Clean up your pole! (Pledge Clean and Dust)

Member Name: KingHerrod

Product:	Pledge Clean and Dust
Date:	28/11/01 (311 review reads)
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I am a new giraffe. No, I have not had a new body fitted with super duper powers; I am a "new" giraffe. Just in case you think MrKing has turned into a giraffe I have to inform you, that yes this is a giraffe writing this, Geoffrey the mohican giraffe. (Some people put mad in that somewhere, but I am not mad, I am nice, I just get annoyed and scalp people sometimes.)

So why am I a "new" giraffe, well let me tell you a story about hidey holes, dust that went up my nose and the unrequited love of my life Luscious Linda the female giraffe.

I was having my breakfast one morning last week, (pop tarts of a chocolate flavour) when MrKing said, "so where will you take Linda if you manage to bring her home?" I pondered this for some time and said "my hidey hole!" "Ahh now Geoffers my deluded little giraffe chap, your hidey hole is disgusting it has not been cleaned ever!" said MrKing with one of his I am a parent person in this role and you are the child expression. I fixed MrKing's hair with one of my stares, how did he know where my hidey hole was? The naughty man had been spying, (I hope he has not found the Christmas presents that I have purchased for him and the lovely Lorraine.) Well he had a point, how could I ever show Linda my pole if my hidey hole was filthy. Mr King gave me a cloth called a duster, but not like a knuckle duster which you can hit people with, a duster duster a floppy yellow cloth that apparently loves clearing up dust. I remember seeing a cleaning lady on TV once, and so I got a tea towel and wrapped that round my head, and found my pinny and put that on. Then came the magic. MrKing gave me a can of Pledge, clean and dust, I thought it should be called dust and clean, cos apparently you dust and then the thing you dust is clean, you don't clean and then the thing you clean is more dusty!

Equipped to clean up my mess, I embarked on my cleaning journey.
What you do with Pledge is spray it on the dusty area and then wipe off with your duster. But you must spray with the can at a little vertical angle and a little way away from the thing you want cleaned and not horizontal, if you spray with the can horizontal you just get a blob of white stuff!

When you spray the Pledge, it makes a sound like it wants to tell you a secret, it goes pssst. I wondered what it had to tell me and put the can near my ear and pressed the spray button. It didn't tell me anything but it did make my ear all wet and smelling of lemons. Lemons are a yellow fruit that smell nice, but on your ear it makes you smell like a tart's boudoir. I looked for the can's hair, I got my axe, but in case you did not know a can has no hair so if it annoys you, you cannot scalp it!

Having recovered from my wet ear, I sprayed my hidey hole with Pledge and dusted, I cleaned my table with my totem pole on it, I cleaned my totem pole, paying special attention to the carving of a number 10 Tottenham shirt, I cleaned lots of things, but not my chair because that is not wood or plastic or glass or fake wood, it is a nice comfy material with paddy bits underneath. That is paddy as in its pads your bum, rather than stuffed with Irish people.

["Oi Geoffrey stop that, that is rude and racist and you should not say those things! What do they teach you in school these days?"]

Now this Pledge is cool, it has anti-static agents that help lift the dust onto the duster and make sure there is no dust left on the area you want there to be no dust on. This claim is true, my hidey hole had no dust in it when I had finished and that was what I wanted, I think anti-static agents are great but not if you are a static.

You have to be careful with Pledge, it says it cleans all sealed wood (so no cleaning wood that does not have a seal living on it!), so as my hidey hole has a wooden floor, I sprayed it and c
leaned it and whoops all fall down Geoffrey. Pledge makes things slippy and sliddy and so don't dust your wooden floors using Pledge. This gave me a cool idea though, I invited Bradley the permanently sad looking basset hound into my hidey hole for afternoon tea, I was careful with my hooves, but Bradley did not know I pledged and he fell over and it was funny. But I still gave him a cup of tea and a biscuit, because I like Bradley really.

My hidey hole was all clean, I had dusted with the Pledge my TV, my radio, my telephone, my table and the box where I keep my motorbike magazines, they were all squeaky clean, which was strange cos my floor was all slippy after I had used Pledge. My hole smelled all clean and lemon like and there was no dust in the air or musty smell in my hidey hole. I think it was most pleasant.

Pledge has a phone number, it is 0800 353 353, I called it and said "Hello, I am a giraffe and I want to know if I can use Pledge on my pole?". The lady was very polite and said "Well, we don't often get giraffes wanting to dust their pole, what is the pole made of?" I told her it was wood and it had carvings in it and that it had been sealed with secret Indian pole sealing wax. The nice lady told me I could use Pledge on my pole, which was a good job as I already had. I think this is a nice idea, next time I use Pledge on something, like the big leather armchair I would like, I will phone up the Pledge lady and ask her advice. It was nice that the lady wasn't nasty to me because of my giraffe status like some people are.

What is also good with Pledge is that it respects my environment, some aerosols (apparently that is what propels the Pledge out of its can) are very bad for the environment and release very nasty gasses called CFCs (like Bradley does from his bum sometimes, but I don't know if they are called CFCs) but Pledge is an air propelled aerosol, which is good for my hole
environment. As an animal I like this, some things humans do to my cousin's homeland is horrible.

All that was left to do was to call Linda and see if she wanted to come round to see my pole. I used my nice clean telephone that no longer blew dust up my nose and made me sneeze when I picked it up and called her. But she told me that she had a date with a rather cute Seal by the name of Simon. I blew a strawberry at her and told her that all Simon did was sit on wood, so there and that I had a very big and decorative pole to show her that was now clean and wonderful and smelt of Lemons, then I cried.

I am going to clean my hidey hole more often now, it is fun to share wet secrets with Pledge (although not good for little ears), it makes things smell nice and cleans dust away and stops it coming back so quickly as your furniture is coated with anti-static stuff that repels the nasty dust stuff. I also have to tell you that my table looked great and had no smears on it after its cleaning, which apparently is important as some other dusting stuff leaves smears on your pole which would really take away the artistic effect.

That is my cleaning story, I like Pledge it gets rid of dust, it smells nice, does not leave smears and can be used on lots of furniture, if you are worried you can telephone the nice Pledge lady like I did. The recommended retail price of a can of Pledge clean and dust is £1.25 and it lasts a long time. I cleaned my hidey hole with MrKing's can and he dusts once every two weeks or so, the living room, the bedroom and the office room and the can lasts for about 3 months. Linda does not know what she is missing, as I am a "new" giraffe that does the cleaning.

MrKing told me to tell you that it comes in other smells as well!

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