In Memory Of My Lovely Dad (Alcoholism in General)

Member Name: juliemaker

Product:	Alcoholism in General
Date:	30/10/01 (142 review reads)
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Disadvantages: Written in Op

I am the daughter of an alcoholic, and writing this opinion is going to be the hardest thing I have ever written.


My father passed away four years ago. When he died he had been 'dry' for 9 whole years. He had just had his 90th birthday. This is how it is described by the AA,alcoholics anonymous. I was very proud of him.

He fought and struggled against this terrible illness for many years.

I dont know how long he had been an alcoholic for, I can remember him being so for most of my childhood and I am 41 years old now.

I understand it all started when I was very young, and I think it was all due to several things. Stress, his company, his marriage, the friends he mixed with. Probably a combination of all these things and a lot more.

At some point he found solice in the bottom of a glass and went on for years being able to function in a normalish fashion with a couple of bottles of scotch inside him. This was the norm for years. People would have no idea he had been drinking. Eventually this could no longer happen, the day came when he would have to drink so much to 'scatch the itch' he would be falling down drunk.

This goes on and on until the drinker admits he has a problem and hits his rock bottom. My dad had a few rock bottoms. He lost his best friend and business partner, who was also an alcoholic, when he crashed his own plane into the side of a mountain, he was drunk.

Then he lost his business.
Then he lost his wife,my mother. I can hear them fighting now.With that he lost his children.
Then he lost his dignity, his pride, his purpose.

He had hit his rock botttom.

He found a new job, a new partner with children, and he got his family back. Myself and brothers and sister where allowed to see him again.
He had everything going for him, again.

He drank.
He Lost it all again. And again and again, until he w
as an old man.

He spent thousands of pounds in drying out clinics, all only gave him sobriety short term.
His new partner had had enough also by this time, she had stood by him, and fought to keep their heads above water, everytime they lost the house and business they built up.

He was alone, living in a council flat, no partner, no money, no friends.
The large executive houses, the expensive cars, the businesses, the so called friends,the exotic holidays. All Gone.

His brother and sister, who lived 280 miles away, along with a couple of his children stood by him and decided this was it.

I had a phone call at work one day, from the man next door from my dad, urging me to come over. I dropped everything, as per, and drove the 12 miles to his house. There I found my lovely Dad, naked except for his shirt, sitting in the gravel car park, bleeding from the cuts and falls from the gravel. He was crying, please God help me. He was so drunk. I discovered the local off licence had been taking him booze round, charging him a fiver to do so.
I called in the cavalry, his sister, my brother. We got him booked into the nearest hospital where they dried him out. He then went 280 miles to stay with one of my brothers until he could face coming home.

He refused to come to live with me, or anyone, so the council helped me find him a flat near me.

When he returned he took any little job he could find, even though he was retired, he was 60. He even washed cars on a forecourt in the middle of winter.

He joined the AA, alcoholics anonymous, and although I understand it does not work for everybody, this was a big turning point for him. He had a daily plan with them, along with the 12 steps, and it became a big part of his life. He made lots of new friends, and had a social life, he could have fun and company without having a drink. He hated it a first, he hated everyone in it too, but he stuck with it an
d it saved him.

I used to go to open meetings with him, family days, family weekends. I was not keen at first either, I was only doing it so he wouldnt drink again. But I came to enjoy it too, I got a lot from it, and learnt a lot, not only about my Dad or alcohol, but about my life, myself. Its very sad for me to say that even in the AA there are people who are not very nice people, cheats and no good friends. But it is not their fault, they are not recovered and they are still ill.

Its a common thing that happens, many friends and family give up on a person who is a alcoholic.They kick a dog when its down. I no way could do that. Going to AA with my dad, learning about this devil of an illness, tought me a lot,and anyway I could see futher than that fall down drunk obnoctious person who was supposed to be my Dad, I clung on to how much he loved me, how much he could not help it, how much I loved him.
I am pleased I did. I got my old dad back. A lovely man, with a huge heart and a fantastic sense of humour. A very proud humble man. A brilliant Grandad to my sons. He bent over backwards to make ammends with everyone he had hurt, sadly not everyone had it in their heart or head to forgive and forget, but the ones left who meant the most to him did.He lived for nine years sober. I was and I still am very proud to call him my father.

He died due to a bad heart, no doubt a lot to do with the hard life and drinking. But he died with the sobriety, serentity and dignity he strived for. God Bless Him.
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This is my own personal opinion, my experience, and in no way meant to judge, condone or hurt anybody in anyway shape or form.
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