Marshmallow For Your Poop (Charmin Toilet Tissue)

Member Name: sayaad

Product:	Charmin Toilet Tissue
Date:	28/01/04 (956 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Ultra - comforting and smooth

Disadvantages: You should always use toilet paper!

We all spend a lot of time in the bathroom. Some of us, spend more time in the bathroom than others. I for one have significant bowel movements at least four or five times a day. On occasion, I also have violent diarrhea. Other times, I sit and sit and sit and nothing comes out. I wonder why, but the answer, like my poop, does not come.

However, regardless of your needs, whether you are spending a penny or laying a pound, you need something soft and reassuring behind you. Thus, the all important decision on what to stock in the most special room in the home.

My favourite toilet paper is Charmin. However, there are several different brands of Charmin. I shall go through the various ones that I like and provide you with my quick analysis of each one and the situation where I feel it is most appropriate.

1. Charmin Ultra
500 sheets
2 Ply
White Color
Cost: £ 1.00

This is my absolute favourite! As my buttocks clench tight and then slowly release my poop, I look forward to cleansing myself with this heavenly product. It feels like using a soft, billowy cloud, a goose feather pillow, a large, mushy marshmallow on my bottom. So comforting, so smooth and also so absorbent. It is pure ecstasy captured in a double ply tissue. This is the height of human engineering and I cannot imagine life without it.

It has very high structural integrity and does not tear. It is quite resilient even to the hardest and most forceful of wipes. When you are having a serious bout with violent diarrhea and need to get some cleaning action pronto – this is the one to use. You can be hard and really thorough and not worry about causing irritation to your bum.

When I have too many beans or have eaten too much Mexican food and my bowels act up and I am running for the toilet, I reach for a couple of extra rolls of this to ensure a clean finish. In these instances, my poop keeps flowing –

like Heinz tomato sauce pouring out of a bottle – and I need a toilet paper that can provide maximum coverage. Only Charmin Ultra can give me absorption that my body needs at this critical time. It picks up the poop around my rim with ease and leaves my skin soft and smooth and so very clean.

I have even used a mirror to check how clean I am afterwards and I cannot see a single spot of poop. Yes, I am very thorough in my wiping, but I also think it is because of this wonderful product that I can be so virgin pure and clean after my violent eruptions on the toilet.

The one negative is that if you use too much of this particular paper, it can clog up your pipes. Other than that, this is my first choice for every situation, particularly ones that require a thorough, hard cleaning after a large poop.


2. Charmin Plus
350 Sheets
1 Ply
White Color
Cost: £ 1.50

This version of Charmin contains Aloe and Vitamin E for extra soothing relief. When you rub it against your bum, you will feel a cool, slick sensation. It cleans well, but does not absorb as well as non-lotion type toilet paper. The main benefit is that it can soothe a bum that is sore from hemorrhoids or that is sensitive from a lot of pooping. I would recommend this to people who need extra comfort, but do not need a lot of absorption. Also, Charmin Plus can make your bum feel a little “wet” so if you need to feel completely clean and dry, this may not be the one for you.

I would not use this after my violent eruptions, but at times when I have a more liquidy flow and it isn't too excessive or when I want to pamper my bum and let it know that I truly love it, I will use this paper. It is a nice change of pace from the ordinary.


3. Regular Charmin
100 Sheets
1Ply
White Color
Cost: £ 0.50

It is easy to use and fairly soft, but a little coarse (particularly in comparison to
2 Ply) to
the bum. The structural integrity is weaker than Ultra or Plus versions of Charmin. It is also cheaper so for those who are cost conscious, this is a decent brand to choose.

I like to use this brand when I am feeling extra manly and want to prove my masculinity. I will go into the bathroom with a roll of this regular Charmin, take a nice little poop and then fearlessly rip off a few sheets and vigorously cleanse myself. It is a rough ride, but invigorating and manly. However, if you need extra sensitivity, this is not the one for you.

Overall, one should go for Charmin Ultra. Your bum will thank you, your family’s bums will thank you and your guests’ bums will thank you. Toilet paper is not something that you should skimp on. You should always go for the best for your body. Only go for the Regular Charmin when you want a little rough, manly action.

Thank you for reading my review.

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