Where am I? (Scrumpy Jack)

Member Name: kingsraconteur

Product:	Scrumpy Jack
Date:	05/06/09 (40 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Tastes fantastic, intoxicates fast, summer and cider yum

Disadvantages: It will erode your brain, steals time and you don't know what you're doing

Oh, this product is betwixt and between for me. It's giving me a major headache (it certainly will after drinking it if you're lucky enough to remember it) so I'm going to give it three stars. I'll tell you now it'll be 5 stars for some people and 1 for others, it all depends on that individual. So, me, being a bottle job (even if it does come in cans) will pitch it at 3.

Ok, let's indulge in a bit of time travel. I haven't got a tardis (I've a Fiesta instead) but I recall a summery day way back in around 1993 or was it 1994. Anyway, work was over and we decided to reward ourselves with a little journey to the local hostlery for some well earned liquid refreshment.

I remember a friend of mine saying how he got zonked on Scrumpy Jack and I laughed it off and promptly ordered myself a pint of apples. (Ok, I will be reviewing the 'on-tap' version but trust me the result will be the same).

The taste (From what I can remember!) was very crisp and pleasant. In fact I couldn't get enough of the stuff and was soon heralding the barkeep for a refill. Heat, alcohol, a willingness to get bladdered and a unquenchable thirst were hastening me to a most befuddled state of mind! I remember feeling very pleased with this drink but then I'm afraid my memory fails. In fact I can't seem t o r e m emb e r an y thi...

Wipeout. That's what happened to my mind after that. I don't recall getting home, in fact I wonder how I did! All I know is the next day my conciousness stirred and I had a most infandous headache. My throat felt as if it had been shredded by an undigested porcupine and I remember feeling as dry a barren stone in the centre of death valley. Death, hmm, I imagine that's how I felt!

With bleary eyes I discerned the time of 7:30 and thought, well, that's not too bad for a Sunday morning. Despite my nauseous state, a ravenous tumoult was wreaking havoc in my belly and I plodded off for some much needed sustenance.

It was with some confusion when I heard the strains of Coronation Street emanating from the living room. I thought it most unusual for it to be on so early in the morning. Of course, dull realisation crept upon me. The sun was lower in the sky than it should be, the day was waxing not rising. I had slept right through to 7.30 the next evening.

I was stupefied. Nothing had ever happened like this before. Of course I'd been bladdered many a time but not to the extent where I'd lost a whole day! In three hours I would have to return to my slumber to be ready for work upon the morrow. It was an absurd situation I was in but at least I did get well and truly oiled!

And there you have my experience with this devil's brew. Not lightly have I heard cider called 'brain rot' and I can inform you that it will certainly erode your mind cells! The worst thing is, for a drink that will send you to the land of the sot it is so damn nice. I've found in the past that strong lagers really don't taste that pleasant. You can taste the alcohol but the flavour is normally rather noxious. Not this one.

So we come back to my rating of 1 and 5 stars. Let me put this way. If you want a nice few drinks on a summer's day to induce a state of serenity then this is a 1 star product. However, if you're looking for a tasty drink and to get out of your nut in hardly any time at all then this is nectar from the Gods and will earn it's five stars. It all depends just how intoxicated you wish to be.

Form me it leaves memories. It's just a shame that Scrumpy Jack eroded most of them :D

Summary: The devil's brew :D