Speed For The Nose (Tempo Tissues)

Name: MALU

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Product:	Tempo Tissues
Date:	13/02/03 (5247 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: soft, tear-proof, soak-through-secure

Disadvantages: not the cheapest brand

I’ve just recuperated from a severe attack of rhinitis. Do you sympathise with me, do you think, “Poor woman” ?

Nice of you, but it only shows that words of Greek and Latin origin sound impressive for the Anglo-Saxon ear, I’m not sure that you’d be feeling the same had I told you that I’d just come through a bout of running nose!

When is a member of the work force allowed to call in sick? It depends on the workplace, I’d say, if I worked alone in an office or in a factory with lifeless machinery, a running nose wouldn’t be reason enough, but as it is my job to interact with people (pupils), it is. Yet not all teachers stay at home when their noses are running, I do so for two days every winter season as I suffer from the V V V, the Vile and Vicious Variety.

During this time my body turns from the solid into a liquid state, fluids come out of all openings of the body, my eyes are bloodshot, my ears seem to be packed in cotton wool padding and I can understand what my pupils are mumbling even less than on normal days, my brain is a blob of snot and I feel dizzy. Doesn’t sound very attractive, does it?

But I haven’t told you about my sneezing fits! Once I had planned a touristy trip to the city of Nuremberg and went although I felt a cold approaching. Inside the Cathedral I was seized by a sneezing attack of supernatural proportions. Leaning at a pillar so as not to fall to the ground I sneezed, 10 times, 15 times? I can’t say as the vault reverberated my nasal explosions. Did I desecrate the holy place? Luckily there was no service going on at the time, I think God has forgiven me, I’m not so sure the church goers would have.

Do I use Tempo when ’it’ comes over me? I do and I don’t.
What does this cryptic remark mean?

“Have you got a Tempo?” Since 1929 Germans have asked this question and over the decades t
he brand name Tempo has become a synonym for paper handkerchiefs, Tempo has reached the Mount Olympus of fame, 100% of the German population know it!

Over the decades the product has been constantly improved, it’s now tear-proof, soak-through-secure and of a snuggly softness. The tissue is tear-proof in one direction only, it tears easily if you turn it round. I like that, I often tear off a narrow strip along the creases to take superfluous lipstick away.

The raw material, cellulose fibres which are fully degradable after use, has not been altered, there’s only a minimal amount of additives necessary for the soft and resistent-to-tear effect. The size of each tissue is 21 x 21.4 cm which according to my experience is OK for one blow; as everybody knows it’s not advisable to use a tissue again in order not to perpetuate the infection.

Does the brand name ‘Tempo’ mean anything? Indeed it does, the word means ‘speed’ in German. The product was invented in the 1920s, an era of superlatives, everything was possible, everything was characterised by ‘tempo = speed’.

Interestingly, Kleenex tissues were invented in the same decade, in 1924 to be precise. My British research person (Ta muchly, Maryanne!) assures me that what is true for Tempo in Germany is true for Kleenex in Great Britain, the brand name has become a synonym for the product.

Do Tempo paper handkerchiefs stand a chance at all on the British market? As you can imagine, I used the homepage (there’s an English version, too, in 1994 Tempo was acquired by Procter & Gamble [but the annual 20 billion hankies are still produced in Germany, in Neuss, a town near Düsseldorf] ), and I also wrote an email asking how high the percentage of Tempo was on the German and on the British market. The answer:

In Germany Tempo is the brand-leader with a volume of 22.9 % and a value of 32%,
in GB Tempo has a volu
me of 2.5% and a value of 2.2%.
(What is the difference between volume and value? You tell me! Economy is not my forte.)

Whereas Tempo is offered in different packages in Germany, only one kind is available in GB:
8 x 10 tissues for 1.49 GBP (Tesco)

When the product is so wonderful, why don’t I use it regularly? It is more expensive than the products offered by supermarket chains, compared to those Tempo is softer, there’s no doubt about it, but when I suffer from my V V V of a running nose, I don’t care, it’s one blow and off into the bin, my nose is so sore then that I don’t feel softness anyway. I use Tempo more for the ‘aprés cold’ period and then indulge in the kind enriched with Aloe Vera and Camomile Extract or Menthol.

God bless you!

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