The Fight (Anorexia Nervosa)

Member Name: rosepetalfalls

Product:	Anorexia Nervosa
Date:	23/06/03 (207 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: thin, thin, thin

Disadvantages: sick, bruised, lose your hair

When I was 10 I got called fat by boys at school. I'd play sick, so I wouldn't have to go. I sit and I cried and somewhere along the line I was led to believe I was a fat disgusting pig. When I was thirteen I stole a bottle of Ipacac syrup from a drug store. I was going to make my self vomit. I read the directions, it said something like, two tablespoons, or one. I swallowed almost half the bottle. For an hour I layed in the bathroom moaning because my stomach hurt so bad. Finally, I succeeded. I vomited more than I had expected to. Since this was such a hassel, I just stopped eating, and along with that came the lying. My best friend would offer me food, without any thinking at all, I'd say no, I had a big breakfast, at home was the same, I ate a lot at my friends house. I never had to go to the hospital. Off and on I binge or I don't eat at all, because there are these little voices that tell me you are perfect, eat something, others say, you're no good if you eat I'll kill you. I am over weight now, because I am trying to control it. Somewhere in me, I still believe with all of my heart that I am no good. I am not thin and beautiful. I have tried diets. But this just made it worse. I'd start counting calories, even 10 calories seemed like too much. When I was hungry, I picked up the habit of smoking. Then the hunger stops. hmh..it's crazy, for a minute there I vaguely remembered an encounter I had, I put my hand on my stomach, and felt the cave of emptiness, and was happy, I was proud of that. Things people do for that hot guy, or to be accepted, huh. I still don't understand why I do this to myself. I guess I could be pretty if I really tried. But at least I have my hair and my teeth, and I have all my five senses. Although, when I do eat, or when I don't, I try to remember a saying my mom used to say all the time, there really is a lot to be thankful for. Even out of the shadows.

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