Social anxiety - it's hard but can be improved (Social Phobia Disorder)

Member Name: justathought

Product:	Social Phobia Disorder
Date:	12/05/09 (88 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: builds character?

Disadvantages: makes everyday tasks difficult

According to the NHS
(http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Phobias/Pages/Intro duction.aspx)

"Social phobia is a fear of social or performance situations, such as a wedding or public speaking. Those with a social phobia have a fear of embarrassing themselves or of being humiliated in public.

If you have a social phobia, the thought of being in public or appearing at social events will make you extremely anxious and frightened. It is because these types of situations make you feel vulnerable.

Avoiding meeting people in social situations, including parties or eating in restaurants, is a typical sign of social phobia. In extreme cases, some people are too afraid to leave their home.

Paruresis, also known as bashful bladder syndrome, is another type of social phobia. This anxiety disorder means that you are unable to use public toilets or urinate when others are nearby. It can make it hard to perform normal activities, such as going to work, attending social events or taking holidays. Paruresis can start at any age and seems to affect men more than women.

It is thought that 1-2% of men and women have a social phobia, and it is usually linked to low self-esteem and fear of criticism."

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MY OWN EXPERIENCE
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Growing up, I always felt that I was 'different' from other people - I was always described as 'shy' and 'quiet' in school, and when I had to give a talk in high school, I was actually in tears. I always really disliked school, and had very few friends.

When I started uni, I was forced to be more independent (I did force my mum to come with me for registration though!) but there were a few 'strange' things I would do like

I would wait for a bus, but not get on it if it looked a bit full - I would sometimes wait more than an hour so that I could get on an empty-sh bus, though loads would go past.

I would find it hard to talk to the bus driver to pay the bus fare, or shop assistants for my size, so I would try and avoid these situations

If I was lost, I would wander around trying to find my own way (I'm VERY bad at directions!) rather than ask someone.

I would mess up lab experiments, because I didn't want to ask for help.

If I did end up at a social function, people would often ask people who were with me 'what's wrong with her?' - not in a mean way - they genuinely thought there was something wrong because I was so quiet and withdrawn.

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FINDING OUT I HAD SOCIAL ANXIETY
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Eventually, when I went to the doctor once to get something else checked, the doctor must have noticed something, because she said that I looked upset, and asked me to talk to her about it. She said that I seemed very depressed and wanted to prescribe antidepressants. As I hadn't thought about it, I wanted to know if there were any alternatives; the doctor then decided to refer me to a psychologist.

After a few weeks, I had an preliminary appointment - I had to talk to someone, who would assess what the next step would be. I don't remember too much about this, but I spoke to a very nice lady about what my problems were and what would help me (I think we discussed depression groups and one to one appointments with a psychologist).

After about a year, I had my first appointment with a psychologist. After a couple of appointments, she worked out that I had social anxiety, and asked me if I would be interested in a CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) social phobia group, which was run at the hospital by the psychologist I was seeing plus one of her colleagues. I was very wary but decided to give it a go.

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CBT
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The group was run over 10 weeks with one 2 hour session every week (I think).
The areas covered included; what is social anxiety? Safety behaviours (the patterns of what you do when you feel socially anxious), changing thinking patterns, reducing self- consciousness and building confidence, amongst others. I'll have to dig out my old worksheets to detail everything!

The first couple of times I went, I was so nervous and shy, I barely looked up. After that, I started to get to know and feel comfortable with the group (there were about 6 of us), and just started opening up a lot more. During the time I was at the group, I started a jewellery making class - something I wouldn't have contemplated doing on my own before, and I used a lot of the techniques I learned in the group to feel more comfortable. I had thought that there would be really strange people at the group, but everyone was perfectly normal, and not all 'shy' - there was one guy who came across as very confident and outspoken but he couldn't give presentations at work, for example. The group really helped me, and the psychologists that ran it were fantastic, especially as one of them specialised in social anxiety, and had previously suffered from it. For a while, I kept in touch with one of the people from the group, but I lost her number.

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WHAT ELSE HAS HELPED ME?
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After the group had finished, and I was advised that I didn't need the psychologist appointments anymore, I found it hard not to go back to my old ways, but a couple of things helped me not to do that. One was the book 'Overcoming social anxiety and shyness' by Gillian Butler, and another was a couple of social anxiety forums, where there are lots of discussions of different issues those with social anxiety face.:

http://www.sascotland.co.uk/forum/ (you don't have to be Scottish! - it's just a smaller community of mostly those from Scotland) and

http://www.social-anxiety-community.org/db/

I've also found it helpful to put my problems in perspective - I do have my physical health, a lovely family, and many other things to be grateful for.

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NOWADAYS
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I find that I'll push myself to deal with situations that may make me feel anxious - and it does help. I can now make a phonecall without building it up for days (though I do still hate answering the phone), and am fine with travelling (I had a job in Edinburgh for a few months, which was a nightmare for travelling - 5 hours per day!, but I got used to it, and I think it made me stronger). I think that being shy is partly my personality, but I do still think I have 'social phobia', though it is probably much milder than before. I think I still need to work on assertiveness a lot, and dealing with people (I had a horrendous time being bullied by a colleague at my old work, and generally found it hard to be scrutinised when carrying out my work) but I believe things will, hopefully keep getting better, as long as I keep making the effort to improve.

Summary: A fear of dealing with people