Instructions (tea-drinking for dummies) (Tea in general)

Member Name: mpafp

Product:	Tea in general
Date:	29/08/02 (461 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Mmmmm

Disadvantages: Milk in it

1. Rise, sir, from that semi-recumbent posture. It is most indecorous.

2. Rub your eyes.

3. Yawn.

4. Urinate. Mmmmm.

5. Go downstairs. Fill up your kettle with MINERAL WATER (for the discerning taste).

6. Warm the pot. (I'm not sure why, but it's what old grannies do, and thy know things. Special things.)

7. Put a teabag in the pot (preferably Assam, and none of this nancy tastes-like-manky-water herbal bollocks), taking care to leave the stringy bit over the edge for ease of getting-out-of-bag later.

8. Wait 2.5 seconds.. the kettle has boiled. (You can also tell because it go whh whh whh whheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)

9. Pour hot water from kettle into pot.

10. Leave to brew. Meanwhile, set up the doll's house with a little table. Seat teddy next to dolly and gollywog next to her, and the pig...well...I suppose he can go at the far end. (It should really be male-female-male-female etc.). You are at the head of the table because you are the big boy hard-assed gangsta tea lord. In the ghetto.

11. One cup. Pour. No milk, three sugars. Mmmmm.

12. Drink. Leave dolly et al to sort it out between themselves. Watch them fight. The plebs.

13. You should be left with a healthy layer of sugar at the bottom. Pour in more tea to use it up in the same way you might refill the milk at the end of eating cereal with more cereal. It's green, innit? Environmental-like. Plus it's a good excuse to eat more chocolate wheetos.

14. Sit back and go "aaaaaaah".


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BIT TO PLACATE PEDANTIC RELEVANCE PEOPLE

Tea was made from tea leaves. Originally it was brewed together with the milk. Apparently this tastes completely different. Nice. Tea-rooms provide a relaxed and welcoming environment for intercourse. That's how the empir
e was built. Old aunties are particularly fond of tea, so if you want something from them, use tea. Most people are actually addicted to the caffeine they receive from tea and coffee on a regular basis...BUT THEY DON'T REALISE. It's actually part of a government conspiracy to control us. I f we ever tried to revolt, the government would stop tea supplies and we'd all die.

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Goodnight San Francisco XXXX

Summary: