Planet earths biggest rip off (Kraft Dairylea Lunchables Pizza)

Member Name: deano76

Product:	Kraft Dairylea Lunchables Pizza
Date:	22/01/03 (565 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None, None, Well, maybe for use as rat poison

Disadvantages: The price, The taste, Everything else

Oh my Lord,
I have just been ripped off in the most bizarre fashion possible.

Somebody, somewhere, must pay for this incredible outrage, what an absolute SKANK!.

What am I talking about?

Kraft Dairylea Lunchables, that’s what I’m talking about.

I was feeling a tad peckish yesterday and went to the shop to purchase myself a snack.
I was looking around and the little light blue square plastic pack caught my eye.
Dairylea Lunchables Pizza – Pepperoni and cheese variety.
I quickly snatched it out of the refrigerator and went to the checkout.

“£1.49 please” said the cashier.

“E, E, E, Excuse me?” I replied sounding a bit like Gareth Gates’s twin brother.

“£1.49 please sir”

I tried not to cause a scene and paid her the money seeing as how the shop was packed to the rafters, then I sauntered home in a mad trance.
A quid and a half for this tiny plastic box, it had better be good.

**THE PACKAGE**

No not the film with Gene Hackman, but the Lunchables box.
‘Fun to eat, no need to heat’ says the slogan.
It had better be bloody fun to eat after the amount I’ve just shelled out.
The package claims to contain 3 pizza bases, 9 pieces of pepperoni, 9 pieces of cheese, a sachet of pizza sauce and a plastic pizza sauce spreader.
When I opened it, the pack contained everything it had promised but was two pieces of pepperoni short.

The plastic pizza sauce spreader contains the dumbest warning that I have ever seen on an English pack. ‘Plastic spreader is not edible’ DUH!
You don’t say? Like I usually go around eating chunks of plastic.

**THE IDEA**

The idea behind it is quite simply to take it with you as part of a packed lunch and be able to handily make yourself three small pizzas.

You take the pizza base and snip open the

pizza sauce and spread it evenly over the base.
Then you top it with Pepperoni slices and cheese to give you a wonderful mini pizza, or so they claim.

**THE REALITY**

The pizza bases are about the size of the top of a can of coke, they taste like a wet digestive and are so unpleasant that you need more than pizza bloody sauce to make them even half edible.
The pizza sauce is quite tasty in itself and the sachet contains well enough for all three bases, the cheese is cut into tiny triangles that are so minute in size, that there might as well not even be any.

The pepperoni slices are even smaller and to add to the insult, they were two pieces short as I have already said.
The smell is awful too, the aroma is like the one you'd usually associate with the inside of a refigerator coated with mould.

The entire contents of this pack must only cost a maximum of 20p and they have the bear faced cheek to charge nearly £1.50.
You could literally buy yourself a pack of chilled meat, a small block of cheese and some crackers from the local supermarket for £1.50, I’ve done it in Morrisons.

**NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION**

Each 97g pack contains:
280 calories
11g of protein
25.5g of carbohydrates
15g of fat
1.6g of fibre
1g of sodium
190mg calcium (24% RDA)

You really don’t want to know what is in the ingredients, all I am saying is that most of the stuff in here comes with three E numbers.
The rest is just disgusting.

**OTHER INFORMATION**

If you have any complaints, of which I have dozens I might add, then there is a free phone help line.
They don’t need to charge for the phone after robbing you blind in the first place.

The pathetic slogan ‘How to com’moo’nicate with us with a stupid looking cow staring at you, gives way to the number.
0808 1000 858

Or you can use the freepost servic
e:
<b
r>Kraft foods UK
Freepost SWC3320
Cheltenham
GL50 3ZZ

And they have an email address too:
Talk2dairylea@Krafteurope.com
OOH! Are they in for some bombardment?

**MY FINAL THOUGHTS**

This Lunchables Pizza was rancid, it was absolutely tiny and I wouldn’t even buy one again if it were on special offer.
Buy one get ten free, sorry not interested.

You can buy three or four varieties of the normal Lunchables with crackers and ham.

Two varieties of this pizza version and there is even a Dairylea lunchables Hot dogs variety. I personally, won’t be trying out any of them.
Take my advice and stay well clear of these pathetic mini meals. Sure they are handy for lunch boxes, but so are packets of crisps, and sandwiches.

For the price you pay for one of these bland snacks you could quite easily fill a Childs lunch box with enough treats to last him all day.

Dairylea, you suck! And you can sue me for it.

If you have any kind of moral sense then avoid these dreadful packs of daylight robbery at all costs.

Thanx for the read

DEANO!

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