| Product: |
Mars Bar |
| Date: |
03/02/08 (170 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: Iconic Packaging. Sugar Injection. Helping you to Work Rest and Play. Cheap Diet Proposal.
Disadvantages: That I even thought about writing this review!
Come on now, you didn't expect a straight review of a Mars Bar from me did you?
Whilst, strictly speaking, you may feel that this review is not entirely to the point in terms of a product review, I hope to offer you enough information to assist in your purchase of not one, but two Mars Bars!
Let it never be said that Richada fails to give you value for money in his reviews!
OK, how come I am posing the question "Mars Bar - Dustbin Item or Museum Piece?"?
Well step back a while in time and join me in an extraordinary rare "free" half hour at work!
Due to a series of financial cut-backs and staff rationalisations (redundancies in plain English non-HR speak) I find myself sifting through a large pile of "scrap paper", a purpose for which I have in mind, but which, truly, is off the subject of this review, suffice to say here that, in order to put said scrap paper through the copying machine, it needs to be crease free and sans-staples. It also needs to be free of company confidential information as once through the copying machine will be for "open distribution" amongst the employees.
I am in a largish room, our print shop, a print shop no longer due to the printer being no longer with us. I am alone, just I and the scrap paper - piles of it. I am sifting quickly - an assortment of faxes, emails and various copied papers when suddenly I stop sifting. My eyes have alighted on something fascinating! A "personal" email which has quite obviously been downloaded on our office PC, from the recipients' private server:
SUBJECT: "eBay Item: Mars Bar 1989 UNOPENED!"
My first thoughts on the matter were that this was a gross breach of the company rules on two scores:
1) Using our internet connection for private purposes (yes it is in the rules, but how on earth do you enforce it?) and:
2) That trading "externally" in company time is a much more serious breach indeed, however worthless the items being traded!
Now, my problem is that this act was carried out by a family member - who for very obvious reasons will remain nameless - with a liking for Mars Bars. Obviously it is not beyond the bounds of possibility that like his email, this review may be read!
The evidence is safely in my custody though, awaiting the appropriate moment!
My second thoughts, rather naturally I think, fell along the lines of 'what on earth use could a 19 year old Mars Bar be to anybody?' - hence "Dustbin Item or Museum Piece?".
Unlike, I suspect, the rest of you, I have never sold anything on eBay, to be honest apart from selling the products that we actually manufacture - confectionary NOT being amongst them - I have no interest in selling and only buy on a strictly "need to have" basis - I have no need for a 19 year old Mars Bar.....
......if any of you do - well, sorry cannot help you - I have no idea if it has been sold or merely rotted away by now!
THOUGHT NUMBER THREE - A MARS BAR REVIEW
It was about then that thought number three had occurred to me!
'Richada, when was the last time you actually ate a Mars Bar?'
Well strictly speaking it was 45 minutes ago, purely research for this review you understand.
NO! The last time? In fact, in all honesty I cannot remember - it was certainly before Easter 2000, I do know that!
So, a chance encounter amongst a pile of scrap paper lead to a chain of events climaxing with my purchasing in our local Post Office, this very afternoon, a regular sized (62.5g) Mars Bar. For 48p I walked out of the shop with a chocolate bar so familiar to millions of people that I feel that I would be insulting your intelligence by describing here what it looks like in its distinctive black, red and gold packet.
If, however you have just arrived on planet Earth and need to identify the subject of this excruciatingly protracted review, there is a picture of a standard Mars Bar above, hopefully enabling you to identify said confectionary should you happen to discover one of the hundreds of thousands of shops, canteens, café's and vending machines from which this item is available.
On the other hand if you just MUST have that 1989 historic item: www...ebay......is your only option!
My "Test Specimen" arrived with a rather more up to date "Best Before Date" of 29.04.08, I am so sorry to disappoint you all but, regrettably, in 2027, due to entirely foreseen circumstances, it will not be able to make an appearance on eBay as a historic, or any other kind of item come to that.
Today, 3rd February 2008, in the interests of market research and rigorous experimentation it was totally and comprehensively er......
......consumed.
Before continuing this review, for legal reasons, I must assure you that no living creature, apart from the author, was harmed in any way due to the execution of this experiment, sorry, I meant consumer research.
I have also to thank my faithful assistant, Mrs R. for her part in this operation, i.e carrying the specimen home undamaged, I was driving!
Unfortunately, whilst opening the wrapper, it had an unfortunate accident, tearing right across the ingredients, rendering the list of them useless for the purpose of this review......
......take it from me, the list is SO long that you could not possibly buy in all those ingredients and make your own Mars Bar. Well maybe you could but at 48p would it really be worth the bother?
Richada's tip Number 1 then, buy it from the supermarket....life is really too short to consider the alternative!
What did surprise me on the less than "mint" (now!) label was that Mars are produced by Masterfoods Ireland, there was me thinking that only the market in Guinness had been cornered by the Emerald Isle.
As you would expect the main ingredient is sugar, pleased to see though that only one E number is listed there: E442. I do not therefore expect to be preserved for ever as the result of conducting this experiment on your behalf.
As a public service I would also point out that in the (very) small print the information panel does mention that the bar contains traces of peanut. If you are among the increasing number of peanut allergy sufferers BE WARNED!
The wrapper is now removed but carefully, although damaged, placed on one side for further analysis. In fact rather than placing the somewhat sticky feeling content directly onto the table cloth we put it on top of the wrapper. At this stage my wife makes a rather critically disparaging remark about the appearance of the chocolate bar, which I am far too polite to repeat verbatim here, you would need to look at a "naked" Mars Bar in order to see if you agree with the following statement:
"Richada? Don't you think that looks rather like an elongated lump of s**t sitting there?"......
......"ummm, well it is rather brown and has an uncannily similar texture on top......"
Now for the remainder of the experiment. Before continuing, my wife has prepared some very good, organic, ground coffee in order to aid and assist my ongoing research.
"Milk chocolate with soft nougat and caramel centre" is what it says on the wrapper. Let's see what it looks like inside......
......ohhhh, what a mess, a sticky mess. My specimen is at 'room temperature' about 21deg.C. My hands are rather warm too. Warm and sticky!
Very sticky!
The nougat is invisible; I wish that the same could be said for the caramel which is running down my chin. Bite once and swallow - the first end of the bar is gone.
My teeth are standing on edge!
"Mrs R! I hope you have the dentist's number handy, by the time this experiment is completed and the other 40g have gone down, she'll be needing to take impressions!"
I have to say that I never possessed a very sweet tooth, even as a child. Nowadays my tastebuds are extremely sensitive, not only to sugar but also salt. In the interests of this review and in order to satisfy you, dear reader, although abandonment of this research was very tempting, I had to see it through to the incredibly non-bitter end.
RICHADA's tip Number 2. If any of you, and I'm sure some of you are, considering a diet, then I'm going to propose a cheap and very simple one for you, in the words of a famous advert:
"A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play!"
For the first time this millennium, I ate a Mars bar. Apart from attempting to wash it down with litres of ground coffee and now fresh fruit, two hours later my mouth is still tasting sickly sweet, my lips are sticky and frankly right now I feel as though I'll be work, rest and playing for the rest of the week without eating another thing!
At 48p per week for food that can't be bad can it?
I have just noticed on the packet the recycling symbol!
Thank goodness, that means through the power of my wonderful digestive system hopefully come the morning my experiment will have completed its full course.
As for that 1989 Mars Bar, well over to you folks......
Dustbin or Museum?
Summary: I'll never eat another Mars Bar!
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