The Mighty Have Fallen (Sainsbury's Classic Cola)

Member Name: Frankingsteins

Product:	Sainsbury's Classic Cola
Date:	16/09/07 (176 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Competitive, middle-of-the-road quality, and health-conscious improvements to diet range.

Disadvantages: Unreasonable and sudden doubling in price sort of ruins the point.

If I was writing this review a year ago, it would undoubtedly be a five-star affair filled with praise for Sainsbury’s commendable achievement in marketing an affordable alternative to the more expensive big-name cola brands, whilst skilfully avoiding the pit-falls that often make budget brands undrinkable. I’ve now long been over my once tragic cola addiction that lasted from about the age of four to sometime earlier this year, and as I couldn’t afford to be too picky with my choice of junk, these 34p bottles provided an excellent option to keep me from bankrupting myself with the slightly tastier but sadly far too expensive Coca-Cola and Pepsi, which commonly retailed for over £1 even when accompanied by a special offer. Unfortunately, in their idiocy (or perhaps because the product simply wasn’t profitable), Sainsbury’s stores have increased the price drastically since, to over double the original figure. When I first saw the new price tag of 69p I was distressed and angry, and more recently I’ve spotted a further increase to 79p.

Now that I can drink cheaper and healthier alternatives such as water (from the invigorating spring of my bathroom tap) I laugh in J. Sainsbury’s face as I pass his expensive product by, now no longer worth buying for its slightly inferior quality to other products that can be bought for around the same price, or perhaps a little more. Of course, I wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass by to snag a few bottles when I spotted them in the reduced section for 20p (I’m not sure of the reason, they don’t appear damaged, but if no more new reviews pop up from me next week you can make your own judgements), as although I no longer crave the sickly texture and unpleasant gaseous sensation, it’s still the best drink to have on hand by the beside when awakening with the threat of a hangover. I don’t usually opt for a diet equivalent of drinks, but in this case the offer forced my hand, allowing for a full analysis of its alleged benefits to the drinker’s health (or more accurately, the amount of damage lessened by drinking diet).

Although each major supermarket has its own brand cola drink, all of which taste roughly the same (and I would know), Sainsbury’s ‘Classic Cola’ was designed specifically as a rival for the bigger brands not only in terms of its excellent budget price, but for its inherent quality. The attempt was quite successful, though I would argue no more than Asda or Tesco cola which taste roughly the same (not Morrisons though, if memory serves), and although it can taste a little cheap, the proportional scale of quality verses price was greatly in its favour before the price increase, when it dropped significantly and is thus no longer really worth bothering with. At the lower end of the scale, Sainsbury’s Basics Cola is undrinkable, leafy-tasting, brown unpleasantness in a bottle for 21p (used to be 18p) but for less than twice that low price (originally), cola fans would be greatly satiated by this fair approximation of ‘the real thing.’ There are still a few signs of its budget origins remaining, such as the overpowering gassy smell as opposed to a true aroma, the rough-edged screw-top lid and prevalence of a layer of ‘head’ inside the opened bottle that takes a couple of hours to vanish, but anyone who wouldn’t give it five stars for quality, and then reduce that to three when the price became unreasonably extortionate, would be quite the cola snob. Or simply someone who doesn’t like stupidly fizzy carbonated soft drinks that potentially rot their teeth and liver.

The diet equivalent of Classic Cola is disappointing in the way all diet versions are for people more accustomed to the sugary versions, and seems to have far less of a distinctive taste than the customary red version, even bordering slightly on the edge of Basics Cola/Happy Shopper Cola/any budget cola brand whose name includes the words ‘American,’ ‘Star’ or ‘Pop.’ To make up for this lack of taste are some impressive statistics that feasibly make this less damaging for the drinker’s health, boasted by the brightly coloured ‘wheel of health’ adorning the front of the bottle’s label, which is unexpectedly all-green. Each 250ml serving (a standard glassful) is said to contain only a single measly calorie, with 0.3g of sugars and only slight ‘traces’ of fat, saturated fat and salt. This is bad news for me as I tend to enjoy quite a lot more than 0.3g of sugar in my fizzy drinks, though trying to add it yourself is probably unwise. The same goes for calories: delicious! Sainsbury’s commitment to producing a health-conscious fizzy drink shouldn’t be underestimated however, as the reverse of the label makes sure to mention the lack of Benzoate and ever-controversial Aspartame in this drink, which is sweetened with the presumably less bad Sucralose. Don’t ask me, I always feel under-qualified when reading the ingredients list on bizarre chemicals such as this. The flavouring is also said to be all natural, as is the standard dark brown colour of the drink – it’s not just there to look pretty.

The same storage and usage principles apply as for any fizzy drink, the option to refrigerate being down to individual taste or perhaps the state of the climate, and although the bottle instructs customers to drink within three days of opening, I find that this diet version becomes flat quite a lot quicker than that, the last of my hangover remedy tasting quite bland and a little unpleasant within 24 hours of opening. These bottles follow all the other supermarkets in stealing the internationally recognised Coca-Cola colour schemes of red and silver to distinguish between regular and diet versions, but the text plays it safe by being typed in a neutral serif font, rather than riskily inviting an Asda-type lawsuit for being too similar to the real thing. The most recent (expensive) line of these drinks feature the same image on both diet and regular versions of a glass filled with ice cubes and tasty-looking cola, and like most products in Sainsbury’s latest packaging re-design, the image of the product is presented as a somewhat disconcerting extreme close-up that winds up about double the actual size. I mean it when I say disconcerting: as well as being quite impractical in this instance, only being able to fit on a small section of the glass, I was actually a little freaked out when browsing the supermarket’s biscuit section and being presented with all these monstrous, oversized chocolate digestives and bourbons. I’ll hand it to Sainsbury’s: they know how to make biscuits scary. It goes without saying that this product is only available at Sainsbury’s supermarkets and smaller Sainsbury’s stores, but I thought I’d still say it anyway. You know what some people are like. Well that about rounds it all off nicely, is there anything I’ve forgotten to mention? Ah yes –

And the taste? Well, the sugary version is quite caramelly and sweet in a way many cheaper colas fail to be, and is really quite nice, but the diet is less appealing. I’m always quite disappointed with the taste of diet cola drinks in general, but this is fair enough knock-off for it not to really matter. I’d say that this tastes more similar to Pepsi than Coca-Cola, but of course I may be being swayed by the sugar-free familiarity of Pepsi Max. It’s a very fizzy drink, not overpowering but very prevalent even for a long time after pouring. The initial froth is nothing too major, and is noticeably looser in the diet version due to the lack of sugar, and it does make the overall experience a little less pleasant than it otherwise would be. Like Coca-Cola, the initial smell factors largely into the illusion of taste, and the smell of Classic Cola is quite unpleasantly gassy and rather more cola-y than the expensive brands tend to be, reminding me of cola-flavoured still drinks, ice lollies and sweets from my childhood. There’s even something slightly metallic about it, and it leaves quite an unpleasant after-taste in the mouth, especially when drunk flat, while the sugar version leaves the usual irritating film behind all over the surface area of the drinker’s mouth and teeth. For 34p this was all to be expected, and the drink performed above and beyond expectations, but 79p is a little too much to ask for what is still essentially an average middle ground between the horrors of budget cola and the heights of the big American names.

I’d recommend Sainsbury’s Classic Cola and Sainsbury’s Classic Diet Cola only if the other alternatives are far too expensive, but similar varieties varieties of Coke and Pepsi can commonly be found in 2 for £2 offers and the like, the extra 21p being an acceptable cost for this upgrade to first class. Other supermarket brands are also well worth trying, though I haven’t had them in a while and I’m out of touch with the prices. I hope they haven’t followed Sainsbury’s example, though I feel deep down that the days of high quality, low cost cola are now behind us. But that’s okay, I hardly ever drink the rubbish any more. Three stars.

Summary: Cola Chronicles, Chapter III.