Nipples Like Organ Stops (Smirnoff Vodka)

Member Name: Sexy Kay

Product:	Smirnoff Vodka
Date:	16/05/01 (4789 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Many ways to have it

Disadvantages: The next morning

(Note: Some of the capital letters are missing from this review. No idea why. I've tried to correct this a couple of times but without success. Must be Dooyoo gremlins at work!)

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The sun was doing as it should and I had a Smirnoff fire burning in my tummy. I was in deepest Devon with my BoyFriend on a 'duty' weekend. His long lost cousin was getting engaged and was having a party, whoopee! Well not really, I'd never met her and had been told that she loved fox hunting - so there was little chance of us hitting it off.

The afternoon before the jolly old bash I dragged BF reluctantly down to the beach for a walk. I wasn't in his good books! Out of frustration I'd attacked the bottle of Smirnoff he had bought as a present for his 'mummy' - again not exactly my kind of woman. She's alright really, I suppose, for someone who speaks as if she has the remnants of a slice of lemon in her mouth. She does love her Smirnoff though, which was probably why I'd got stuck into it! I normally hate the stuff and drink red wine.

Mrs. Mummy, of course, has to have her Smirnoff in a certain way:

5 cl of vodka
2.5 cl of fresh squeezed lime
7 Up lemonade

The vodka has to be poured into a tumbler over five - yes five - ice cubes, covered with the fresh lime juice and then topped up with 7 Up. Oh yes, and a garnish of a twist of lime. I gave her lime cordial, supermarket lemonade, two ice cubes and a twist of lemon when she came to visit me.

•Commercial Break•
•The Smirnoff story started in Moscow when, in the 1860's, Piotr Smirnov founded his vodka distillery called P.A.Smirnov. His success was assured after his company became the first to use charcoal in the filtration process. In 1886 he gained the title of 'Official Purveyor to the Imperial Russian Court'. Then tragedy. In the 1900's came the Russian Revolution
when the Bolsheviks confiscated all private industries, including Smirnov.•

BF and I were on the beach and, encouraged by the vodka taking effect, I decided I wanted a swim. BF said I couldn't possibly as it would be too cold and I didn't have a swim suit.

So I went for a swim! I stepped out of my skirt and top and into the sea. He was right about it being cold! I remember thinking how my nipples were sticking out like organ stops. I wasn't exactly sure what organ stops were, but I'd read this description in a trashy novel and felt sure it was appropriate.

By now BF had a face like thunder. He was worried how my damp clothing would look to the hotel staff where we were staying. I giggled and said there would be no one there to notice. As we approached the hotel I realised I was wrong. Yes, waiting to greet us was his mother and father! I think mummy must have had a whole lemon in her mouth this time as she surveyed my bedraggled, almost see through clothing. His father was OK though and seemed to share my interest in organ stops!

•Commercial Break•
•In the 1920's Vladimir, son of Piotr Smirnov, fled Russia with his father's vodka formula. Eventually he set up production in Paris calling the company Smirnoff, the French spelling of his name. Vladimir met another exiled Russian, Rudolph Kunett, who thought the drink would be suitable for the USA market. They set up a USA operation in 1934 which was eventually bought out by the drinks company Heublein.•

Back in our room I was sure BF was going to burst a blood vessel, of the wrong kind. I had another Smirnoff to help reduce the importance of his words and smiled at him with my very best I'm sorry (but not really) expression.

I got ready for the party and, of course, BF didn't like my dress, "Too short and too low". I noticed how his nostrils flared with annoyance. I loo
ked for the Smirnoff bottle but he'd hidden it.

The party had begun when we got there and I was introduced to all sorts of people, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends. Several got me drinks. "Double vodka and two ice cubes, but it must be Smirnoff", I requested, trying to give the impression that I knew what I was talking about.

Then I met Uncle Tom who just happened to play the organ in the local church. "Tell me all about organ stops", I giggled. He gazed down the front of my dress and said something about how if you pull them it did something or other and I went into hysterics. BF came over to rescue him and for some reason I lapsed into Russian. Not that I know the language, it was more of an accent. "'Ello Darlink", sort of thing.

•Commercial Break•
•Smirnoff is now sold in 150 countries and they sell six bottles every second - this is half a million bottles a day.•

The remainder of the engagement party has mostly been erased from my memory but I did learn that short dresses and Russian dancing aren't compatible, especially to 'Lady in Red', the engaged couples 'special' song - yuk! It wasn't so much fox hunting, more like beaver spotting. It seemed a good idea to my Smirnoff train of thought ... Vodka ... Russia ... Red ... Dance by squatting and stretching out legs ...

I was taken back to the hotel in total disgrace. All I remember was thinking that it was terribly funny that I wanted some, "Parrots eat 'em all. Give me some parrots eat 'em all and I'll be alright".

Oh dear, next morning!

I was pretty certain that my tummy didn't want my head to be higher than my feet. BF said that I had to get up as we were meeting his mother and father for breakfast. Breakfast!

After a very cold shower, which I noticed had the same effect as the sea, I somehow got to the hotel
breakfast room. Through the haze I saw Mrs. Mummy's nose flaring in and out in unison with BF's. A family trait I thought and I had this awful vision of BF holding two children, the three of them flaring their noses at me. I shuddered at the thought and tried to sip some coffee.

I developed a bit of a taste for vodka that night but think it will be wise if I stick to red wine in future. At first the Smirnoff tasted like fire water but after a few I started to enjoy the feeling as it hit the back of my throat and lifted my own spirits.

I should probably have had a mixer with it or made into a cocktail. A 'Menage a Trois' sounds quite nice for a sunshine day. I'm still talking cocktails here! You'll need:

2.5 cl vodka (Smirnoff, of course)
3.75 cl strawberry juice
2.5 cl coconut cream
2 tablespoons of chocolate ice cream.

Blend it all together quickly and sprinkle with grated chocolate and garnish with a strawberry. I'm told this should be sipped through a straw.

I'm sure this will be sacrilege to 'real' vodka drinkers who no doubt like their Smirnoff (or other brands) neat. Hey but even James Bond liked Smirnoff Vodka Martinis - shaken but not stirred. He's quite macho and has been drinking this since his first film, which was way back in ancient times - well 1962.

•Commercial Break•
•Smirnoff vodka is made with neutral grain spirit which is blended with demineralised and filtered water. Charcoal from hardwood trees such as maple, birch and beach are used in the filtration process - this is what gives it the crisp, clean taste.•

I can see the appeal of vodka as it can be drunk in so many ways, with different mixers and combinations, as a short or long drink and either drunk as normal or sipped through a straw.

Something for everyone (over 18), this Smirnoff. I'm working on my own cocktail calle
d Nipples Like Organ Stops. It'll have a cherry for garnish, will be a long drink and the idea is to drink the cocktail while keeping your cherry in tact. So far I've got as ingredients: 7
.5 cl of Smirnoff and a cherry, not sure what else at the moment ...

Enjoy!

;-> Kay

P.S. The engaged couple sent me a note inviting us to their place for a weekend as 'the party was such fun'. It appears that there were actually about a dozen of us doing the Russian dancing, so that doesn't sound as 'bad' as I was given to believe. Mrs. Mummy also rang and said I must call her Jacqueline. I said, "OK Jackie". She said, "No, it's Jacqueline, dear", and there was a distinct waft of lemon coming from my phone. Tally-ho!

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