Red...bush...lol (Tetley Red Bush Tea)

Member Name: ryanando

Product:	Tetley Red Bush Tea
Date:	11/08/08 (352 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Probably better for you than tea

Disadvantages: doesnt taste as nice

---Thank random Deities for that---

It is finally the end of my working week. So what if I am slightly off balance with the rest of the working world? It suits me just fine. Quieter bars mean I get served quicker and give me the added bonus of not having to put up with lousy, scum bag males. You know who you are.

Last weekend was spent drinking myself into oblivion with my trusty lesbian companion. Unfortunately for me, she has recently turned into one of those annoyingly loved up people who spout nothing but gash about their love and how it can climb mountains and overcome...goats...or something. I zoned out after a few minutes.

---Patchy cloud cover, light rain, occasional sun---

This weekend the plan I'm convincing myself I will stick to is as follows:

Stay in. Play Mario Kart. Sleep.

Fun? Well... for me... yes. I'm currently creaming over Mario kart. Likely? No. I will most likely end up spending my weekend in the pub, where all good boys go to drink away their free time.

Since I'm a good boy, I was trying my hardest to bump up my income by trying to find things to search for (yes, I know, strange) Either way, I ended up searching for "tea" since I was indulging in a cup of Tetley at the time. What I found was dull...but I was bored enough to let the Tetley website draw me in.

This is where I made an amazing discovery. Tetley does other stuff too. Given, it's all tea, but hey, it sounded interesting.

---What do?---

When I first saw Red Bush tea I thought "So... it's hippy tea right?". Wrong. Well...maybe right...but it's not half as hippyish as your peppermint and lime infusions or your lemon and live young tasters. It's actually very similar to real tea (by which I mean good ole Tetley and all the other, cheaper variations of it). Since it's from south Africa it has its own, real Afrikaans name. It's called Rooibos (said Roy-Boss) but has been translated for us lazy English speakers to Red Bush.

---What look?---

The dried bits of junk come all handily packaged in a tea bag, the way most tea does. Unless you're posh and like your tea loose. The box has a lovely terracotta colour scheme going on which is fantastic if you only consume things that fit in with certain colour schemes. If you have a red kitchen, it will also fit in quite amazingly. If, like me, you store it on the back of a shelf somewhere, then that won't really matter.

As for what happens when you pour boiling water all over your poor, unsuspecting tea bag...it depends how much detail you want to go into.

***No Detail*** - It looks quite unpleasant. The end.

***Way Too Much Detail*** - It looks similar to what I'd imagine a mashed up digestive mixed with a helping of fag ash and a rather sweetcorn laden turd burger would look like.

As for the colour it turns the water, it is exactly the same as a normal cup of tea. Brown water. Yum.

---How smell?---

The smell is, again, similar to real tea but without the bitter edge to it. It's not exactly an aroma I would want filling my home, but then it's hardly one that is going to get the chance to do so since I don't bathe in the stuff.

---I can haz Flavorz?---

The flavour of this stuff is hard to pin. I was lulled into a false sense of security by the Tetley website (Tetsite) as they kept telling me this stuff is naturally sweet. What they forget is that I could quite happily munch my way through three packs of cookie dough, two packs of sherbet and a partridge in a pear tree and STILL want more sugar. If you have a sweet tooth, then you WILL need something to sweeten this. I will admit it is not at all bitter, but not being bitter does not automatically mean it is sweet. Silly Tetley people.

The Tetsite also tells me this is packed with Flavanoids:- little robotic things that jump all over your tongue and push the buttons that tell you what your flavour for the day is. I would have to disagree. Maybe I have burned my tongue one too many times, maybe they have lied. It has quite a weak flavour. In my mind I want to say it is quite like incredibly weak Tetley tea but I can't actually remember what real tea tastes like now. Oh god. It's taking over.

The lovely people at Tetley have also given their permission for you to have this with milk, lemon, honey or sugar! How brilliant of them. I can't really comment on what it tastes like with anything but sugar since I drink my tea black. Oh yes. I'm one of THOSE people.

---But...why??---

So... why should you drink this? Because I said so. If that is not a good enough reason, first of all may I congratulate you on having a mind of your own. Then I shall give you a few reasons to try and swing you.

Red bush is caffeine free. So you can drink all the coca cola you want, pile in the coffee and guzzle down the chocolate (they put it in everything, don't they!) safe in the knowledge that you are actively lowering your caffeine intake. We'll put you right in line next to those people who order a triple, double cheeseburger meal, large, with extra large fries and...a diet coke since they are, after all...on a diet.

It also has a tonne of antioxidants...which anti-oxidise you! They help keep your body feeling good and can help fight a few of the more nasty diseases. Fantastic, no?...No. Normal tea is packed full of antioxidants anyway. Get a new trick, Red Bush!!

Rooibos can also help regulate your bowels Aka make you go to the crapper and have a nice turd instead of one of those nasty ones, and helping prevent just not pooping at all.

---Price me baby---

For forty of these suckers, you will shell out £1.59 in the magical land of Tesco, where I got them. That's actually quite good in comparison to the other brands which can go as high as £2.30. Yup, you heard me. People actually pay £2.30 for crazy tea.

On the down side it's a fair bit more expensive than the 83 pence you'd be spending if you just stuck to your normal, scummy Tetley bags.

---Thoughts?---

I suppose it's ok. Right now I am only drinking it because I shelled out money for 40 bags. When I am done, chances are I will go back to normal tea. This stuff, as strange as it may sound, does not have a very warm taste to it. It feels much more like a summer drink than one to cuddle up on the sofa with.

Since it is caffeine free, I will probably hit the roof when I get my first cup of real tea again, but I suppose it may be good for me. One last positive side to this posh tea is that it doesn't leave you feeling dried out like I feel normal tea does. This is really quite refreshing. Pity it's also quite bland.

Ps. I feel I should get a medal for avoiding all the smutty ginger jokes.

Summary: A non hippy, hippy tea.