BBW seeks BHM with GSOH for LTR! (datingbbw.co.uk)

Member Name: steffiw_dooyoo

Product:	datingbbw.co.uk
Date:	12/11/06 (504 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Acceptance, good value, good features

Disadvantages: IM system

When I found myself newly divorced in my late thirties I was overcome by loneliness and panic. I’m not a skinny girl, and in this size-obsessed world being plus-sized seems to make you invisible to most of the opposite sex. And I lost a lot of my friends, and all of my social life, in the divorce. How would I ever meet other people? Would I be able to go out again? Was I destined to spend the rest of my life alone?

The ideal solution seemed to be internet dating. I found two of the largest internet dating agencies, set up a profile, uploaded a picture, paid for a month’s membership and waited for the offers to roll in…and waited, and waited!

After the first week or so the only interest I had was from men in the States, so I decided to be proactive and started to search men’s profiles looking for someone reasonably local I might like to get to know. In almost all of those profiles, the men’s “what are you looking for” section stated… “slim attractive woman”. At the end of the search I was in tears and my self-confidence had reached an all time low. It seemed these days “attractive” was always coupled with “slim”. I stopped looking and resigned myself to being alone.

About a week later I received a message from a local man asking me out on a date and after exchanging a few emails I arranged to meet him (in daylight, in a public place, in accordance with rules of netiquette!) The man, who was not particularly attractive I have to say, walked up to me at the meeting place, looked me up and down and said, “You should have said you were fat and I wouldn’t have wasted my time,” before walking away without a backward glance. Of course I was devastated!

It was at this incredibly low point in my life that a friend told me about www.datingbbw.co.uk. BBW stands for “big beautiful woman” and datingbbw is a niche dating agency catering for plus-sized women and their admirers. It is also UK-based and only has members in the UK, so you won’t be deluged with messages from people in the States, or even Yemen or Nigeria! You have to be a size 16 or over to join. At first I was sceptical, given my previous experiences with dating agencies, but it was free to set up a profile and upload a picture so I thought, what the heck.

As a non-subscribed member, you can upload a full profile, complete with pictures, and you can send and receive a choice of half a dozen pre-written “special messages”, which act as indicators of interest. The great thing about this is that you can see if someone is interested in you, and if you would be interested in them, without ever paying a penny. If you do find your messages match you can join up immediately to speak to someone, and membership costs as little as £2.99.

On my first day, my profile received hundreds of hits and I received dozens of special messages from men who wanted to talk to me. I was stunned by the difference between this site and the mainstream sites. Here, being a larger woman wasn’t a hindrance or a reason to be ashamed and embarrassed. The men I talked to told me how refreshing it was not to have to hide their preference for fuller figured women, or to trawl through hundreds of profiles of thinner women who did not attract them.

The site is professional looking and streamlined, loads quickly and is intuitive and easy to use. Links are obvious and there are a number of features not available on other sites. Once you become a full member you are able to send unlimited private messages to other full members, and exchange email details.

One fun and interesting feature that I have not seen on any other site is psychometric testing. You are able to fill in a series of questionnaires that allow potential dates to learn more about you and your attitudes and see if you might be compatible…more scientific than romantic maybe, but anything that helps in the quest for true love has to be a good thing! I’ve filled in questionnaires called “Who am I?”, “What is my self esteem level?”, “My Sexual Attitudes Inventory”, and “How sensual am I?” The results were interesting, both to myself, and I think, to potential dates. The results of these tests become a part of my public profile.

Another excellent feature I’ve not seen elsewhere is the option to apply for a free 0844 telephone number. 0844 is a fixed rate virtual telephone number. It redirects automatically to your home phone number, which means you need never give your actual home number to anyone. This provides protection and a sense of safety. I think it’s a brilliant idea, and even better, the website bears the cost of setting up the number for you.

The site has a good chat room where you are able to meet and socialise with other members. On busy nights it has the atmosphere of a local bar, with lots of people having a laugh and getting to know one another in a social sense. We even organised quiz nights and debates, which was great fun on those many nights where I had no babysitter and would otherwise have spent the evening alone watching television.

One of the wonderful unexpected side effects of using the chat room, I found, was that I met several like-minded women who have become dear and cherished friends. Being able to meet other women in the same situation as me has helped me to feel less alone and forge friendships that will last a lifetime. I’ve met women friends as well as potential male dates.

There is also an Instant Messenger feature, although I found this to be the least useful part of the site. Yes, it allows you to have an almost real-time conversation with other users, but it has flaws. It is somewhat slow and clunky and you aren’t able to click on a person’s profile whilst in an IM conversation, so you can’t take a look at the person who is talking to you. I understand that the site’s owners are in the process of having a new IM programme specially written with such features included, and a webcam chat feature, as a response to members’ suggestions. I think this shows that the company is proactive and forward thinking, and responsive to members’ needs too, which is great.

The site has an agony aunt section where you can ask questions and get advice about all sorts of problems around dating and size issues. There is even a horoscope section, and I understand shopping sections and other new features are being planned and due to come online shortly.

As well as being able to browse members who are currently on line, you are also able to search for possible matches on a wide range of criteria, from geographical location to body type, appearance, status and interests, so you have as much chance as possible of finding someone compatible. And in the event of meeting someone who bothers you or you don’t wish to talk to, there is a block feature that allows you to stop people contacting you.

The cost of membership is competitive and unlike other sites, you don’t have to spend a King’s ransom on a six month membership if you don’t want to. There is a 24 hour trial membership at £2.99, or you can join for a week for £6.99 or a month for £12.99. If you join for six months, at £59.99, you are automatically given a further six months free, unlike other agencies where they only give you a free six months if you are a loser and don’t find love! I think that’s a nice touch and much easier on the ego.

Administration on the site is very friendly and efficient, with changes to profiles and uploaded pictures being approved very quickly. I like the fact that almost any payment option is accepted, from major credit and debit cards, to Electron and Solo, and even cheque and postal order. So many agencies only accept credit card payments, and let’s face it, when a very handsome man has just sent you a message, you don’t want to have to wait to read it!

So, I suppose what everyone really wants to know is, has this site worked for me? Well, I was a member for two years, and during that time I met some brilliant people, rebuilt my social life and self esteem, had some great fun dates, and made friendships that will last a lifetime. That in itself is a huge success. But did I meet the man of my dreams, you ask? Well yes, I did. I met the most wonderful man in the world and we have forged a relationship more satisfying than I could ever have imagined. I’d recommend it to anyone in my position. And to any woman who doesn’t fit the skinny norm, or man who is attracted to curvier women, I would say, give this a go, it’s so nice to be accepted for who you are and not to be judged. That in itself is worth taking the time to try it out.

Summary: Excellent dating agency for plus sized women and their admirers