Cottage Cheese Food of Emperors (Oka)

Member Name: Cammij

Product:	Oka
Date:	27/05/02 (603 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Versatile, bland and easy to flavor, cheap

Disadvantages: bland, ugly

This Month, June 2002, has been declared by the United Nations Security Council to be "International Cottage Cheese Month" and in tribute of this I want to explain the versatility of this great cheese product.

Of course if you were a real man like me and grew up on a dairy farm and had 300 Holsteins milked before sunrise you would quit snickering and start reading my recipes.

Cottage Cheese is believed to be invented by Nebuchanezzar in 578 BC. The first written mention of cottage cheese is some cuneiform tablets where he is qouted as saying, "I threw those three Isrealites into that kiln and then I satteth down to eat cheese of the worker summer hut variety" Regrettably future dictators such as Hitler choose to practice the aforemention pogromistic activity rather than hold the latter culinary zeal.

So what is Cottage Cheese? Its a sparkling white curd cheese that comes in a variety of sizes. It is similar to Ricotta cheese except it looks less like fat womens thighs than ricotta cheese. Cottage Cheese is eaten all over the world, From the Hindoos in India to the Slavs of the Russian swamps who have 47 varieties of "Tvorag" to the Amish of Pennsylvania (aka Pretzelvania)it is made from pastuerized milk and has a bland taste because the curds are washed to remove most of teh acids.

So what do you do with this shit? I mean if you are too stoopid to just eat it out of the carton with some hershey's syrup poured all over it with a can of crushed pineapple like everybody else? Or maybe you live in some backward country whose grocery stores don't have ready serve packages with cottage cheese packaged with a little separate cell of strawbeery preserves, coconut cream or chocolate mousse or any other high calorie/no nuitritional value complement that ruins the nuitritional value of the cottage cheese.


Here's what you do with cottage cheese.

Cottage cheese Bread.
Got a bread machine at home and the novelty is wearing thin of the prepackaged kits that aren't any damn good in the first place and you finally realized that fresh bread is good but then without all the preservatives and shit it gets nasty and hard too fast (like this bloke next door). Well try cottage cheese bread. 1 half cup water, 1 cup cottage cheese, 2 tablespoons butter, 1 Egg, 1 tablespoon sugar, 1/4 teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon salt, 3 cups breadflour, 2.5 teaspoons active dry yeast. You load this stuff up into your bread machine and turn it on and it makes bread. I won't give any more directions because any asshole who has a bread machine in the first place has already reduced culinary arts to one touch technology and should know what to do.


Cottage Cheese Pancakes Russian style called Sernickie

1 cup flour, 1 teaspoon baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon baking soda, 2 tablespoon sugar, 4 eggs, 1 pound cottage cheese, oil.

Mix up the dry ingredients, mix eggs and cottage cheese and then dump the dry ingredients in there. Mix them up. Heat up the oil and make 2inch balls and smash the balls and fry the pancakes in light oil.

Cottage Cheese Chicago Style Pizza Pie

This ain't no Pizza because it is sweet and there is no damn Tomato Sauce on it and I don't care what no one says without Tomato sauce on it nothing is pizza. Ingredients. 1 unbaked pie shell, 3 eggs, half cup sugar, dash of salt, half cup light cream, 2 cups cottage cheese, 2 tablespoons flour, 2 tablespoons sugar. Beat the eggs and slowly add sugar, pour in everything else and mix it up. Pour the cement looking shit into the pie crust. Bake it for 40 minutes at 350 degrees fahrenheit, and I don't know what that is in England. Then you take it out and smear strawberry cream cheese from the little tub all over it and then decorate it with sliced kiwi,bananas and mandarin ornge slices so it looks like a pizza. You eat one of these a
nd if you got loose stools instead of solids you will shit bricks for a week.


Cottage Cheese Potatoes
I got this recipe off some Argentino guys who are up here in Buffalo trying to modify a personal submarine they bought to sink ships. The assholes are trying to make torpedos because they feel Britain will start war with Argentina "Shortly before June 29th". They want their sub ready because they intend to attack Canadian ships in Lake Erie in order to "give canada something to think about". These guys are a bunch of idiots but they sure now how to cook.
5 Taters, peeled and diced, 1 small onion, 1.5 cups cottage cheese, 1 cup sour cream, 1 cup shredded cojack cheese or taco cheese.

Boil taters, preheat oven to 350 (I just learned that that is 170 C) Butter up a 9x3 inch casserole dish, (I ain't a total bitch and refuse to convert that to metric for the EUers who want to take our hallowed measurements away). Mix up all the stuff (except the shredded cheese) and then put it in the casserole dish. Top with the taco cheese. Bake in that same oven you already preheated for 35 minutes.(35 minutes in metric is like 1 to the negative 67563 power parsecs)

So see how versatile cottage cheese is? I always dump some of it into most my casseroles, my taco meat, my crock pot with roasts or stews. It kind of serves like the mystery material you always read about "texture vegetable protein" but is authentic. I can't say that cottage cheese adds flavor or anything but it is a damn good filler taht is healthy, low fat and full of protein.

I love you all, and there are still some of my regular readers that need to get their asses over to ESPN.com and sign up in the Dooyoo Rock FIFA world cup championship league. Its easy and free and lots of dooyooers are already there. And I am talking about Jill Murphy specifically needing to sign up.

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