SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT IN THE PAST (Birds Eye Original Raspberry Arctic Roll)

Member Name: stuleg

Product:	Birds Eye Original Raspberry Arctic Roll
Date:	09/09/09 (75 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It fills a gap

Disadvantages: rubbery sponge, cheap tasteless ice cream

"It's back!" exclaims the excited blurb on the packaging of the Birds Eye Arctic Roll. "I never even realised it had been on holiday" I mumble to myself as I dropped a couple of the frozen desserts into my trolley on a recent trip to ASDA. But secretly I'm excited; you see, I'm big on nostalgia, and the memories of Arctic Rolls scoffed while watching Jackanory or Blue Peter as a schoolboy meant I was always going to try these frozen treats of yesteryear when their comeback was announced in late 2008. In my mind there was always something a little naughty and cutting edge about the humble Arctic Roll - some clever rascal has made a dessert combining cake and ice cream and raspberry sauce! Brilliant! Culinary genius is what it is! At a little under £2 a roll, It's a shame Birds Eye didn't see fit to charge us eighties prices too to really get the nostalgia flowing, but then you can't have your Arctic Roll and eat it - unless you pay a premium, so I reluctantly part with my hard earned cash and head home to sample this frozen delight.

On closer examination I am amazed to see there are preparation guidelines on the box, namely - "take it out the box and let it stand at room temperature for five minutes" - Pastry chefs the length and breadth of Britain must be quacking at Birds Eye's culinary nous. Of course this five minute waiting period allows me to peruse the box and see just what I'm about to consume. Nutritionally speaking your average Arctic Roll is never going to be the healthy option, with each roll racking up 550 calories and 15 grams of saturated fats - three quarters of the recommended daily allowance. The ingredient list does little to lift my spirits either - with far too many unnatural ingredients like reconstructed skimmed milk, pasteurised egg and emulsifier, to name but three. Finally, before I attack the dessert with abandon, it should be noted that these Arctic Rolls are made in a factory that uses nuts, and they also contain wheat, egg, milk and soya - so anyone with allergies relating to any of these should look elsewhere for their frozen dessert fix.

Onto the taste test; and my spoon breaks through the thin sponge easily before meeting resistance against the firmer vanilla ice cream beneath. There is absolutely no scent at all as hold the spoonful to my nose - not a promising start then. And sadly this blandness continues as I place the amalgamation of sponge and ice cream into my mouth. The sponge has an almost rubbery feel to it - not at all cake like and with no discernable flavour. Once the sponge disintegrates the ice cream melts in the mouth, but again there is a real struggle to garner any flavour of note, even the sparse raspberry sauce does nothing to enliven the experience. I was starting to regret my greedy decision to eat the whole roll as I separated some of the sponge from the ice cream for closer examination. And I have to say this flimsy bouncy sponge is a disgrace to the name and not of this world. I'm guessing it's the result of some secret experiment to meld sponge cake with a mouse mat to see what happens; heck I'm off to have another look at that ingredient list to make sure rubber is not one of the constituents! And the ice cream is a disappointment too; come on Birds Eye, just because this is a mass produced dessert doesn't mean you can use poor quality ice cream in it - Ben & Jerry and Haagen Dazs manage to produce massive quantities of ice cream that actually exhibit flavour and texture, surely you can too? Your sponge is tasteless and artificial, your ice cream is cheap and nasty, and even the raspberry sauce is flavourless. If I was paying fifty pence for this abomination I'd feel hard done by, at nearly two pounds I feel completely ripped off. Us consumers can be trusted with sponge that's thicker than two millimetres and has a pleasing texture and flavour, we want a rich, creamy ice cream made with real cream and real vanilla, and we want a nice tart tasting raspberry sauce to bring the ingredients together and make the whole eating experience halfway decent.

Safe to say I'm disappointed then, and really wish I'd never sullied the memory of Arctic Rolls by eating these modern day lumps of crapulence, I truly am struggling to find any saving grace or reason to buy these at all. Apparently there is a chocolate version of the Arctic Roll available; I only hope it's better than this one, it really couldn't be much worse. Personally, if I ever feel the need for a cake and ice cream based dessert in the future, I'll stick a cupcake in a tub of Haagen Dazs, I sure as hell won't be buying an Arctic Roll again. One star out of five from me then - it fills a gap, but then so does a glass of water! My advice would be to save your money and buy a dessert worthy of the name, or indeed go without - that would be preferable, believe me.

Summary: --