SNOT a great tissue (Tempo Tissues)

Member Name: cmh4135

Product:	Tempo Tissues
Date:	14/12/01 (1749 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Great as emergency rain protection

Disadvantages: Too small to cope with all but the gentlest of blows!

The cold season (or for the men reading, the 'flu season) is upon us again and we will all (hopefully) be reaching into our pockets when the bug strikes. But what do we pull out? (cue sarcastic comments!)...

You remember the advert. Just hold this tissue in front of your face whilst I squirt you with water. Whoops! It's a normal tissue and you just got wet, here try this one. Punter is then handed a "Tempo" tissue and the exercise is repeated save this time there is no soaking as the tissue holds firm. Wow!

Forgive my sarcasm. The challenge presented by companies seeking a new marketing edge for their products must have worn thin by now. We've had the bigger, softer, lotion impregnated and smelly varieties now we have a product that claims to combine all of these but with added strength. What next? A tissue that blows your nose for you? Or acts like a sanitary towel, absorbing the snot so you can re-use it again and again --- now there's a product idea if ever I saw one!

Research has shown that as consumers we are moving away from the good old mansize-have-a-good-snort variety of tissues towards cosmetic tissues otherwise known as if-you-have-a-cold-you-might-as-well-use-your-fing ers. The average household will apparently spend £8.89 on tissues in a year (Source AC Nielson) - that's a lot of packs of happy shopper tissues at 29p a throw - the marketeers must be doing something right!

So, Tempo. Do you have the Ronseal factor? Do you do what it says on the box?

The tissues are white and about 8 inches square (whoops! Forgot. We are in Europe now and I don't want my opinion deleted by Brussels for breach of the Weights and Measures Directive - they are 20.5cm x 21 cm - By the Way did anyone read about the "straight gherkins case" apparently the German's can't handle bent wallys!).

The thing that makes them unusual is that they are 4 ply as against the normal
2 ply (i.e. there are four layers of tissue). The layers are held together via a pattern effect which effectively seals the layers together. Not unattractive and not too feminine so the tissue could be pulled out of the pocket of a bloke and he would not feel self-conscious from this!

I guess that the 4 ply nature of the tissue is what gives it its strength. There is no doubting that you can have a jolly good blow on this tissue before it loses its way and disintegrates in your hand.

Purely in the name of research I decided to set up an office tug-o-war with a Tempo tissue when the boss was out! Horror of horrors I discovered the flaw in the Tempo advert's claims. If you hold the tissue along its slightly longer side all is well - if you use the shorter side the tissue splits as any other tissue would. Didn't show that to the camera's did they?!

The tissues are soft although I do not like the way the different ply's seem to slip against each other when you use the tissue. It doesn't feel so good but does feel remarkably different from other products on the market. My other major complaint is the size of these tissues. They are simply too small. What is the point of producing an ultra-strong tissue that is incapable of coping with the average snot factory that is created every time you get a cold? One blow and you need to throw them away. Now I'm not one for storing snotty tissues in my pocket unless it is my last one but I do like to be able at least to wipe my nose following a blow…not with these I can't. Perhaps this is a secret ploy to make us buy even more…..

Price-wise these are more expensive than you average tissue and in my opinion not worth the extra expense.

Most "upmarket" tissue brands make an attempt to make the box look acceptable for the average living room/ bedroom. Tempo don't seem to have cottoned onto this "Changing Rooms" factor and
prefer the traditional tacky cardboard box with a small opening in blue and yellow with the Tempo logo emblazoned on the side. Even old-timer Kleenex manage to produce a box without branding on the visible sides!

Sorry Tempo - you might be able to protect me from a water sprayer if I am holding the tissue the right way around and you came up with a highly effective marketing strategy - shame the product doesn't live up to it!

CLAIRE'S BOTTOM TEN TIPS FOR TISSUE USE:

1 - Always have a tissue in your pocket - you never know when you might need one;

2 - Don't shun handkerchiefs - nothing looks prettier than a lady dabbing her nose on a lace one;

3 - Always take tissues out of your jeans pocket before loading them into the washing machine - doesn't do your machine any good to have bits of soggy tissue floating around and the clothes don't tend to look too good with their new adornments either!

4 - Ladies, when visiting a public loo take a handful of tissues in with you. Guaranteed if you want to go real bad there will be no loo roll, or worse it will be of the greaseproof paper variety, designed to leave mess where it is!

5 - Never have your mouth firmly shut when blowing your nose and don't clear both nostrils at once - the pressure that is built up can damage your ears, nose and throat.

6 - Do not try to clean your glasses on a tissue that has "added lotion" - they will just smear.

7 - If you have a heavy cold it does pay to invest in some lotion impregnated tissues - it will, with the help of some added nivea or vaseline at night, save you from the Rudolf look.

8 - Encourage children to use tissues by buying character tissues.

9 - Don't sniff in public, it is a disgusting habit - see 1 above

10 - Have a good blow - you'll feel better for it!


Hope you all manage to avoid the colds this year but
if you don't, get better soon!

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