Wax On, Wax Off.... (Lava Lamps)

Member Name: Peakly

Product:	Lava Lamps
Date:	06/02/01 (1780 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Wax On

Disadvantages: Wax Off

Ever light a candle, then stare for hours as the hot wax slowly melts and drips down the side, in lovely, creamy white lumps? I'm sure you have, go on, admit it!

Picture it, now. Imagine the little drips, racing each other down the smooth sides of the candle body. Sometimes they narrowly escape collision, and reach the base alone. Can you hear them cheer, those little drips? And how about when they do collide, and they merge slowly into one, fat, juicy droplet? The screams of those unfortunate fellows certainly follow me into my dreams at night! It's all a race see, with candles. I see the flame on top as the Olympic torch, and the melted wax that drips and collects below as the runners, trying desperately to reach the base without banging into each other. Can you picture it? I think you can. Your version of the game might differ slightly, but you can picture it alright.

This is the wonder, of the lava lamp. Beyond the stupid name and the unfortunate connection with the 70's, there lies a world of powerful visual stimulation and hypnotic mastery. It all depends if you're crazy, strong, and prepared to try and survive the experience. So I ask you all, are you groovy enough? Well, are you?


Take some wax, put it in a transparent tube and heat it. Simple, really. The wax will melt and begin to rise slowly to the top of the lamp, where it will cool and begin to descend again, often colliding and mixing with other pieces of the wax on it's way down. The resulting effect will both calm and please you. Many a time I have returned from facing the world, full of the inevitable anger and frustration, slapped on the old 'double-L' and felt fine. Watching the wax melt and merge can touch a man in places that nothing else could even hope to reach.


THE BUYING GUIDE
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Lava lamps come in a whole range of shapes and sizes. It's true, they real
ly do. Mine is the straight forward 'rocket' job, with a pointy top and all. Yours might be a big old square, or something novel like a long tube or a triangle. It all depends how much money you have, and, of course, how groovy you can be. If like me, you enjoy the subtle allure of the rocket lava lamp, you're in luck - these are the most common and easy to find. Rarer shapes are generally found in specialist shops, and will usually cost you more in way of cash.

As far as size goes, it's more straight forward. Lava lamps stand about as high as an average television (unless the TV is on a table, in which case it should stand about as tall as the table leg), and take up no room at all. In fact, a single room could host an entire array of lava lamps with little struggle at all.

Another area of the 'double-L' that may vary is the colour scheme. Try and go with your heart, and pick what fells right in your gut, not that misleading brain of yours. Pink and brown wax in a indigo casing? Go for it! Never mind that fact it conflicts with the calm blue paint on your walls - this is more important!

Cost wise, well... how do you type the noise you make when someone asks you a question which you are equally, if not more, baffled over, a sort of grunt that accompanies a shrug and raised eyebrows?

'hmpf!'

... you see the thing is, it varies a lot. Some shops chose to sell their lava lamps at a relatively low price, while others often op to price theirs at a similar, if not higher or lower, price. Shop around - you may find better deals at different places - don't go buying the first one you see!

Obviously though, money isn't the issue. The wonders of lamp are that count, and the instant social credibility they lend you.


WHY LAVA LAMPS ROCK
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Remember that stuff at the start about candles? Well, if you thought
that was fun - think again. The wax you watch in lava lamps is a lot more exciting, for many reasons. Obviously, unlike candles, the wax in lava lamps can bring together a whole different range of colours and textures (or just a plain colour scheme, if that's your thing), and the way the wax moves is a lot less linear. I mean these babies know no bounds! The wax can flow left, right, up or down, hell, they can even grow up from the bottom or rest at the top. Many people claim warming up time is a disadvantage to lava lamps - nonsense! Here's a brief guide to the various stages of melting.

STAGE ONE - At this point, the wax is still fairly solid. It should be starting to rise, ever so slowly, and rarely in a straight forward shape, too! I recall a time a while ago, when myself and friends were watching a lamp, and the wax at stage one looked to us all very much like the figure of the Grim Reaper! I joke you not - this thing grew and grew, twisting and merging like no bodies business. In the end, it exploded into tiny bubbles, leaving as us all gob-smacked! Of course, we were stoned at the time.

STAGE TWO - The wax is bubbling over nicely - things are sure hotting up now! The 'blobs' should be rising and falling with growing regularity, and collision rate will be on the increase. At this stage, it is fun to watch the lamp to music, and consider the blobs to be moving in a 'fantasia' fashion. Try and image what the blobs are saying to each other. Go on.

STAGE THREE - Ahh, the final stage. Notice how fast they are going! Blobs will be whizzing and zooming all over the place, totally out of control! Watch out for those awkward blobs that will insist on clinging stubbornly to the roof of the lava lamp - they'll soon get their just-rewards!


EXTERNAL CONSIDERATIONS
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Obviously, lava lamps are best viewed under certain conditions and
in certain environments. Take your lamp on the train, for instance, and you may be disappointed, particularly when you can't plug it in and everyone looks at you funny. No, I always think the best place to lamp-watch is in the comfort of your own room. Dim the lights, stick on some tunes, and relax. Here's a quick list of the best music to watch lava by...

1) Kyuss/Queens Of The Stone Age/Fu Manchu/Zeppelin

Anything remotely 'stoner' ish will do. Watch with growing alarm and fascination as the pace and direction of the blobs match that of the music.

2) Rolf Harris

Think I'm joking? The blobs will simply glide over each other when played to the smoothing tones of Rolf's various strange and wonderful instruments.

3) Eminem

Excellent for party games - how often to the blobs collide during the same exact moment Slim Shady swears? Freaky stuff!

... in the end though, just about any music will do. Just make sure the lights are low, and you have a plug socket somewhere close by! Viewing with friends is always preferred. See who can spot the most interesting visions in the wax. Friends of mine have seen everything from a rotting foetus to Les Dennis.


IN CONCLUSION
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In conclusion, my friends, I can't recommend these babies enough. No matter your age, race, sex - all can be catered for somewhere in the vast lava lamp collection. Whether your a purple/lime wax-on-black case-in-a-rocket-man, or a yellow/green/grey wax-on-orange case-in a tube man, you won't be disappointed. Friends and family alike will marvel at your lamp as and when they visit, and you your self will have the pleasure of viewing your melted wax at the touch of a button. Go on! Why waste your time with Coronation Street when you could be riding the imaginative high-way instead?

There really is no excuse. But please, please, remember R
11; leaving your lamp on for over eight hours at a time is cruel – the wax will solidify, and the gate to your alternative reality will close for ever.




Lava Lamps are available from all big home and appliance outlets, with greater selections found in more product-specific stores dotted up and down the country.

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