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Boston it is more than just a band. Maybe people have heard of Boston. You would never know it but there is also a city named Boston, just not an awesome Band. Most peoplee do not know that. And it is my best childhood memory. Now when my family has fights and we are calling the cops on each other and everyone is putting restraining orders on each other and sending carloads of tough guys to look for each other I like to think of that special safe place in my heart which was our family vacation to Boston. Actually It was our family vacation, the only one we ever really took together. It was back in 1985. What happened was Popeye had graduated from the 8th grade and they always had this formal dance for the kids. My mom got him a nice powder blue Tux from the Salvation Army store and he was going to go with a girl named Louise from 3 lots over. There was a bunch of kids and my mom was driving them in our station wagon and they were stopping and getting their pictures taken all over town. They were getting their pictures taken by the flower clock downtown and all posed real nice when a truck from the power company came racing by (it was like 4:50 pm and the crew was racing to get off work, it was Friday) and they came flying by and the bucket apparatus came swinging out when they turned the corner and it hit a light post that in turn got chopped off and smashed this little old Portugese guy who ran the antique popcorn wagon. It smashed him in the head and blood went all over and splattered the who bunch of kids as my mom was taking their pictures. Because of this ruining the formal we sued the power company, the Popcorn cart guys estate and the manufacturers of the truck and the light post. When it was all said and done the judge threw out most of the suit but the power company gave us $5000 a year later. My dad was happy since he hadn't been working so well due to a bad back and my mom wanted to get a reliable car and attend stenographer classes since
she didn't like working at Pizza Hut. My dad said hell no, that $5000 wasn't enough to fix our lives, we would still be poor, we would still live in a trailer and still work crummy jobs, but with $5000 we could buy a whole bunch of memories by taking a real vacation. To me, I had never actually gone anywhere. While some kids went to France or Jamaica my summers were spent hanging out at a campgrounds setting fires while my parents drank and played euchre. I think my dad was right. We decided to go to Boston since that is where the Red Sox were. They play baseball which is a sport that is the right way to play cricket. My dad said we would act like normal people and live large, staying in a Holiday Inn, not Motel 6 like most people and we would eat at restaurants not from filling stations. And he would smoke Marlboros not Kroger cost cutters during the trip. My mom took us to Bobbi Gees and we all got two new outfits so we would look nice. Kortney just got hers at K-Mart since she was just a little kid and wanted Care Bear shit anyways. Owen wasn't around yet, except we think he might have got made the night my dad locked us out of the hotel room and told us to take my sister to feed the pigeons. We cut no corners. Instead of taking our car my dad rented a Lincoln Continental. He cared about our safety and wasn't going to stick his family in a death trap they call airplanes, they crash all the time. It was a beautiful car. We stopped at a gas station and bought some bumper stickers to put on it so people would think it was really our car. We drove 14 hours to Boston and stopped at the Holiday Inn. It was really a special time. I still like to look at the pictures of us all happy for once. Mom said the money was really Popeye's and should go for his college and my dad said "right, and how about we worry how we are going to put him through law school and that other dimwit bastard (me) through Med School?
" That was the end of discussion. Everyone knew that popeye and me both we not book smart and would get jobs that let us work with our hands someday. We like working with our hands. The first day we went deep sea fishing. No one caught a fish except Kortney but we were not allowed to keep it since my dad panicked when he saw its teeth snapping at us and shot it with his gun and the captain freaked out and said that we could not take a shot up fish ashore. That is okay, what the hell would we have done with a great big fish anyways. We only knew how to eat fish sticks. The next day we went on a helicopter ride and it was so much fun that the next day we took a ride in a hot air balloon but I threw up out of it. It wasn't much fun because my dad handcuffed me to the fuel cylinders since I was hyperactive so I could really look at see much. The day after that we went to the big aquarium they have there but we were not allowed to feed the sharks. You would think that if they fed the fish anyways that they would let visitors do it. After the Aquarium we went to the Red Sox game and watched Jim Rice hit a game winning double scoring Fred Lynn from first base. Carlton Fisk had three hits and they beat the Yankees. Carl Yaz did not play because he was too old and that wimp Marty Barrett struck out twice and Butch Hobson had a throwing error. We ate hot dogs and dad drank 17 beers and bought us those little baseball bats and pennants. The only act of violence on our trip was right after the game when we were leaving and some homeless guy started washing our car windscreen. My dad stuffed his hand in a McDonald's bag and punched the guy right in the kisser and knocked him out cold with one punch. My mom yelled at him and asked what he did it for and my dad said, "You saw him, he touched our car" and my mom was like, "That's obvious, I saw that but my French fries were still in that bag". She didn't want
to eat the fries after my dad used the bag as a fist condom to punch that dirty gut so Popeye and me took turns throwing them out the window so gulls would swoop down on the street to eat them and get smashed by cars. The last day we went to a puppet show that these people from Czechostan or somewhere put on. It was kind of scary for my sister but supposedly these are the top puppet people on earth. You would think hey would make the puppets have sex and fight but they didn?t. The puppets even played musical instruments. I supposed if we were rich people and not pretending to have so much money we would have went to the Museum of fine arts which is supposed to be nice. Or we could have went shopping on Newbury street which is for nice people. We didn?t even go to Chinatown because my dad was in Vietnam and gets nervous around those people. I guess there are some good colleges around there too that are kind of old. A place called Harvard and MIT. Sometimes we see the places we went on movies too. I guess a bunch of Irish people live out there. There was some trouble between England and America there for awhile a long time ago and some guys threw a bunch of tea in the ocean because they did not want to pay tax, they thought the King (not Elvis) should be spending all of his money to defend them from savage heathens and French and get nothing in return. Then some other guys were throwing stones at soldiers and got themselves killed and it was called the Boston massacre. I am sad that we are not still English like Australia because I like how them people talk and they would probably still show Benny Hill on TV but these asshole went and kicked the English out. It is a damn expensive place but it is fun if you got money. I will never forget our trip.