4.1%, nothing too special there, it is quite refreshing and crisp in taste but its redeeming feature is its price. Carling can be found in pubs and clubs for as little as £1.50, it is a very common beer in my part of the country and is normally one of the ubiquitous beers, so that it is found in pretty much every bar.

You may detect through the course of this opinion that Carling is not only one of my favourite drinks but is also like a friend to me. I know everybody hates it and believes that it resembles muddied tap water, but I have made a connection with it. Anyway on with the opinion.

The Product

Taste
Carling has quite a distinct taste, it isn’t the most beautiful taste in the world, but there again more importantly it isn’t the worst. It is a classic lager really extremely bubbly and best when ice cold. Its taste is very sharp and crisp, but isn’t really something to savour over a prolonged period of time. It is easily more palatable than some of its closest contenders including Carlsberg, Heineken and Fosters. The taste does become rather obsolete though after 4 or 5 so it isn’t really a problem.

For the price you cant really match this taste, although if you are willing to spend more you will get a more fuller taste. So I will give taste quite a generous 4/5

Colour
When you see perfect pints pulled on TV they are always that orangey brown clear beer, well that is basically what Carling looks like when pulled. It looks like what beer should look like, it isn’t too light and aesthetically putrid such as Budweiser, and it isn’t too dark and murky like a Heineken export. It has a certain hypnotic quality because it so beautiful (personally speaking) to behold. If all beers had this colour t
he public houses the world over would be a far brighter and more aesthetically pleasing place.

It looks absolutely perfect, it is unchallenged in this department I am afraid, a very attractive beer 5/5

Head
A Carling head is a pretty fine head. You can safely fill the pint up to the line and then have a nice head to reach the top of the glass. It isn’t as solid or as durable as a stouts head (Guinness or Caffereys) but for that brief moment of purchase it is a nice substantial head of about 1–2 centimetres. The head is gone as quickly as it came though, undoubtedly because it consists of little more than carbonated beer bubbles. But briefly there is an opportunity to view how a pint should look, with a perfect colour and a full head.

It is good while it lasts but is very quick to disseminate back into its creator in readiness for its final sacrifice. 4/5

Durability
It is very hard not to like Carling, especially when you consider its lager rivals. Few can compare to the economic factors, and of those few who can have nowhere as near the same quality and taste. It is very easy to get into a rhythm drinking Carling, because you know that when you hit about 5 your previously astute taste buds will no longer function in the way that they should. Therefore from 5 onwards you will no doubt be burping every 10 seconds but who cares you are now free to go on and break your personal best (more on this later). The taste of Carling is crisp and sharp so if you don’t like the taste I wouldn’t worry too much because it doesn’t hang around disturbing your senses for too long.

The taste swiftly moves on, and you can quite easily consume a good double figure of pints in one night when the 5 barrier is broken. The taste may go but your need for more will remain, a solid 4.5/5

After effects
Here is where you may come slightly unstuck, Carling is a very heavily carbonated beverage,
so them bubbles usually come back to haunt you. PUBLIC WARNING: THE FOLLOWING ADVICE SHOULD BE UPHELD IF YOU WISH TO IGNORE IT DO NOT ATTEMPT WITHOUT PROPER EXPERT SUPERVISION. Downing a Carling, you will need a good gut and an ability to sprint to the toilets as quickly as you can. This is a dangerous pursuit, so dangerous in fact that not even Steve Irwin, a guy who lay in a Komodo dragons nest will attempt it. For some reason Carling was not created to be downed, it is so gassy that if you avoid vomiting you will almost certainly get wind or exaggerated hick-ups.

Carling usually visits you again either the night of consumption or the following morning, in one form or another. If you escape chronic wind and frequent toilet visits to alleviate the stress you are either doing extremely well or you didn’t drink enough. One positive is that I have never ever been sick following even the heaviest Carling sessions. Carling doesn’t give me a hangover either, it dehydrates me like there is no tomorrow, but at least there is no hangover to worry about.

Some very scary things happen inside your body after drinking Carling, so don’t be too surprised if you do find that the after effects are less than pleasing and come in copious quantities. Not the worst though so a middle of the road 3/5

Alcohol content
At 4.1% it isn’t the strongest lager, but then more importantly it isn’t the weakest either. It gives a lot of other similarly priced beers a good run for their money in this department. I can usually consume 7 or 8 before the haze envelops me. If you are able to consume a lot of beer and don’t mind doing so in order to get the desired affect this is perfect for you. Similarly if you are a bit of a lightweight and don’t feel too good about put your Stella down and get a Carling you can easily get through 5 or 6 before you are on your knees.

This is a very good medium strength beer
perfect for a lot of people out there, apart from those who need to get drunk without consuming anything. So I will give another excellent 4.5/5
Cost
In a bar you can probably get a good pint of Carling for about £1.70 on average. However if you have a free house or extremely lenient house members, and an Asda close by don’t go in for that hurly burly over priced watered down pub beer and pick up a crate of 24 for a miserly £11.95, yes £11.95 and get the lads or lasses around. When first I came across this promotion of thought my eyes were deceiving me in a most cruel and inhumane way, I went in to investigate with some other friends and it was true 50p a can. That is a third of the price charged in pubs, and with a couple of these you can have a whole crowd of friends getting very merry.

A marvel for those who don’t have too much to spend, so cheap you wont even want to look at another beer again. 5/5 superb value for money

Competition
There is no competition really, well not in the economy beer section anyway. There are undoubtedly better lagers in the world but you have to pay for that quality I am afraid. Carling really does blow its competitors away with its alcohol content and quality. Once you try one you should be feeling disgust for why you once chose to drink other similarly priced beers such as Fosters, Carlsberg and Heineken. The three previously mentioned beverages give economical beer a bad name; they don’t have half the qualities for which Carling is attributed. Leave the rest and choose the best.

No competition at all, Carling wins the cheap beer category hands down. 0/5 for the competition I am afraid.

Personal experience
I have been drinking carling for a good few years now, in fact when I was about 4 or 5 I almost got hooked on the stuff, because on the good old Saturday afternoons whilst watching the football scores come in I would often share a bit of the can with
my dad. 11 years down the line and the memories remained and once again I tried it out, I had received my calling no more cider for me, just cheap quality lager. Me and Carling have had some great memories together, with perhaps the most fond memory being when I decided that anything William Hague can do I can at least equal, and promptly did 20 pints in 6 hours (please don’t try this at home). If we are ever having a soiree of friends at a house the first thing to purchase is always at least one big crate of Carling from Asda. I now have a beer gut dedicated to the memory of all those Carlings that lost their battle for survival from my local. Thank you Carling you have enriched my life.

Well that concludes my thesis on Carling and its consumption, I hope you have enjoyed this experience and now feel an ever so slight urge to conform with the nations students and try a Carling. There is no opposition in the economy beer category Carling is victorious on all counts. Save yourself some money and get rid of that expensive cattle urine (Stella Artois) and join the other side, vive la revolution.

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