SHOULDN'T THAT BE COFFIA MARIA! (Tia Maria)

Member Name: alma1

Product:	Tia Maria
Date:	14/04/03 (778 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Alcoholic., Taste., Alcoholic.

Disadvantages: Price.

I'm beginning to think I have the alcoholic appreciation of a ten year old. Let me explain further. Occasionally I will drink beer or lager. But, I've never really grown to like the taste that much. On rare occasions, I will actually want to drink beer or lager in the same way, that on rare occasions I will want to drink tea. More usually however, I remain as I was as a ten year old, desperately wanting to like beer, lager or tea, but far more inclined to coffee, fizzy pop and sweet drinks. The popularity of alco-pops convinces me that I'm not alone!

This is where Tia Maria comes in for me. Now I've grown up, (or so it's sometimes rumoured), I want alcohol. But the ten year old in me still wants sweet drinks. This gorgeous drink fits the bill perfectly, (as do many liqueurs). This one is special though, in that I never tire of it. It's like drinking warm, fiery, sweet black coffee, even when it's ice-cold. There is no 'bite' you see. Only a smooth, mellow heat drifting across your mouth and throat followed by a syrupy, sticky coffee essence, which gives the taste buds a slight 'tweak' to wake them up! And that's it. No bitterness, no sourness and definitely no face-pulling alcoholic strangulation of the inner sanctums of your spine. Heavenly.

And the alcoholic percentage in this deceptively smooth drink? 26.5% Vol! Now that's quite a kick for something this easy to drink, so be warned and go carefully with it. It may taste like coffee, but it certainly isn't to be recommended to those tired drivers on the motorway in need of some vital caffeine. Though, unless they were foolish enough to bring their own, motorway service station prices would prohibit such a practice to all but multi-millionaires. I mean, have you seen the mark-up on a simple bag of crisps. However, I digress.

The bottle is a dark brown, coffee colour not surprisingly. The design though is slightly unusual in that it
has extremely wide shoulders. It reminds me somewhat of the animated video for a Gorillaz song. If you've seen it you'll know the one I mean, and if you haven't then the whole comparison will be totally meaningless to you. This is surmounted by a fairly, though not overly, long neck. Perfect for picking up. The bottle cap is red.

The label starts off with dark coffee colour at the top, blending into red, then these two blending into gold at the bottom with Tia Maria in gold lettering over the top of it all. The biggest give-away to the identity of this drink for me, is in fact the gold lettered Tia Maria on the label. I never fail to spot it without thinking, 'That's Tia Maria'! If that were not enough, I would point you in the direction of the picture above, but this being Dooyoo, there's probably going to be a picture of a cabbage or something equally unlikely up there.

A 70cl bottle costs £14.99 at our local Co-op, but bargains may sometimes, though rarely, be had on special offers. It is also available in half bottles, usually about £7.99 and miniatures containing 50ml for about £1.75. This seems to me to be a very expensive way of buying it, since 14 miniatures would be required to make up 70cl, bringing the total cost to £24.50. I cannot believe anyone would want a mere 50ml of the stuff after all. Surely it's just not possible. Nah, it's not possible, is it.

Then there is the 1 litre bottle. The most exciting of all. How much is that one do you ask? I have no idea, since I got mine for Xmas from my best friend (if she hadn't already been my best friend, she would have been after this), and therefore was not party to the purchase price. Obviously, the major advantage of this size bottle, is that it lasts longer. What more do you need. When I say, 'make mine a large one', this is what I mean.

The basis for this drink is rum, bringing to mind pirates and palm trees, and possibly
Jamaica. It comes as a surprise therefore, to discover it being labelled 'Allied Distilleries Ltd., Dumbarton, Scotland'. Well it came as a surprise to me at any rate. Some vague page on the internet claimed it was 'made' in Jamaica though, so your guess is as good as mine. I couldn't find an official Tia Maria web page either, so that was no help.

There you have the basic mechanics of Tia Maria, but what else is it capable of, apart from making you believe you are extremely funny when you've had a few too many. Well, it can be mixed with other things for a start. There is the famous Black Russian, which is sometimes said to be equal parts of Tia Maria and Vodka only, and sometimes includes Coka-Cola. I prefer Coka-Cola in mine, but what the hell, I can drink it without. It just loses much of the all important sweetness and smoothness I was at pains to point out at the beginning of the op, that's all.

Of course you can always add lemonade instead of cola, and call it a White Russian. I call it bl**dy lovely. You can pour it over ice-cream without committing to much of a crime. You can mix it with Baileys, but frankly, I think you'd be mad to. You can apparently put it in coffee but this just sounds like sacrilege to me. Besides, surely the heat would evaporate the alcohol rendering the exercise completely pointless. Maybe I'm just being picky.

I confess I love my liqueurs. Or at least a fair selection of them. But, this for me is still the ultimate one. The 'Daddy' of them all. The glittering prize.

Thankyou for reading.

Summary: