In the beginning there was a heap of junk... (Garden Sheds in General)

Member Name: SueMagee

Product:	Garden Sheds in General
Date:	21/05/01 (461 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Useful home for junk, Provides potential burglars with useful tools, Warm home for rats

Disadvantages: Repairs can be expensive

In the beginning there was a heap of junk, but not the sort of junk you could throw away. There were flowerpots and tennis rackets with only one string broken, and garden chairs that only needed a little mending to make them just as uncomfortable as they used to be. They were all in the garage, but the car wasn't.

The Crime Prevention Officer sucked in his breath, just the way that car salesmen do when you want to trade in your car. "Lot of car theft in this area", he said, "it really should be in the garage", and proceeded to tell how few cars are stolen from a locked garage. Logical really, when you think about it.

So then there was the shed. A man came and prepared the site, and laid railway sleepers, and then two men came and put up the shed. Then the Neighbourhood Watch man came. "You can see in through them windows" he said. "Yes", I said, "I've just cleaned them". "People will look in and see something they can use to break into your house", he replied. I looked round at the surrounding six-foot high fence, and wondered where they would be looking from. "And" said the man from Neighbourhood Watch, "they've put the door on with screws". I looked closely, and had to agree that the door had, indeed, been put on with screws. "They should have used security screws that you can't unscrew. You haven't got a padlock either". "No", I said "there's a lock on the door". This time he looked closely. "That isn't what I'd call a lock" he said, and proceeded to take a key from his pocket and unlock the shed door. "But there's nothing worth stealing", I said. "They don't know that, do they?" he replied, enigmatically.

The screws were replaced. A padlock was installed, and the windows were curtained. Yes, curtained. I washed them regularly. The junk
began breeding. First there were the tins of paint. Not much in them, but a pity to throw them away and you never know when you're going to need a lick of paint, do you? Then there was the old bookcase, and the paint tins sat happily in this, and were joined by a tin of something that had lost its label, but was far too full to be thrown away. The old garden hose strayed in there, and never escaped.

For many years the shed held its contents prisoner, and no one attempted to break in. Then the roof went. The surrounding gardens all had their own bit of it to treasure. A man came and sucked in his breath. "Make my living mending flat-roof garden sheds, I do", he said. "Anyone had sat on that roof they'd have fallen in." We wrote a cheque.

Then the wall rotted. A man came and sucked in his breath. "It's the rain splashing up from the garden", he said. "Anyone had lent against that wall they'd have fallen through". We wrote a cheque.

Then the floor went. "Very wet winter" said the man, not bothering to suck in his breath. "You'll have rats in there if you're not careful".

No, we didn't write a cheque. What was left of the shed has gone to be a hen-house, and the contents have gone to the tip. Pity we didn't think of that one earlier, isn't it?

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