Social Phobia Is No Fun That's For Sure (Social Phobia Disorder)

Member Name: Scottyboy_Peanut

Product:	Social Phobia Disorder
Date:	10/05/09 (38 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None

Disadvantages: Simple things can become so much more difficult

Social Phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder as it is sometimes called is the third most common psychological problem in the developed world today. That statistic may surprise many because it virtually unheard of by most. Even the run of the mill GP will have a hard time identifying or diagnosing it for the serious and debilitating affliction that it is.

What is it you ask? Imagine that tomorrow at work you have to give a presentation to your company's biggest client. If you don't make a good impression the client could very well pull out of the deal and redundancies will need to be made with your job being the first to go. What makes it worse is that you've just started at this company and is the first time you've made a presentation there. Not only are you under the scrutiny of the client but also your co-workers. Do you feel that feeling in the pit of your stomach? Increased perspiration? Difficulty swallowing? When you try to speak does your voice still work? Does you voice still sound like your own or like it belongs to another source?

So do you have Social Anxiety Disorder? If you don't have it you would surely still have some of those symptoms after all it is normal to be nervous in such circumstances mentioned above. That is a taste of social anxiety. For those with Social Anxiety Disorder (Or SAD'ers) sufferer it is far worse than that and can become the central consideration for all of life's decisions. It won't just rear its head before a major presentation either. In extreme cases it can make the simplest daily task seem like a major battle.

Social Anxiety Disorder is an irrational anxiety to what is in reality a harmless situation. Even equipped with the knowledge that it is indeed irrational to react this way, the situation doesn't change. In fact it becomes almost a self fulfilling prophesy as the fear about worrying about the situation, and the symptoms it brings, becomes as much a part of the condition as the social situations that brought it on in the first place.

I suppose the best way to illustrate this point is to tell my story. That's not something I am at all keen on doing because believe it or not, my social anxiety stretches as far as having what I write read by others, especially if it is personal. Writing reviews seems like a strange hobby for me then doesn't it? Well compared with dealing with life face to face it is very much the lesser of two evils.

OK so here we go. I was always a shy child but some kids are so it is probably not something the average parent will be that concerned about. Also, Social Anxiety was only recognised in 1980 and I was born in 1973 so I guess medically speaking my disorder predated its medical recognition.

Probably my first memory of not wanting to speak out in front of a group of people was when I was in nursery. As the teacher ran through the names on the register each child replied "Yes Miss," on cue. For the first few days I did it, and then one day I had the realisation that I was speaking in front of a group of people. My name was called, and I couldn't answer. The teacher looked at me and knew I was there so me there was no need to force me to answer but she insisted I did. After that, each day as the register was being called there was an eerie silence when it came to my name. This made me the centre of attention, the last thing I wanted to be, but somehow simply answering my name caused an inner struggle and I just couldn't do it. Eventually I solved this little problem by sitting at the front of the class close to the teacher so that when I answered only she would hear me. I used this method throughout the rest of my school career. Silly right?

I guess I must have come to terms with my Social Anxiety a little more as time went by because I can't remember too many more moments like that. I did used to go missing my uncles and aunts visited, I cannot remember saying a word to my Grandparents or hardly any other adults until I was 17 and there were plenty of classmates I doubt knew what my voice sounded like. I did have a small group of friends that I could be funny and talkative to. All in all I was ok until adolescence.

At 14 years old, returning to school after the summer holiday meeting my friends in the playground my Social Anxiety came back with a vengeance. Those who were once my friends suddenly felt like strangers to me and I couldn't speak openly, tell jokes or be myself around them anymore. One on one I was often fine but in a group, I remained silent. I became quiet and withdrawn at school. I stayed on for the 6th form and things became worse. Almost all of my friends left school at the first opportunity and I was now amongst a group of strangers for the first time in my life. I coped with this by saying as little as possible through the whole school year. That paid dividends on my exam results though so it wasn't all bad.

I left school at 17 and started work. I didn't want to go to work right then but in my mind I knew that if I stayed on at school for much longer I'd never want to start work. I also believed that being shy at the age I was would be easier for my colleagues to accept than if I was 20 or older.

It would be fair to say that on just about every day of the two years I worked in my first job stay awake half the night worrying and vomited before I left for work in the morning, sometimes on the way to work. I left that job when my YTS came to an end but every job I have had since the pattern was very much the same.

I became self employed age 29 and that was a breath of fresh air into my life. I stayed out the way and left the shop staff to serve customers while I made the products. This was a very happy phase in my life but trade wasn't so good and property prices were rising so I sold the business before it became worthless.

As I was now unemployed and had no idea what to do with my life.. Aged 34 I was terrified to start a new job but I had no choice. Being away from people for a few years I had become worse at dealing with social situations without realising it. I hadn't had to go on a bus for a few years, or meet new people, or be in public much at all. With the pressure of having to find a job I withdrew more. I had never got on a bus on my own until I was 17 and that fear came back to haunt me at this time. I had a fear that the bus driver wouldn't be able to hear what I said and I'd be humiliated to have to repeat it. The supermarket presented new problems too. I was worried my hands would shake nervously as I handed over cash, and I worried I would drop the change as the cashier gave me change. In this frame of mind, interviews were going to be a struggle so I looked online to see if there was any help that could help me cope with all of this.

I searched the internet for days and then by accident I found out about Social Anxiety. I had no idea it existed or anybody else in the world and this same condition. You can't imagine my relief to find out I wasn't alone, I had a real condition. In the past, everybody, and I mean everybody, had told me I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Now I had a name to call it I felt as though I could find a way to fight it. I read everything I could found out ways to relax and thought I was doing quite well.

I was making progress until I got my first job interview. I was a nervous wreck for the whole 5 days preceding it. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was nauseous all the time. If at any point I told myself that I could miss the interview I would have felt instantly better but I couldn't allow myself to do that. The morning of the interview came, I made myself look presentable in my suit and set out to walk the three miles to the interview. I didn't want to have to face both a bus ride and an interview in one day. Unfortunately the nausea overcame me and I vomited in the street halfway between home and the interview. I gave up on the interview. I walked back the way I am came and went straight to the doctor's surgery. I had to wait three days to see my GP (for the first time ever as it happens) and that was a weight on my mind and made me anxious and stressed for a further 3 days. I didn't like speaking about myself and I really did not want to share this with anybody but had my back against the wall and nowhere else to turn.

Despite being obviously very nervous with my body shaking probably looking rather sick because I had barely had a bite of food for a week my GP offered none of the medication I had read about online, no advice and just booked me in for counselling which took s 13 weeks to begin.

I did go to the counselling with high hope but I was sorely disappointed. The counselling was of no help to me. Being told to try not to be nervous and do little steps and try to help myself bit by bit was no help at all. In the end I just submitted to saying at counselling in order to just be able to finish the 12 week course then walk away and be on my own.

I will say that most of the people I have met online that are SAD'ers have found the NHS much more helpful than I have. Maybe it's because of my age, the fact that I am single and have no dependents or because I am teetotal have never taken drugs and therefore unlikely to cause myself any harm through substance abuse, but I have basically been pushed aside and forgotten.

On the upside, there are a lot of very wonderful people on www.social-anxiety.org.uk/ that helped me and can help you too. I don't post there much but reading the struggles and coping mechanisms that other real sufferers share is of great help to me. Of course I envy those that have a GP that sent them straight for CCBT treatment (find out more about this at www.social-anxiety.org.uk/) but I am very happy for anyone that overcomes this disorder.

As for me, I found my own solution in taking temporary work when I can get it. Apart from brief introductions temps are mostly ignored and as I am a natural born southerner living in the north most probably just consider me an unfriendly southerner. Doing temping I can feel nervous for a few months then take a break from people. It works for me quite well and I'm actually in a good place mentally these days. My way may not work for everybody however. I'm sure most SAD'ers have a desire to mix with people but are just afraid. I tend not to miss social situations when I don't have them. Maybe it's because of so many years of being afraid that I'm just so used to being alone now.

Rest assured there is help out there whether on the Social Anxiety website or though your GP. I would definitely say that if you are to get help from your GP you'll have to fight against your anxiety and not be afraid to lose face or make a fuss because that could count against you in the long term.

My last piece of advice would be to never start hating yourself because of your SAD. Hate the SAD and fight the SAD as best you can but always take good care of yourself.

Summary: Life may be harder, but not impossible.