WORDS 'ARE' WEAPONS... (Obesity)

Member Name: totalserenity

Product:	Obesity
Date:	23/10/09 (136 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: NO STARS FROM ME IF I COULD...

Disadvantages: SELF-CONFIDENCE DRAIN THAT KNOWS NO END...

After reading a simply superb review on Dooyoo re 'Obesity' I felt compelled to write my own instead of writing a usual product review - some things are more important than the nominal 50p payment - and this is one of them.

My own weight problems started in my twenties way back in the 1980's.

I married at the age of 22 and was a svelte size ten, weighed 8 stone 2lb wet through, and was what my best friend termed 'A skinny wretch!'

A few years into our marriage my husband and I were diagnosed with Infertility problems and the 'fault' lay with my useless, defunct body...or that's how I saw it at the time.

Now I was always, up to this point, one of those sickening people that could eat anything they wanted and not gain an ounce - but all that soon changed as the stress of endless tests and three gynaecological surgeries took its toll on both my metabolism and my mental state.

Food became an escape, a comfort if you will, when everything else around me reminded me of babies and my own barren state.

Both my younger sister and my best friend Maria had two babies each during the six years my hubby and I were 'trying' for one of our own; and somehow the rich, satisfying taste of chocolate became a sort of release, an escape of sorts where I got lost in textural, flavoursome pleasures of the oral kind!
Cream cakes became old friends, iced buns became regular companions; beef dripping fried chips lent a type escapism usually only given me via the sweet release of sleep...

In short I ate myself happy, and quickly overweight.

This was no good. I had major microsurgery coming up to try and help me get pregnant. I had to lose the excess fat I had been piling on my small 5'4 frame, and quick. Obesity can be a contributory factor in Infertility and I was quite bonny by this time.

Here started my love/hate affair with the company Weight Watchers (I have tried umpteen other diet plans, all failing miserably over the years) when I lost most of the excess weight I had clapped on.

Success then, and with the baby-making too! The surgery worked and we became proud parents to a gorgeous baby girl named Laura Beth, and I could not have been happier except for one thing - the birth had severely damaged my back and I had prolapsed two discs in my lumbar spine.
To cut a long story short I had serious spinal surgery when our Laura was two (1995) and by this point Osteoarthritis (Arthur) was extending his unwelcome bony fingers into my pelvic and hip joints too.

By this point I was in constant pain and of course turned to my tasty ally once again to give me some much-needed temporary comfort...

At this stage I did the worse thing possible during my six months convalescence period - I took up cooking - well baking to be more precise and I ballooned in weight sampling my tasty produce!

Hitting a size 16 by the end of that year my husband started to get very nasty with me over my excess pounds and the cruel name calling started which only made me comfort eat more.
I was 'Mrs Blobby' as he grabbed hold of my wobbling midriff, I was 'Fat', 'Ugly' and as I hit over 3 stone overweight then the cruelty really started with the psychological torture. I was constantly told no-one else would want me, I was old, I was 'Past it' and even if another man took me on he wouldn't put up with me long-term.

During our now infrequent intimate times, my husband would grab my capacious love handles and constantly taunt me as to how big and fat and unattractive I was.

Demoralised, eventually the following year in '96 I cracked and attended WW's once again where I lost a whopping 44 lbs.
Walking back into WW I actually weighed 4lb more than when I was seven and a half month pregnant and I was mortified!

Going up 3 dress sizes took me from being safely within my BMI to 'Overweight' then to a shocking 'Slightly Obese' by the time I had my yearly medical at the doctors.
Needing a topical steroid cream as my inner thighs were so chaffed little raw, red spots were appearing which were agony that summer, and developing a severe acid reflux problem were just two of several health symptoms I started with due to my weight.

Clothes were a nightmare - everything had to be elasticated and baggy for my ripples of blubber to feel comfortable in - and this was one of the greatest reasons I returned to my diet regime.

My triple chins and half moon face were the place I lost my looks also, and something had to be done, I was only in my early thirties and too young to feel like this!

Over time I became slim, felt sexy, looked confident and 'He' hated it!

The weight loss took years off me and I felt good, and because I felt that way I exuded confidence in myself and ended up meeting someone else. Rather than have an affair I left with Laura and started a new life with my new love.
Looking back the worm was bound to turn, my now Ex had worn me into the ground, when I left I had no self-worth, no self-belief and I really believed I 'was' old and past it at the age of thirty seven.

All because I was fat!

My next relationship ran its course over two years and I ended up in my own place, where I still am now.

I unfortunately prolapsed one of the same discs again and underwent my second dangerous back surgery in 2007. On recovering I piled on the weight again of course and started losing confidence again. It wasn't that I didn't get male attention because I still did (and female as I mix on the gay scene a lot and it's an extreme compliment when a woman finds you attractive, I can tell you!), I just felt uncomfortable and turned to my old comforting ally - food, glorious food.

Now I'm not going to get technical about BMI's (body mass index) in this write up, however suffice it to say I went outside mine yet again so off I trotted back to WW's last year after yet another disastrous relationship went wrong.

For a belated convalescence I went over to Cyprus six months after my second lumbar surgery, I met a dashing RAF Air traffic Controller who seemed wonderful. The dashing ATC invited me back out to the island in February for three weeks and I went willingly...

Finding after spending that amount of close up and personal time with this guy that he wasn't for me he turned nasty when I ended the relationship.

'Fat ugly cripple' came through on a text message and took me straight back to those dark days so long ago now. Why some men have to resort to using foul names to hurt someone is beyond me?

Feeling worthless, unattractive, defunct as a female once again in that instant drove me straight back into my diet club's arms.

This time round I lost 21 lb.

The most difficult thing about dieting for me was I could not exercise to help with the weight loss; it had to be pure food control and so the non-living love of my life became my enemy once again as I battled it out - calories V self-control.

I kept my OA quiet in class, I was embarrassed. Most people either don't believe me or feel sorry, and both attitudes annoy me to death.
Ploughing on through spring and early summer I hit my goal in June again and for the first time have manage to keep my weight off...so far!

Life now is a daily battle with both pain and food and sometimes I do succumb to the love of my Cadbury's choccie, I must admit.

I am now needing a third back op plus am having a neck disc prolapse investigated, but there will be no lectures off my new Neurological Consultant as I am nicely within my BMI (up to now).

It is a constant struggle, but let me tell you people's attitudes can crucify one's self-belief, self- confidence and all round well-being. Words are weapons that are too freely used to cut another to the quick, so my advice would be this to anyone who has been through or is going through this type of thing:

1. Love yourself and be kind to yourself also, you are a good person and deserve to be happy.

2. Do not remain around people who undermine your integrity, your body and your self-confidence...there is someone out there who will love you for you!

3. If I can do it so can you, you just need that little switch to click inside your head.

4. Fat is insulation against the world and a public declaration of your love of food - do something new with your appearance to change your self-image and occupy your mind instead of your stomach.

5. Remember we only get one life and you deserve to be content within your own skin.


I don't know why the human race is so hung up over weight but I do know it is not good for your health to be clinically obese. Only once in my life have I ever been hitting that point but it's an awful, empty feeling. If you feel this way go get help, it is out there -and there are enough of us dieters on Dooyoo to give you a boost if you feel low one day.

I will never allow another human being to make me feel bad about my weight - don't you either!

Stigmatised constantly, told by the medical profession at only ten and a half stone I was overweight for surgery, in addition to feeling horrendously empty and a failure inside are all experiences I have lived with. I have had my excess flesh grabbed in a derogatory fashion, I have been made to feel small and inadequate as a person because I have had a weight problem most of my life and starting to tip the Obesity scales in the 90's was one of the worse experiences of my life.

Being belittled by the one person I should have grown old with (we were together for 22 years) is a wound that will never heal.
My Ex-husband was 18 stone through most of our marriage and it never bothered me; he has tipped the scales at 20 stones since we split.
Whether his constant torment was to make himself feel better I will never know, but his pitiless behaviour I will take to my grave because I actually believed him at the time.

Maybe some folks won't class going up to a size 16 as obese but on my frame it is. I have lost between a quarter to a third of my body weight and that is a lot extra for arthritic joints to carry. Size 10-12 is right for me but extremely hard to maintain as I adore my food and take great pleasure in eating until I am full to capacity.

However, the social stigma of being overweight is far more damaging than the way I felt physically. You get ridiculed, pitied, ignored, disrespected and insulted by many around you - including so-called loved ones. All for a layer of burgeoning blubber.

And please remember just because I am still here to tell the tale does not mean to say I am not scarred by such things...



© Written exclusively for Dooyoo.

Summary: REMEMBER; SLIM, MEDIUM, BIG - I HAVE BEEN ALL THREE STATES & I WAS STILL 'ME' INSIDE...