Sitting on a Park Bench with Jiminy Cricket's Relation (Kronenbourg 1664)

Member Name: marandina

Product:	Kronenbourg 1664
Date:	21/04/02 (1350 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Crisp, clean taste

Disadvantages: Can't think of any

So there I am sitting on a park bench in Paris. Spring is in the air, daffodils have free reign on the horizon and the atmosphere has that lovely warm, friendly feel to it. In the background resides the monolithic Eiffel Tower. What’s a fella to do on a day like this? It seems that there are 3 options: (a) enjoy the day with the love of my life (b) share some time with my favourite pet giraffe or (c) discuss my literary shortcomings with the resident Community Guidester.

Only problem is (a) I ain’t got one (don’t tell my wife),(b) the giraffe belongs to another writer and (c) the resident Community Guide is making a chocolate salad. So blow all that and I’ll have a drink of the classical French bier – Kronenberg 1664.

However, the shortcomings in my writing still need addressing so wandering up La Avenue is Jiminy Croquet (related to THE cricket only this is the up-market sporting version). He plonks himself down and we get chatting about how to put together a reasonable beer opinion.

"Right, firstly you need to tell your reader what the product is without all of that gabbling you usually end up doing." Jiminy tells me kind of assertively.

"Hmmm...OK, well Kronenberg is a premier French lager beer. It is part of the Scottish and Newcastle Group. Established as a FTSE 100 company, S & N was formed in 1749 and currently employs in excess of 40000 people, Brasseries Kronenberg for its part is France’s largest brewer.

As you’d expect, there is an S& N website at scottish-newcastle.com although perhaps more relevant is the Kronenberg site at Kronenberg.co.uk. It is decked out in the Kronenberg colours of dark blue and features a section on the beach soccer tournament from last year featuring the mercurial Eric Cantona. Also there are some games and downloads including the witty commercials that fuel Kronenberg’s success and a section on K1664 parties where it se
em that the company will add to your festivities if you are willing to allow it to use any subsequent photos etc for future campaigns. Et finalment (bit of French for yer there) a section including competitions where you can win Peugeot scooters.

Concentrating on the French connection itself, in 1664 Jerome Hatt put his seal on his first barrel of beer. He went on to start brewing his own brand of beer in the centre of the city of Strasbourg at the Canon Brewery. In the 1850’s the brewery was transferred to the higher grounds of Strasbourg known as Cronenbourg due to flooding problems from the local river.

In 1922 the Tiger Brewery entered the fold and the original brewery of Hatt’s began producing "Tiger Bock". It was only in 1947 that they took up the Kronenbourg name.

Kronenberg now represents the major force in France and is a well-established brand in the UK helped, as ever, by large budget advertising campaigns. The latest, of which, featured a very attractive lady seemingly distracting a range of men into having a series of accidents when all along it was the glass of Kronenberg that they were all looking at (I wasn’t but then what does that say about me?)

Jiminy looks up at the sky and rolls his eyes. "OK, you’ve covered the mandatory bits but what about the darn product itself? Your reader wants to know what’s he or she is getting for their hard-earned."

I’m sure that the sage like cricket was wishing that he was doing his latest baby sitting stint with Pinocchio rather than sitting here with me. I look down at the dark green bottle in my hands and search for the words to describe it. Think man, think!

"Hmmm...well this is a lovely 750ml bottle retailing at £1.99. It has the Kronenberg flash at the top of the bottle with the numbers 1664 shaped into the glass around the main body. The flash features the Kronenberg coat of arms featuring 2 lio
ns either side of a heraldic crest. Emblazoned across the bottom are the words "Brasseurs depuis 1664" meaning brewers since 1664. This statement is made in French again to the left whilst on the right there is a French reflection of the brewers concentrating on quality."

Jiminy looks at me re-assuringly but with a hint of frustration. "So what the blinkin’ ‘ell does it taste like?" he bellows (loud voice for a small insect).

"Oh.." I mutter and put the bottle to my lips. Always the best bit, I sup the aforementioned product trying to be classy like those people on The Good Food Show (or whatever it’s called. You know, that one with the posh dame that tries all of the different wines). "This baby is a colourful 5.2% abv which will get you going after a few. It has a clean, crisp taste. It’s kinda light, ever so slightly sweet although nothing like Budweiser. The consistuents are, as you’d expect, barley, water, hops and yeast. It has a lovely amber colour and appears refreshing before you even drink it.

Kronenberg 1664 is freely available in most supermarkets, off-licences and what have you and also comes in the popular can form. I often look out for the 3 for the price of 2 deals at my local Tesco where I can pick up 3 lots of 4 cans for the price of 2 lots."

He was beginning to look a little happier now. We appeared to have covered most of the options. "So do you thinks folks will like it?" I asked with trepidation.

"Well, let’s think. We’ve covered the history, the taste, the ingredients and we’ve thrown in some stuff about brand, advertising and even a little bit about the web site. What’s missing?"

We both sat around for a few minutes, me clutching my Kronenberg, Jiminy his little umbrella. "What about humour?" I asked.

"Do you think we need humour?" Jiminy enq
uired. "After all, some like it straight you know? Besides, I can’t stand around here all day, I have another film too make."

"Are you sure?" I ask "I thought your relation Jiminy Cricket was the film star?"

"Used to be, he’s retired now. Nobody can tell the difference anyway. Alright, in answer to your question then but you still haven’t said whether you recommend the product." Jiminy looks edgy now and in a rush.

"Ooh yeah, 5 stars, one of me favourites!!" I exclaim. "Back to humour then. I’m not sure." I ponder. "Do you think this was humorous, after all?"

Jiminy had gone. Other things to do you see?

Thanks for reading.

Marandina.

p.s. I never did ask him why he didn't get a role in "A Bug's Life"

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