Nightmare in Wonderland (Gelina Village Hotel & Resort)

Member Name: delilahcrumpet

Product:	Gelina Village Hotel & Resort
Date:	11/09/02 (476 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: the scenery, the friendly and efficient maids, the apartment itself

Disadvantages: a very chauvinist country- men swagger about doing virtually nothing, women do the menial tasks, the drivers- again, mostly crazy, offhand Greek men who opt for speed over safety, The food, the restaurant in general (please, do yourself a favour and don't eat there) and the incredibly smarmy waiters

Well, I have to find somewhere to get everything off my chest, so I hope what I have to say is useful and will spare some poor sod the stress that I had to go through.

I've just got back from 2 weeks in Acharavi at the Gelina Village Hotel- raved about by travel agents, locals, taxi drivers etc as being the "best" hotel on Corfu. I even read the other reviews on this site before setting off, and I was hoping for a wonderful holiday. Let's just say I wasn't prepared for the stress I had to go through.

My boyfriend and I arrived late at the airport and had to endure the most hair-raising transfer along weaving mountain roads- badly lit and few safety barriers, in a cramped mini-bus with a driver who had only a passing acquaintance with brakes, gear changes and the concept of not over-taking on bends. I sat with my jacket over my head for most of the hour this drive took. Subsequent taxi rides were exactly the same. Corfiot drivers are testosterone-fuelled maniacs, so please do not hire a car or a bike/moped as your chances of death or paralysis, I would imagine, are incredibly high.

So we arrived at Gelina at almost midnight, far too late for dinner or a drink, or even to buy some water from the mini-market- a fast-talking, very offhand brunette was at reception and she informed us that we would find something "delicious" in our fridge. Maybe this was a bad omen, but as soon as we arrived in the apartment (the guide who accompanied us lost his way and had to go back and get directions) the fridge was empty, not even turned on. So being hungry, disappointed and tired, we phoned reception to enquire and the brunette quickly stated that there had been a mistake and we could "go up the road" for dinner. Obviously she didn't give a toss either way.

Anyway, after a night's sleep, things seemed brighter- our apartment was clean, bright, well furnished and overlooked the gardens and main bui
lding. It was in the "Basilia" block, and had a large balcony perfect for sitting outside and admiring the views. We went for our first breakfast- there was plenty of food at the buffet, mostly the standard German spicy sausage fare though, but we helped ourselves to rolls and croissants and the incredibly smarmy, overly tactile greaseballs that were the waiters were always on hand (pun intended) to offer more lukewarm tea or coffee. I didn't mind that the food wasn't great, I loved our apartment, I loved the wildlife, loads of birds, butterflies, stray dogs etc... and the flowers and trees were beautiful. There was a lovely walk down to the beach through the sand-dunes (a misleading term as they were mostly overgrown with grass) and the beach itself was breathtaking. Clear water, the sweeping mountains of Albania, and behind, the green Pantokrator mountains. The views were stunning.

So the first few days passed along sleepily and pleasantly- I was happy exploring the village and walking along the beach and taking advantage of cheap cigarettes, and my boyfriend enjoyed lazing by the pool, drinking too many cocktails and pigging out at the dinner buffet. And here we come to the unpleasant twist in the tail. As I said, I didn't mind the food not being up to much, even though it was reputedly the best hotel on the island, food wasn't top of my priorities, so long as it was edible and healthy I didn't mind. On our fourth day, my boyfriend complained of stomach ache and after our evening meal at the restaurant he staggered back to the apartment and was violently sick. He was sick all night- vomit and diarrhea everywhere, and what had been a wonderful holiday thus far, rapidly turned into a nightmare. After 24 hours of non stop sickness, I called for a doctor. Enter the tall, tanned, green-eyed Adonis who unfortunately *was* just a pretty face. He shrugged and said gastroenteritis was common, he was vague as to the whys- "the ai
r... the water" he gestured casually. He prescribed a cocktail of antibiotics and other drugs and stated firmly, "in 2 days, he be perfect, I swear this." Two days went by with no improvement, Mark couldn't even hold down a glass of water and there was mess everywhere. At the end of my tether, I called the doctor again and I said he must have food poisoning. Now this is the rather sinister part of the story- the good doctor would not hear of this, he again told me that Gelina was the best, most famous hotel on Corfu and this just simply was impossible sacrilege! Then again, charging 200 Euros for each "treatment" (and I saw him at the hotel almost every day) he would hardly condemn a hotel that was his livelihood, would he? Anyway, he said that he had never had to send a case of gastroenteritis to the hospital before (believe that and you'll swallow anything) but Mark needed fluids as he was severely dehydrated. The doctor promised that after one night he would be fine. Where in God's name did this twit study medicine?

To cut a long, painful story short, we ended up staying in the fleapit that is Corfu Town's "hospital" for 5 nights. I will never forget my stay in that dump, the terrible doctors who treated tourists like unfeeling sacks of potatoes... the mosquitoes everywhere, the yelling and screams, the incessant loud music played by the... everso sensitive nurses. Perhaps the high of finally leaving this dump explains why from that point on, I saw the island through rose-tinted specs. It really is a beautiful place, and the fact that I want to return even after what we went through, even after meeting some of the most insensitive, arrogant, offhand people I have ever encountered, I want to have more time to explore it and enjoy its spectacular scenery.

Anyway, for the few days we had left, although we were booked for half-board, we self-catered... I wasn't taking any chances. On our last mo
rning before the coach arrived, we went into the restaurant for a roll and a drink and the ever present, ever obsequious manager made a beeline for us, demanding to know why we hadn't been in the restaurant for so long. I told him bluntly that Mark had got food poisoning and asked if the rolls were safe- and I have never seen someone make such a hasty escape.

By the way, we travelled with "Libra" Holidays- if you're thinking of booking a holiday with them, don't. Our flight was at midday, but the coach pick-up was 7.20am- they were too miserable to lay on another coach and instead crammed the 10.30am Manchester flight passengers and the midday Belfast passengers onto the same pick-up. And the travel reps for Libra were even more painfully thick than the average plonkers.

So, to round this all up- if you are thinking of visiting Acharavi or any part of the north of Corfu, I would advise you to choose your accommodation very carefully. Do not believe the hype you are fed about five star hotels. The Gelina Village Hotel is set in beautiful surroundings, its gardens are stunning and it is close to a breathtaking beach- but, and it's a big but, if the food prepared at this hotel's restaurant is going to result in a 5-6 day stay at the hospital, is it worth it? I would return to Gelina so long as I could go on a room only basis and with an operator other than Libra. If I can filter out the offhand receptionists, pervy waiters, arrogant doctors, dimwitted tour reps and poisonous food, it would leave me free to enjoy what is an undeniable paradise of an island.

Bon Voyage!

Summary: