Dooyoo Screw? (Andrex Toilet Tissue)

Member Name: cabletow

Product:	Andrex Toilet Tissue
Date:	07/02/02 (464 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Soft , Long, And strong

Disadvantages: No really this is seroius

There are four things in life that are important. The first of which is where and when is your next liquorice hit coming from, the second is how long is it till the next tea break, the third is whether you see a glass as half full or half empty and the fourth is whether you are a folder or a screwer. This fourth commandment serves to separate those of us who are anally retentive from those of us who are truly creative. The fundamental unit of measure for this test is 4 sheets of Andrex double ply toilet tissue. Or more accurately the bog roll that the cute puppy advertises on the telly by toying with the young lad who has just had a dump.

Apparently there are two schools of thought when it comes to the wiping and cleaning of the derriere after having had one's due. Folders neatly take their ration and fold it into 4 and wipe. Those who are really obsessive then fold the paper over and wipe again till the smear is no more. The screwers grab a bunch of toilet tissue and scrub away till the ring of confidence has returned.

Both techniques say a lot about ones character and are often used as joke personality tests to separate the men from the boys. (Although I am sure I have never lost a job on the strength of my toilet tissue habit)

Before rating Andrex toilet tissue I need to point out what makes a good wipe and what does not. Firstly, toilet tissue must be strong. It does one no good to push one's fingers through the paper at the wrong moment. Pooh under the fingernails is a bad thing. Secondly, it must be soft. Many hours of embarrassment follow the use of any tissue that is like sand paper. Itching one's bottom in public is a bad thing. Thirdly, the tissue must last a long time. This means it must run out rarely. To do a number two and want to use four sheets and finding there are only two on the roll is a bad thing. Fourthly the roll must fit your dispenser. Like every thing in life, size is important and if it is too big it
just won't go in. This is a bad thing too.

Andrex is strong, soft, long and fits. An ideal combination that means it is one of the best tissues on the market place. It satisfies all cabletow's criteria for the ideal toilet tissue. At a cost of about 40 pence a roll it will keep your ring clean and dry for a number of days. Andrex is purchasable in a variety of colours and shades. It is marketed with tasteful names to describe these colours and has become Britain's best selling paper. You can buy it in packages of two, for the sad singles, four for the trendy couple and bumper family packs of twelve or twenty four, hey all marketing demographics are catered for. It even has a snob model, the quilted sheet. These have embossed patterns so that anyone inspecting your sewerage can see you are a person of class and obviously known as a person who holds candlelit supper parties for very important guests. You can get herbal sheets that are soaked in Aloe Vera for those who need a herbal remedy at their end. I am sure there are other accessories that are useful too, but I cannot be bothered to find out any more.

The packaging is quaint and that cute Labrador puppy means no one need be embarrassed at having to but a pack and, and therefore admitting to the world that one uses the stuff to wipe.

Now I am sure that no one needs to know how to use tissue. But I can give you a health warning. Be very careful not to sand your bottom. Do not wipe too much as this will remove your anal protective layers of skin. This allows microscopic areas of infection that can irritate leading to itching and scratching. Your bottom will become red raw and ooze fluid leading to odour, discomfort and underwear staining. This would not look good at your next social function especially if the highlight of the party is the ceremonial removal of your underwear. Three wipes should do it. Remember that women should wipe from front to back to avoid making unpleasan
t deposits in places that should be reserved for more pleasurable deposits.

So I want to know, do you screw? Or are you a folder? Yes this is an issue that should concern you all and I would like to be the first to stand up and be counted, I screw, how about you?

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