What's Thong? (Myla Tulle Thongs)

Member Name: Peakly

Product:	Myla Tulle Thongs
Date:	14/02/01 (1298 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Your ass'll look mighty fine...

Disadvantages: ...Uncomfortable? I wouldn't know...

I've decided to stick this in the 'other section', because as far as different makes and labels go - I'm hopeless. Wave a bra in front of my eyes, be it any shape or form, I would struggle to even guess which make it is (unless of course I read the label, which is hard enough through crossed eyes).

The thing I want to talk to you about ladies and gentlemen, are thongs. Thongs. Allow me to start with a few favourite quotes:


"You know what gets me? How they can do so much, with so little material..."

- Joey Tribuanie, star of friends


"So I was in this line of people right, and this woman yeah, she leans over right in front of me - man, you should have seen the thong!"

- Brett, my mate


"It's like a permanent wedgie"

- Anonymous, my girlfriend


"Let me see that thong thong thong thong"

- Sisqo, a greying chipmunk


In a move that will both run the risk of trivialising my entire opinion and giving the impression of being nothing more then a horny school-boy (both true), let me confess right now - I'm male. And not even a cross-dresser, either.

Pathetic, huh?
The thing is though, while I might not know a great deal about buying and wearing thongs (not yet, anyway), I can certainly tell you a thing or two about how best to present your thong, and which techniques will most aid your quest to please male on-lookers (feminists - calm down, you all wear baggy tie-dye cords anyway).

- TOKEN DEFINIATION - A thong, by the way, is a small item of underwear worn mainly by women. They are made from less material then traditional knickers (I hate that word...), but are worn in much the same way. For those of you who are 100% ignorant of the thong world, it should be brought to your attention that as of last week, a law has been passed that demands all woman wear thongs all the time,
unless over 50 and/or over-weight. Just in case you didn't know. Honestly! -



---WARNING---POLITICALLY CORRECT SECTION---

The lads down the local are gonna hate me for this...

Firstly, if you genuinely do not want surrounding perverts to catch a glimpse of your smalls (we can pretend you don't do it on purpose, you naughty little scamps...), here are a few tips:

(1) Leaning over when wearing a thong is just plain silly, Brett saw it, and so will everyone else. If you must lower your reach, simply bend at the knees. It's better for your back, anyway.

Dam, I only have THE one tip. It's a good one though, right? You see the things is, the single largest cause of thong-flashing is in people who choose to lean over/bend to pick something up/tie shoe laces/kiss ground etc. Keep those trousers tie-tight, bend at the knees, and all will be fine. Also, try wearing your shirt/tops/jumpers out - not even the oldest of dirty men can spot a thong through layers of clothing. Unless it rains.

---END OF POLITICALLY CORRECT SECTION---


Now, presuming the reasoning behind you wearing the thong is that it looks better then normal knickers (I hate that word...), I can now give you a definite guide to what does, and does not work.

- Thongs that are neither red not black, are generally bland and boring. Purple, pink or silver can be accepted depending on shade, but keep well away from yellows, greens and browns (obviously).

- Thongs made from cotton or silk are best-advised. Treat with caution anyone who offers wooden or brass thongs - they may look good but just aren't practical for washing.

- Transparent thongs or those made from glass often run the risk of appearing too 'sluttish', while equally, those that are hand-knitted in winter-warmer wool can appear a tad prudish. Find a happy-medium.

Follow all of this to the letter, and you
will be well on the way to making good folk dribble.


Just for the purpose of this opinion, I conducted a little research among my female friends, so that I may offer you some 'advantages and disadvantages', that aren't pervert-related.

ADVANTAGES TO WEARING THONGS

(1) Man! You feel like a woman.

(2) Easier to wash.

(3) No nasty panties-line (what ever that is).

DISADVANTAGES TO WEARING THONGS

(1) You probably won't look like the girls on the Sisqo video...

(2) ... Nor those on 'Baywatch'.

(3) Potential risk of accidental 'thong flashing'


I think it's easy to see - thongs, when all the pro and cons are in and measured, rock. So go, young women of today, and purchase a thong according to my guide.

Any queries/confusion? Send photos to the usual address.

Thongs, you gotta love 'em.

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