Naked in the lift - Hot in the Sack (Posthouse Hotels in general)

Name: plipplop

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Product:	Posthouse Hotels in general
Date:	07/07/01 (327 review reads)
Rating:

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My luck with hotels is rather limited, to say the least. I have stayed in a considerable number of hotels over recent years, as my current role involves quite a bit of travelling around. This week’s location was London, so I was rather spoilt for choice – except I wasn’t, because it’s the middle of Summer and I only phoned up two days before I was due to go. In the end I opted for the hotel which was part of a multiple chain, and a booking into the Posthouse Premier in Bloomsbury was quickly confirmed.

Upon arrival I was rather concerned to find that the hotel was situated directly opposite a low level block of council flats – the contrast between the shiny hotel entrance lobby and the pair of old knickers hanging over a balcony was somewhat shocking so I quickly made my way into the hotel. The reception area was wonderfully cool and relaxing following my trudge through the sun-scorched streets from the tube station. I was greeted by a friendly, well-presented receptionist who quickly checked me in and I was beginning to think that I had made a good decision.

Alas, upon arrival in my room I realised how wrong I was. The room itself was rather small, with the bed occupying 70% of the floor space, and a poky little bathroom that had just about enough room for the shower and the toilet. The room was stiflingly hot because there was no air-conditioning, and to my horror the windows would only open about one inch. To make matters worse, my room was on the second floor and looked straight out onto a flat roof – which appeared to house air –conditioning units (presumably for the lobby and conference rooms). I was therefore duly irritated by the noise that these units were making, as well as being teased about the cool air that they were making from which I was receiving no benefit.

I decided to jump straight into the shower, in order to cool off and freshen up. I turned on the shower which was probably o
ne of the most powerful showers I have ever used – on full power one had to be careful that the jet of water didn’t blast one’s nipples off. Controlling the temperature appeared to be a relatively simple exercise, except I think I had been given a joke shower. As fast as I turned the dial towards the red end, the temperature would increase for a split second and then go cold again. This game quickly grew tiresome, and I soon got out and got dressed.

Other facilities in the room were nothing more than average. There was a Nokia television with various interactive menus (you could view your bill, get weather reports etc), a mini-bar stocked with over-priced cans of Coke (£1.50) and tubes of crisps (£2.95), a telephone, a hair dryer and a trouser press. Although the room appeared relatively clean at face value, I happened to drop something under the bed and was horrified to find what appeared to be four years of accumulated moon dust. There were a number of other objects lurking in the depths which provided clear evidence that the cleaners obviously didn’t know how to run a vacuum under the bed.

My colleagues finally arrived at the hotel, so we decided to venture down into the hotel restaurant for some food. The restaurant was clean, bright and modern and we were quickly shown to a table. The table staff were polite enough, but there manners were somewhat limited by their lack of understanding of the English language. It took me seven attempts to order another Coca Cola and we all but had to tell the waiter to get lost in order to give us time to make our selections. The lack of table guests meant that there were about eight waiters and waitresses hovering around, and as fast as we put our knives and forks down the plates were whipped away at light speed. The food was not bad – nothing extraordinary – but two courses and wine for the three of us came to just short of £100 which I thought was expensive for what we go
t.

A speciality of the Posthouse hotel was to add service charges to all the bills in the hope that you wouldn’t notice. Whilst the service charge is itemised separately on the bill you have to ask to have it removed which I thought was totally unacceptable. Furthermore, if the bill is settled with cheque or credit card it seems highly unlikely that any of that money will actually make it back to the service people concerned. We made sure we had the service charges removed, and left cash tips if we thought they were appropriate (Clue – we never did).

After our meal, we decided to drink in the bar, as the temperature was cool and there were plenty of comfortable seats. Drinks were as expensive as you would imagine – the £1.65 charge for Coke made room service look positively cheap. As the bar filled up with people, the same thing happened with cigarette smoke, and when I got chatted up at the bar by a 52 year old American tourist called Thelma I knew it was time for bed – but the day hadn’t quite yielded all its surprises yet…

Wandering round into reception I pressed the button for a lift and waited a few short moments before there was a ding and the doors of the lift opened in front of me. You will appreciate my surprise when I noticed that the lift contained two completely naked women, desperately trying to cover their bits with their hands. They apologised profusely, as though they had absolutely no idea how they had got there and how their clothes had fallen off, but I just smiled sweetly got in the lift and went up to my room with a quick “Goodnight ladies!” as I stepped out.

Still reeling from the shock of the impromptu strip show I was more concerned to find that my room key wouldn’t allow me to get back into my room. Reception quickly sorted me out with a new one, but when I got back into my room I immediately knew that someone else had been in there. A gift set containi
ng a shirt and some toiletries that was on the bed when I got there had all of a sudden disappeared. The previous guest had obviously left it behind and the hotel staff must have come up to collect it for him. I was rather perturbed that they could have taken some of my stuff as well, but realising that I couldn’t prove anything I just got into bed.

Breakfast in the morning was popular with most tables in the restaurant occupied. I secured a corporate rate for bed and breakfast but I would never have paid £13.95 (the cost to normal guests). There was a large cold buffet, as well as a good hot breakfast buffet but the quality of the food was not great. I ate far too much (well, I wanted my money’s worth) and rolled back to my room to collect my bags and check out.

I paid £109 bed and breakfast for my night’s entertainment but the room rates normally start around the £150 price mark and go up as high as £250 according to when you stay and what room you have. Given the appalling standard of the room, and the mediocre food I will certainly not be staying here again. I had associated the Posthouse brand with quality but I saw little evidence of this.

Best left to the American tourists…

Summary: