Zero To Hero, Or Public Enemy No1 To Acceptably Compliant? Bollocks to that. Just Give Me A Smoke (Nicorette Patch Step 3)

Member Name: Farting Weasel

Product:	Nicorette Patch Step 3
Date:	13/06/06 (758 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: You live longer

Disadvantages: Not as easy as you might think

Zero To Hero, Or Public Enemy No1 To Acceptably Compliant? Bollocks to that. Just Give Me A Smoke Before I Kill Some One.


Welcome, my friends, to the art of packing in smoking, Part 2.

Nicorette Patches
15mg patch, one per day for a month.
10mg patch, one per day for two weeks.
5mg patch, one per day for two weeks.
Seven per box. Cost depends where you get them from, but can be anything up to twenty quid for a box (a weeks supply). Also available on prescription from your GP in the UK.

Ok, there is one rule you must remember when quitting smoking. It’s this; whilst you’re engaged in the bitter struggle against the dreaded weed, you’ll always come across at least one fuckwit who’ll swear blind that they packed in smoking without a problem. They stopped, just like that; going from a forty-a-day habit to nothing!?

And the Good Lord flies a 747 on bank holidays just to keep his hand in, doesn’t he? Yeah, right.

They’ll always tell you this with the sort of smug smile that just tugs at the corners of their smug none smoking mouths. You know the look? Of coarse you do. It’s the one that is begging to be slapped off. These people are good for only one thing. Exercising your slapping action.

The rule? Just walk away from these idiots. You’ll find it will help you avoid a stress related heart attack and a spell detained at Her Majesty’s pleasure for GBH.

Yep, life can be a heap of shite when you‘re on the wagon. Whatever wagon. There will always be folk who have either done it without a problem or try to get you to fall off. Nice. The one common feature of them all is that they do not in any way make life easy for you. They contribute absolutely nothing.

Some worthy once proclaimed that nothing worth achieving comes easy, an oft’ favourite saying of smug gits. Whoever it was who thought it up must’ve been trying to pack in smoking at the time, because they weren’t joking.

The problem with quitting the dreaded weed is that you don’t know how ingrained tobacco is in everyday life until you stop using it. References to the bloody stuff are everywhere. Even where cigarettes are not supposed to be smoked, there is still the advertising. You can smell cigarette smoke at a thousand paces and man, does it smell good. In short; trying to pack the weed in is a bit of a chore. It’s certainly a bigger job than the health fascists would have you believe.

It’s very hard to be anywhere without a nicotine reminder. The worst of it is, the cigarette company’s best advertising is already done; it’s in your head. Y’know, that little voice at the back of your thoughts whispering sweet nothings in your minds ear. The soft seductive tones of one of life’s’ most prolific and lethal whores. But oh, does she sound sexy! The promises of sweetness and light are most attractive too. Until you succumb and light up that is. Then you find it’s all just a lie. A lie that’s designed to make some rich fat cat richer and kill you.

Nicorette patches. Yes. Awesome. The dogs bollocks.

For two months they are brilliant. As I’ve said in Part 1, you start on the 15mg patches for four weeks. Then you go onto he 10mg patches for two weeks and then the 5mg patches for two weeks. All in all, a two month course that shields you from the need for a fag. The body’s physical craving is soothed. You have a set of mental ear muffs. Yep, the Nicorette patch is an absolute Godsend.

By the time you get to the 5mg patches, you’ll find that you will be forgetting to put a patch on. Which bodes well. I also got to a stage where one patch lasted two days. This started because I forgot to take a patch off one night so when I realised my mistake the next morning I just carried on with the same one. It seemed to work too. Ideal. Better still, it postponed the inevitable.

I didn’t have any major problems whilst using the patches. Though I did notice some side effects. The first one you’ll get to know very well was the itching that started when the patch was applied. It only lasts for about ten minutes but it could be quite intense. The skin where the patch is stuck turns red and this redness can last for a day or two. So always alternate where you stick it. The sticky itself can last for days. Do try to take the patch off at night before bed. It’ll help you sleep.

You may, from time to time, find that you yearn for a fag. Don’t bother, while the patch is on you’ll get no benefit. There is no initial rush as the nicotine hits your system because your system is already overflowing with the damn stuff. All you get is a nasty taste in your mouth, a headache and a bad feeling of having let yourself down. I know, it happened to me. A sly “just the one” is a complete and utter waste of time. Forget it.

The patches are so good that they will help you enormously without you having to do very much. But there are things you can do to make your live even easier and their job even better. Call it a bit of forward thinking. Change all your routines, especially these that involve lighting up. Avoid places where you used to spark up. Avoid people while they are having a fag. I was lucky on this score as I changed jobs and moved house and lost my car (a motorized ashtray) all within weeks of stopping smoking so my entire life changed. Helpful, but a little bit of a stressfest nonetheless. Try washing all your clothes to get the smell out. Clean the house top to bottom. Change it around. Find something to keep your hands busy; so if your partner ain’t around and a touch of DIY is not your thing, take up knitting or building model planes. But best of all. Buy a demijohn and put the cash you would’ve otherwise spent on fags in it, every day. Now, if that’s doesn’t prove an incentive then you really do need to get a life, badly.

Some say the craving is worse when you’ve had a beer or two. And this is true but all you need to do is remember that if you do have a smoke you’ll be sick. Not pleasant. Alternately, don’t drink.

Everything is going hunky dory.

Then they’re gone. You’re left on your own with no crutch. Aagghhhhh time is about to begin. Yep, the last patch has just been consigned to the bin; there are none left. You stand there, lost, knowing that you are now in the stark cold world of post nicotine reliance and life is about to get a lot tougher. Welcome to the real world where the wolves of craving howl. Cold and merciless. Believe me when I say that when it comes to kicking the habit there is nothing on earth that can prepare you for the fight ahead of you from this point on.

You’re on your own kid.

It’s here that the patches fall down. The little leaflet that comes with the patches is great on how to use the things but there is nothing on how to look after yourself after the course is finished. I’m afraid you just don’t walk away thinking everything in the garden will be rosy. It’s not.

You must keep looking after yourself. You will find that keeping busy is the best way to forget about the fags. It’s best to try and avoid stress fests, so you’ll find your planning and anticipatory skills become quite honed. Now that you can look for and avoid the obvious, the cravings will start a campaign of guerrilla warfare. The urge to reach for a fag will sneak up on you when you least expect it. The cravings can be quite subversive too; there will always be unwitting accomplices. Every now and again, someone will offer you a fag. It‘ll seem so natural you‘ll be accepting one before you realise what you are doing. You must remember that the habit of smoking is ingrained very deeply into your life and will never be completely removed. What this means is you must remain on your guard against subconsciously lighting up. It can happen all too easily. So watch your back.

But all is not lost. It does get easier. If you’ve got through this far without a smoke then you might as well keep going. You’re over the worst.

You’ll start to find that your sense of taste gets better. You’re able to smell better, even to the point that you can smell fags on those who walk passed you. You smell fresher and you don’t get the health fascists on your back any more. You become a human being again, not a criminal.

Your health improves. You can catch your breath again. Your finger tips no longer look blue. The cough goes, as does the sore throat. Your chest hurts but this is just the shit from years of smoking falling away. You’ll get a sore mouth too. Why? Couldn’t tell you but that’s what happened to me. You will sleep better too. Although that took a week or two to happen. No yellow stain on my fingers.

The downside? I’m fatter. I’ve put on a stone and a half in two months. This despite eating less. I was mortified when my wife pointed out that for the first time in our marriage, I have a paunch. I’m in danger of becoming one of those who need a mirror to see their own dick. Aaagggghhh!!!!! I also suspect, though no one has told me to my face, that I suffer from dog breath. A common affliction for ex-smokers, but a very handy one when in the company of arseholes. As is having a hair trigger temper.

Thankful for small mercies, I have not turned into one of those obnoxious born again none smokers.

The really big downside to stopping smoking, however, is that I found that I had nothing to look forward to. I found that I missed a fag most when I’d finished a chore. You know, like chopping wood for the fires or just getting home after work and relaxing with a mug of splosh. I had nothing to help me de-rev after a stress fest.

But, when all is said and done, the effort has been worth it. I’m better off money wise, well, the wife is. And I’m sure I am a far more pleasant person to be around. And it’s nice not have my life ruled by whether I have enough baccy or not. In fact, it’s all been quite a rewarding experience.

Nevertheless, I am still gagging for a fag. The craving hits like a freight train every now and then. It’s soon forgotten, but sometimes the cravings can border on being physically painful. Really, the only thing that stops me lighting up again is the fact I’ve just hit 100 days of abstinence, and the wrath of the family should I start again. It’s not worth the trouble and I’ve done too much to blow it now.

Nicorette patches - Recommended.

Summary: Welcome to the real world where the wolves of craving howl