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The worst hotel in the world
Toby Carvery (Langley)
Member Name: gollygumdrops
Toby Carvery (Langley)
Date: 01/04/01, updated on 24/05/01 (9107 review reads)
Advantages: Close to Motorway and Heathrow
Disadvantages: It's just beastly!
There are probably worse hotels in the world. In countries with no indoor plumbing, and where the risk of kidnap and typhoid are high you can probably find a worse place to stay than the Toby Inn at Langley, but for a UK experience you'd find it hard to beat this particular hellhole.
There is some good news! The Toby Inn is easy to find, just off the M4/M25, and therefore easy to leave. I had to stay here for a number of one and two night stints over an extended period as I was working in the area. Every time I arrived I drove slowly past the local Marriott, my eyes filled with tears and my bottom lip trembled, knowing that I faced doom.
I had no choice, the project had a budget, and the budget said cheap. There were cheaper places available, mostly B&Bs and eventually we managed to switch to them, here's why:
The Toby Inn is a pub/'restaurant' with an accommodation block bolted on. This is painfully clear when you arrive as you are directed to hotel check in only to find an empty desk. Every time I arrived I walked through to the bar, and asked to check in.
The shortest wait between request and check in was fifteen minutes. The longest was forty five, which included me using my mobile phone to call reception in order to get someone out of an office to check me in. They were a little taken aback to be asked to turn around and check in the person they'd been ignoring for the last half hour!
They only take prepayment by cash or credit card. They will not invoice to a company account.
The rooms are average, on the small side with a TV and coffee making goodies. The heating is switched to full, whether it's January or July, and opening the windows to cool down isn't a great option as the M4 is a fairly noisy road, and the hotel is in the Heathrow stacking pattern path.
On one occasion the shower didn't work, on another the door was hanging from only one hinge (
9;don't worry, it's not heavy, just lift and pull').
The food is outstandingly bad. The Carvery offers overdone food with a school flavour, and it has usually sat around on hotplates for an unhealthy length of time. The bar food is grease and excess seasoning to cover the grease, served with vegetables that you can eat without your dentures. Room service involves ordering and waiting at the bar then carrying your meal to your room!
The hotel does not allow guests to order in food from other establishments. Langley is hardly blessed with a range of world class cuisine and I wanted to get as much work done as quickly as possible in order to limit my return visits, so I didn't fancy eating out. This lead to a covert collaboration with Dominoes Pizza who would deliver to me in the car park, leaving me to sneak edible food into the Toby by whatever means necessary. Fortunately as reception wasn't manned this wasn't too tough.
Breakfast was available, but again not on room service. Fortunately a continental breakfast is pretty hard to get wrong if you just have fruit and Kelloggs variety cereals. Toby Inns did try and make the experience as unpleasant as possible by not having any staff available to serve tea or coffee, and making those who did appear behave so rudely that it was a joy to leave in the morning.
A fellow guest who nipped into the breakfast area, clearly running late, gave his room number to a numskull, grabbed a banana and a croissant without sitting down, and turned to leave. The numskull accused him of stealing food, and refused to let him leave until he'd eaten his snacks or put them back!
I'm not going to recommend this hotel to anyone, but if your in laws have an early flight from Heathrow, you may just want to treat them to a night here to start their holiday off right.
399 London Rd, Langley, SLOUGH, SL3 8PS