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What I'd give for a good nights sleep!!
Member Name: stebiz
Disadvantages: Tiredness! Tablets! Nightmares!
I have been thinking about doing this review for a few months now, but have felt a bit uneasy about it. I mean after all it is only a sleep disorder. I'm not in pain. I'm not ill or having to deal with a 'real illness'. There are others who are far worse off than me. However it is a disorder and one that can ruin your life. I'm going to try and tell you a bit about what I experience.
It really goes back to when I was about 9 years of age. I would always have some very 'black' dreams. It would often involve the death of my family and I'd often wake up and go in and check my parents were still alive. Pretty strange you may think, and I'd tend to agree with you. This continued all through my teenage years, but as I got older I'd just lye awake, and not go running in to my parents bedroom. As I got older I'd often find an excuse to stay up later and get up early for work. I hated night time. I never really new when this gremlin would turn up. It usually happened after a few hours into my sleep. So getting to sleep was often not the problem but I could guarantee after a few hours I'd be awake.
As time went on I met my lovely wife and we moved in with eachother. She soon became aware of the strange sleep patterns I had, but now I was in my own home (not my parents) I could get up and go downstairs and watch tv or go on my computer. I was no longer thinking of my parents dying but I would have some very strange dreams. A lot of them now centered around money worries and work issues. Often after a few hours I'd fall asleep again with just enough time to grab another one or so later in the morning, before we both got up for work. It often meant I would go to work and feel exhausted. As I was self employed I'd often pop out of the office and grab 30 minutes kip at lunchtime and then I'd feel refreshed again.
When the children were born the responsibility on my shoulders meant that the nightmares of money and worries about the children, weighed heavily on my mind. I'd worry about them becoming ill or even worse. I'd worry about money. In fact I'd worry about anything. This often meant I'd have about 3 hours sleep and wake up in a panic. Some of the dreams seemed so realistic. I'd find myself occasionally screaming or sitting up. This really got to my wife and she started to worry for me. I'd hate going to sleep.
About ten years ago I gave up self employment and started working for a Blue Chip Company. It was the first time I'd worked for somebody else. I enjoyed it at first but it didn't stop my nightmares. I would hate the thought of night time coming. I even volunteered to work on the night shift, so I would be awake with others during the night, and I'd stay awake during the day too. This made me quite ill and I eventually agreed to see a counsellor.
The counsellor was really really nice but could not understand were my worries came from. My doctor advised me to take sleeping tablets but I really didn't want to take sleeping tablets, in case I became addicted to them. Eventually we agree that I'd only take one when I was desperate for sleep. So every few days now, after I've been deprived from sleep (except a few hours each night) I'll take a sleeping tablet. This often has the effect that I'm asleep for about 10 hours. My wife says although I'm asleep my body is still extremely restless, as if my brain is still awake.
I'm not after any sympathy or anything. I just wanted to give you an idea what an insomniac has to deal with. Many are awake for many different reasons. Stress. Worry. Pain..........to name but a few!! I am awake most nights typing away on my computer. Often on here. Other times I'm off down to Tesco's at 4.00am doing my shopping. One thing for sure, the first thing that my kids and my wife ask is, 'well what have you done with your night?'.
Summary: The life of an insomniac
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