Into And Out Of The Greyness... (Cipramil)

Member Name: karenuk

Product:	Cipramil
Date:	28/11/02 (6327 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: helps the depression, tablets can be broken in half to swallow

Disadvantages: side effects

This opinion is going to be in two parts really. I hope it doesn’t seem too off-topic to begin with a bit about my depression – how I came to realise I had a problem, why I got so low, my symptoms and so on. The second section will be about my treatment – namely the anti-depressant Cipramil.

PART ONE ~ Into The Greyness

I didn’t feel the slide downwards. I only really noticed when I hit the bottom.

I read Junkboxjules’ opinion on Cipramil and I was nodding along, it seemed so familiar. I realised how low I had got and knew I had to get some help.

I went to see my GP. I probably wouldn’t have gone, but I had to ring and cancel my daughter’s appointment and while I was on the phone, I asked if I could have an appointment for myself for ‘next week’. The receptionist said I could just take my daughter’s time slot which was an hour or so later. I think if I had been offered a later appointment, I would have chickened out.

I ended up sat in the waiting room for half an hour. My feet kept turning towards the door, while my mind was furiously thinking of other places I had to be, other things I had to do. But I stayed and waited until my name was called out.

I saw a woman GP who is lovely, very sympathetic and easy to talk to. I hadn’t wanted to march in and say “Hi, I’m depressed, can you help?” I thought she would laugh at me and say I was being silly if I had. I thought I would have to be sat there crying my eyes out for her to believe me, while I really hadn’t been that tearful after all.

But I sat down, she asked what was wrong and it just came out – “I think I’m depressed.” She didn’t laugh, she didn’t send me out of the surgery, she nodded, listened and asked why I thought that.

I started to say a few reasons and soon it all came tumbling out…

Sometimes
I couldn’t sleep ‘til 2am, other days I couldn’t get out of bed in the mornings and I regularly had disturbed nights.

Some days, I skipped meals, forgetting to eat and other times, I would eat two tubs of ice cream in one day.

I was having panic attacks and feeling insecure. I felt my family were taking me for granted and couldn’t see they were making things harder for me.

I was always tired. I was having naps every afternoon and sometimes in the early evening as well. I was so tired, I felt drugged as though there was no way I could fight it.

I was emotional, but about silly things. I never sat and cried out of sadness, but I cried over Popstars – The Rivals, Fame Academy, even the Trisha show.

I had very little energy or enthusiasm. When I thought of things that made me happy, I could only come up with a few and most were TV programmes or Ciao and Dooyoo.

People around me had noticed a change too. My husband and kids said how moody, touchy and irritable I was. But I couldn’t help it. Things felt much more important to me than they really were, I would get annoyed about trivial things and feel they were hugely important.

My sex drive had disappeared completely. After only being married four months, we were having sex once a month at most and although hubby was understanding, he was becoming irritable about it a bit too.

The GP asked what stressful events I have had to deal with lately. The list easily tripped off my tongue – In May, I quit my job and took my kids out of school after they had been bullied for weeks. (You can read more about this in my ‘hardest opinion’.) In June, we moved house. In July, I got married. I homeschooled my four children (all different ages, two of whom have behavioural difficulties.) until the new term started. I became too scared to leave my house for a while. In September, three of my kids went back to their
old school, my eldest started High School and my Dad got married.

She understood. She said that big events like moving house and getting married are hugely stressful in themselves. When I explained about my phobias and my occasional OCD traits, she said that my personality probably made me more likely to suffer from depression.

I explained about my short-term depression following the September 11th attacks and she felt I had probably been depressed since then – some fourteen months. She felt I would have been better off consulting a GP before, but was sympathetic, understanding how hard it was for me to turn up at all.

I was relieved to be diagnosed as having depression because it meant I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t a horrible person and something could be done to make me better. But it would take time. She said I had quite a severe bout of depression and I might need to be on medication for a year. I don’t mind. I just want to get better.

PART TWO ~ Out Of The Greyness

I don’t like taking tablets or any medication really. I know I need my inhalers, Migraleve and the Pill with the occasional dose of antibiotics. But I try not to take anything unnecessarily.

My parents were very much ‘old school’ when I was a child. I believed anti-depressants were bad, they were addictive and people didn’t need them, they just needed to ‘pull themselves together.’ So I already felt a failure by going to see my GP, but I knew I had to do something positive to get me out of the greyness (as I saw it).

First of all, my GP suggested I was put on Prozac, but I can’t swallow big tablets and it was only available in capsules. So she checked her books and decided Cipramil would be best, as it is a small tablet and can be broken in two halves if necessary.

I was prescribed a box of 28 tablets, told to start with half a tablet per day (10mg) for a week then incre
ase it to a whole tablet each day (20mg). After three weeks, I was to go back and see her to discuss how things are progressing. She explained that each person needs to find the right medication and the correct dosage to treat them.

She also warned I might experience some side effects, which could make some symptoms worse initially, but to persevere if I could. I am phobic about being sick, so I did ask her if vomiting was a side effect and she reassured me it wasn’t common.

I went to the chemist to get the tablets and found myself feeling both dirty and guilty. It was a very strange feeling. I got home and rang my husband though and he said it was a positive step and now we knew it was depression, it could be treated. I also talked to my best friend Allie - who has been through depression herself – and she was a great support and has been there for me every day too, as I have coped with everything.

So I took half a tablet for the first week. I began having side effects pretty much straight away…

My mouth always seemed dry and I was almost continually thirsty.

I thought someone was in the back garden, waiting to break in or attack me. I had to investigate every noise I heard and keep looking out of the window to check.

The paranoia also affected me waiting at the school gates. I felt everyone was looking at me and whispering, saying how fat and ugly I was and what a horrible person. (This is why I dyed my hair bright red – see brand new pic on profile page – as now I know they’re whispering about my hair!)

This led to be having panic attacks on a twice-daily basis. If Allie wasn’t at school with me waiting for our kids, I would have to hold onto the fence or lean against it, because I thought I would faint. I even had panic attacks at home for no reason; I could feel my heart racing or I felt I was choking even though I had nothing in my mouth.

At the s
tart of the second week, I increased the dose to a whole tablet as I had been instructed and a couple of days after this, things seemed to finally be going in the right direction.

Almost three weeks into the medication, this is how I am doing…

I am often tired, but don’t normally need a daytime nap.

I can do housework in short bursts, but working for an hour feels like twelve.

I am not so emotional and only cry occasionally at the telly.

I still don’t have any interest in sex. (Sorry hubby!)

My appetite varies. I still forget to eat sometimes, but it’s not as bad as it was.

My paranoia is much better and I only have panic attacks once every few days.

Things are not perfect, but they are improving…

I still have times when I just sit and watch TV and can’t physically move from the chair, even to make a cup of tea.

I find some things too frightening and daunting to even attempt – silly things like making a phonecall.

Sometimes, I don’t even want to turn the computer on as I feel it is hassling me, demanding I do loads of stuff, which I can’t always cope with.

I go to see my GP tomorrow morning. I am going to be able to tell her that the Cipramil is working. I am improving, but I know it’s going to be a slow process. I’ve had two good days in a row this week and I can’t remember the last time that happened.

CIPRAMIL ~ THE FACTS

Cipramil contains the active ingredient Citalopram hydrobromide.

Used to treat the symptoms of depression and to help prevent them recurring. It can also help alleviate panic attacks.

Not suitable if you are allergic to any of the ingredients, pregnant, breastfeeding, have various medical conditions or are taking certain medication (lithium, tryptophan, Imigran, MAOIs).

It is sensible to avoid drinking alcohol while on Cip
ramil.

The usual dose is 20-60mg per day.

Side effects can include nausea, dry mouth, sweating, drowsiness, tremor and heightened anxiety (during the first week or two).

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