I like roughing it... (John Smiths Extra Smooth)

Member Name: magpie

Product:	John Smiths Extra Smooth
Date:	27/03/01 (319 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Its wet

Disadvantages: Tasteless, expensive, cold and boring

I approach the bar slowly, this is foreign territory for me. The pub is brightly lit, music is blaring out, and there are no proper beer pumps in sight. Someone next to me is yelling into their mobile phone.

Cautiously, I speak to the young thing behind the bar, and order John Smiths Extra Smooth. Normally, in the modern theme pub environment I'll just go for the lager. Fizzy, tasteless, but drinkable and reliable. I'm being brave this time, and trying what they call bitter.

The pint arrives. It is cloudly, with a thick head settling on top. Condensation forms on the side of the glass. Alarm bells start ringing in my head.

Firstly, beer should NOT be cold. It should be served at about 10 degrees C. This beer is so cold I'm suprised ice isn't floating in it.

Eventually the head settles, at nearly 1 inch, I ask for the rest of my pint. (With such a big head, you really are missing about one tenth of what you are entitled to). The gormless youth in the theme pub teashirt looks at me daft.

So far then, its a dissapointing experience. I can hardly hold the glass, its too cold, and I can hardly find my beer through the head.

I dive in. The first problem is that head again - all over my upper lip (and even on my nose), it is cold, and unpleasant. On my second attempt I find some beer.

As I might have figured from the glass, the beer is actually so cold I can't tell if it has any taste at all. As I make my way through the pint, I discover it doesn't have any taste. Or smell. In fact, this could be very expensive water. There is no 'finish', theres no start either.

Obviously, this isn't a beer that impresses me. There are several things wrong with it, most important being the lack of taste, and it being too cold. Its also dead. You see, proper (by which I mean cask) beer is alive. Literally. It carries on fermenting in the barrel, and it is the
yeast fermenting that gives it the bubbles. This beer is dead. So dead it could be an ex-beer, pining not for the fjords, but for some tender loving care. The beer has been killed, and the bubbles are put in artificially by nitrogen and carbon dioxide, compressed. It makes it easier for gormless person behind the bar to look after the beer you see. It produces a consistent, but dull product.

So I won't repeat my John Smiths experience, and I will know in future to avoid beer that calls itself smooth. I like my beer like my men, with a touch of rough.

Summary: