| Product: |
Anorexia Nervosa |
| Date: |
02/01/08 (280 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: None
Disadvantages: Oh so many - see op
Ok, now this should be a fun review to do (sarcasm at its best), but there's several reasons why I've chosen this topic. Firstly because I keep looking at it and thinking I should but never quite plucking up the courage...secondly because I think I can have something useful to say because I've been there...some would say still am there...and thirdly because it's a controversial topic...and I've always liked controversial topics...
There are also several reasons for why I've been avoiding this topic...and possibly the most major is the fact that I've got to 'know' and 'like' a fair few members on this site...and the last thing I want to do is scare them off...sounds silly, but it's a fairly standard reaction. So yeah, if you're not going to like it, please don't read it...
Overview
Anorexia is not a 'fun' disorder. It's not an easy dieting way. It's not something you want to get into. Once you are into it, it takes control of your life. Too many times I hear people saying that they 'envy an anorexics will power', or 'they're trying to figure out how to become an anorexic' because they want to lose weight. This does make me angry. You may want to lose weight. You don't want to become anorexic.
Medical
Anorexia is a serious mental health condition. Medically it is classified by the 'Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders' (DSM-IV from now on) as being characterised by:
1. Sufferer refusing to maintain a 'normal' body weight for their size, and age. Body weight being below 85% of what would normally be expected, or a 'Body Mass Index' (BMI - weight in kg divided by height in metres squared) of under 17.5 is classified as medically anorexic.
2. Sufferer has an intense fear of gaining weight and becoming fat.
3. There is a major discrepancy between the way the sufferer views their body weight and size and the way that others see them. Other people may look at a sufferer and see them as painfully thin, whereas a sufferer would look in the mirror and see themselves as fat.
4. The stopping of the females menstrual cycle, otherwise known as amenorrhea - 3 months of no periods is classed as the medical sign.
The DSM-IV also splits anorexics up into two categories:
Restricting Type: An anorexic of this type does not indulge in purging - this would include laxatives or self induced throwing up, they tend to just reduce food levels...
Binge-Eating Type or Purging Type: The opposite; the anorexic does indulge in purging behaviours.
But this is just medical science telling you how to recognise an anorexic when you see one...and isn't a great deal of use for someone who's not a doctor really...other psychological and medical signs which are slightly more useful to someone who does not have a degree in medicine are:
Psychological:
- Distorted body image
- Complete obsession about food and weight
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD
Emotional:
- Low self esteem
- Depression
- An intense fear of becoming overweight
- Mood swings
Social:
- Poor or deteriorating performance at school or at work
- Cutting self off from others such as friends or family
- Lying about food habits
Behavioural
- Excessive exercise and food restriction
- Secretive about eating behaviour
- Possible self harm or suicide attempts
- Becomes angry and distressed when forced to eat
(Wikipedia)
Ok, yeah we get that, but what is anorexia?
Anorexia is not a diet, a diet is about losing weight healthily, anorexia is a complete obsession with food and weight, needing to lose weight and not happy until you've got to a goal...except you're still not happy at the goal because you still think you are fat. It doesn't matter how much damage you have to do to yourself providing you get to that goal. An anorexic's whole concept of self esteem is based on those little numbers on the scales (which become your best friend), if you've put on a pound since morning you are a failure...but even if you've lost a pound there is still plenty more to go...you're still worthless, you still haven't lost enough.
Control is a major issue in an anorexic's life; often they feel that they have lost control elsewhere and that their food is the only thing they can control. It's a way of coping with everything else that's going on and fooling yourself into thinking 'If I lose just 3 more pounds I'll be happy.'
Anorexia isn't just a teenage drama queen disease. If anything it is the complete opposite. To begin with the feelings that are associated with people saying 'You've lost weight, you look good' might be enough, but if that was the only reason then why carry on when people have stopped saying that a long, long time ago? Why hide under baggy clothing? Why try to hide in a corner pretending no-one can see? Why shut yourself off from the real world...?
An anorexic truly cannot see that they are dangerously thin. Now this may seem stupid and strange but it is true. When an anorexic looks in the dreaded mirror all they see is fat. And they need to get rid of that fat. You know the saying 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder', for an anorexic it's 'Weight is in the eye of the beholder.'
Other people's difficulties:
Why someone would want to deny themselves the simple pleasure of eating is a question most people find very, very difficult. It is difficult to see why someone would want to cause deliberate harm to themselves just for the sake of being thin. It appears to go against the basic survival trait of human beings and it makes others very uncomfortable.
Pro Ana
Now this is something that really does drive me insane. Those message boards where people who have nothing in common except an obsession with weight come and encourage each other. And yes, you are free to say that I'm a hypocrite, I've been there, done that and got the T-shirt. I used to be one of those that went on sites to ask how to beat cravings, how to lose more weight, to look at pictures of scarily thin people. I still have a notebook somewhere with all the pictures and quotes like:
Perfection is gained not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing else to take away.
I've come too far to take orders from a cookie.
And no, I'm not saying that this causes anorexia, but it sure don't help. It introduces an arena of competitiveness - I'm thinner than you are therefore I'm better. I don't think i need to say this is dangerous but I will anyway. These sites become a step by step manual for 'How to become a good anorexic.'
But yet, they are not the cause - the 'thinspiration' shown by pictures shows that the images children are shown by the media does at least have some effect. These are the pictures they strive for...it doesn't matter that they've been airbrushed a thousand times...
Myself:
Ok, and now here comes the tricky bit...
To be honest I can't tell you when I first 'became' anorexic. I can remember being very conscious of my size and body image from when I was about 11, but that isn't the same as being anorexic. I guess I started going round in circles when I was about 13 when I went into foster care, and things really kicked off about a year after.
I felt as if I was worth nothing, as if nobody cared and if they did then they shouldn't because I wasn't worth it. I don't know how this became projected onto my weight, but it did. The scales became my best friend. Every pound I lost, I rejoiced. Every pound I gained, I despaired. If I'm honest, I became a lying, scheming manipulator - 'Oh, I've already eaten' became my catch phrase, even when it was so obvious that I hadn't. I'd take every excuse to not get home, because then I'd miss the family dinner. My dinner money for school got spent on cigarettes because they took the edge off hunger pains. I was proud of my control and became completely obsessed...but equally I felt that it was the only thing I could do well - and in this I might excel...My weight dropped alarmingly according to my friends - but I couldn't see it. I took to wearing baggy clothes because then others wouldn't comment...plus I was forever feeling cold.
Control was a major, major issue for me, and for many other anorexics. To cut a very long and painful story short I'd been badly hurt in the past and felt completely worthless. But I didn't want to be or look like a victim ever again and anorexia helped me feel like I was in control. What I didn't realise was that I wasn't in control the anorexia was. I'd had my sense of control taken away before and been that scared and lonely girl and I felt this was my fault; I was the one to blame. I couldn't see why I wasn't accepted and loved. And this also had a major impact on my eating habits. I would go to any lengths to fit in, to be accepted, to have other people think of me as worthy...and also the absurd idea that if I was thinner then the hurt would stop, he'd be happy, and I'd be free...or possibly that if I was thinner it would push people away and stop that way. It was a way to gain control when my whole life seemed out of control, and in some strange sense it was my friend...it was a way to forget the pain and to keep living. I felt broken, and this was my way to mend myself...
Approval was another thing that has always been very important to do. Being liked. Being trusted. Even to this day if someone yells at me I burst into tears and immediately try to find a way to make it better. If I didn't behave in the way others meant me to then I had failed. And again this set me up for anorexia - trying to gain approval and the feeling of complete failure. In my head I had to be perfect. I had to be what everyone else wanted. I had to prove myself to others. I had no sense of self worth; my self worth was based entirely on what others thought of me...and how much use I could be to others...
Even when I got admitted to hospital my thoughts weren't for myself but for my carers, I became a model patient; not because I believed that what they were doing was right, but because I didn't want to hurt them, didn't want to make them angry, only wanted to be perfect. However as soon as I was released the spiral and the lies started again.
Religion...I'd love to say it has been my saviour, and in a sense it has. The messages that it gives, and the care from the community has probably saved my life several times. However it's a double edged sword. What the Bible wanted from me I could never give, I could never be perfect. And so my feelings of self worth decreased even further...I loved God with all my heart, soul and mind. But could never believe that I was good enough for him...unconditional love was something I couldn't understand...and still find very difficult...and forgiveness was an alien word. If I couldn't forgive myself how could anyone else? I had to be better, thinner, more perfect. I had to fit in. My self value was only gained by achievement and this could be done with my old friends the scales...
I'd love to tell you all I'm fully recovered...but that would be a lie...recovering is probably better. At my lowest I dropped below 5 stone (which even at a short height of 5'2'' isn't good). I'm still categorised as 'underweight' but not dangerously so. At the weight I am now I'm comfortable. I don't like food. I don't like weight. But I've at least come to understand that there was and is a problem, which is something which anorexics find very difficult - denial is a very strong power. If I get stressed I still turn to my weight...much like alcoholism you are always more prone to relapse...It's been at least a 5 year battle...and one I don't want to lose anymore.
What anorexics often think:
They desperately want to be accepted
Afraid of not winning
Struggle with the idea of forgiveness
Being deathly afraid of growing up and having to take responsibility even if they are technically and adult.
They dont' like having an eating disorder...they however have a hard time disliking it.
Blame themselves for being hurt.
Everyone's flaws should be accepted and forgiven...except for mine...
A hatred of feeling vulnerable
Without the mask I don't know who I am
I won't ever measure up to you
I don't deserve unconditional love.
I'm scared this might kill me
The cons:
The downfalls of anorexia...an interesting one, if purely because there are so many.
-Feelings of complete worthlessness and unworthiness...weight is the only thing that matters and you can't even completely control that. Why would anyone want to love someone as worthless as you?
-An obsession with weight...I can assure you with all my heart, mind and soul that you do not want to have to check the scales every hour 'just in case'. That you do not want to be forever looking at yourself just seeing fat.
-Death...a fairly obvious one. 10-15% of anorexic cases are fatal.
- Brittle hair, nails and generally looking like death
-Bones. However much you may want to see them as an anorexic, they are not good...they don't look good and they shouldn't be showing...
-Body issues such as feeling the cold, dizziness, fainting, shakiness...tiredness, fatigue, low concentration.
-Medical issues: Brittle bones, heart failure, kidney failure...
Basically there are more side effects than any medications on earth!
How to help
Now that is a difficult one. Because someone who is anorexic will not want to admit there is a problem. Their only coping mechanism is self destructive and to lose it would seem like losing self control, and therefore losing themselves...
1. Read up on anorexia, don't go into it cold. But however much you read, try not to over generalise as each case is different.
2. Recognise that is not 'just a phase' - it is serious. It is not just a cry for help, or an attention seeking ploy.
3. Listen. Don't judge. Care and show you care.
4. Be persistent, confident and stick to your guns. Anorexics are the most manipulative people on the earth. Don't get sucked in. Don't make promises you cannot keep, or threats you cannot stick to - 'I won't tell anyone' or 'Do that again and I'll...'
5. Be available. Make it clear you are available to talk and you want to help.
6. Try to get the person to seek help. This can be very difficult. I can assure you dragging someone kicking and screaming to the doctors will not help much. They will resent you, and whatever they are forced to gain they will lose soon after. They have to admit there is a problem and they need help.
7. Don't burn yourself out. Don't give more than you can afford emotionally. Make sure your available, but turn your phone off when you sleep. Get support for yourself. However much you may want to help you will be no help if you turn yourself into a wreck trying to care for someone else...
For parents in particular watching their child go through an eating disorder can be devastating, home can easily turn into a battle ground with you yelling at your child to 'Eat for Godssake. EAT!' and your child getting equally stressed back at you for 'not understanding'. If there is one thing to remember - It's not your fault. You cannot blame yourself because that will end up destroying you. It is the disorder that has taken over, and you are not to blame. But equally however much you are hurting, you cannot allow the roles to change so the one you are meant to be caring for becomes the care giver. But anorexia cannot be fought alone, somehow you need to get professional help...however much the anorexic doesn't believe they need it...but don't feel you are to blame, and don't feel your child hates you. Your little girl/boy still loves you, it's just at this moment they are wrapped up in their own personal hell and cannot break free....a personal hell you have got caught up in because you care. Keep caring. Don't give up.
Ok...I think I have gone on long enough...I might think of something else to add later...but for now...it's enough...
A fairly useful website for information is
http://ana-angels.2ya.com/
It isn't pro-ana, but is an information sharing site aimed at helping those with a view to recover.
Also on Ciao as Secre
Summary: Not a lifestyle choice but a serious illness
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