Best Lies for Your CV (dilbert.com)

Member Name: Plumptious

Product:	dilbert.com
Date:	25/03/01 (739 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Meet fellow sufferers.

Disadvantages: Another web site where you may inexplicably lose more time.

"Perflect Typping scills"
"Great attention to detlais"


It's the joy of reading the unexpected faux pas that brightens up a dull day or tedious task. Followers of Dilbert are just the type of people who appreciate this.

If you were sifting through a mound of CVs, desperately hoping to find a half decent addition to your team, then reading such entries leaves you with two options.
To sweep your desk clear of paperwork and start crying in the face of such an impossible task, or to gather strength from the fact that you are not alone and save today's titbit to share with your fellow Dilbertians.


The Dilbert website has a list de jour, and is currently featuring a list of lies to tell on your CV. Visitors may vote for their favourites and even nominate their own suggestions.

I work in IT, and the three below are my favourite IT type nominations from the list.

- MCSE 2000 Certified, (What's a LAN??)
- Programming Languages: Clock, VCR, VCR+
- 25 years of experience in HTML and Java.

If you didn't understand the last one, the joke is in the fact that HTML and Java hadn't been invented 25 years ago.


Other nominations which reflect the contributor's cynical perception of human nature are :

"I used to work for a company that rewaxed floors, including stripping the old wax off. I like to list Professional Stripper on my resume."
Submitted by "Got a lot of interviews"

"Hyphenate your last name, adding a maiden name that just happens to be the same as the CEO's. Odds are you'll be hired without anyone reading any further."
Submitted by "curvybert"


There is also the Lazy Entrepreneur section, where you can catch up with all the things that nice people have come up with to make our lives easier. It includes offerings such as the "Auto Clean Ba
throom". The inventor admitted that it does have an inherent flaw. Should insufficient warning is given at the start of the cleaning process, you run the risk of trapping users, thereby accumulating dead bodies.
Personally, I think that the dead body removal system could be included with the deluxe model.

Visitors are invited to vote for these inventions. As in DooYoo, you have a choice of four options. The options on Dilbert are:

- I Would Pay For This
- It's Brilliant But Useless
- Induhviduals (Idiots) Would Pay For This
- Someone Already Did It


A less ambitious invention is the "Hand-friendly Pringles Can", where the inventor wistfully muses "Wouldn't it be nice if your hand still fit into a Pringles can, like they did when you were a kid? Just make the can a bigger diameter. That's all I ask. "


Once a visitor has reviewed an invention, they have the opportunity to leave comments about them. Two replies to the Pringles Can modification idea read as follows:

~~ Comment One ~~
"It would make for a really big pringles potato chip. Perhaps they could also make a can for Mountain Gorillas. It's a shame they can't enjoy Pringles."


~~ Comment Two ~~
"I can fit my hand in a Pringles tube. Watch...

Oh.

Er... Could somebody help me please? I appear to have a Pringles tube stuck on the end of my arm. "



Nice crowd. I think I like them.


My personal favourite is the "Perpetual Blanket - A blanket that wraps down one side of the bed, under the bed and up the other side of the bed, returning to the top. This way people who have spouses that constantly steal the covers can always have a fresh supply being drawn up from underneath. Also eliminates dust bunnies under the bed. Optional feature: alarm when blanket is pulled to PROVE that spouse steals t
he covers. "

It has proved to be a most emotive subject. A hundred and twenty comments have been left about it, a lot from willing customers of said product.


The site also includes the obligatory cartoon strips and miscellanea, but is worth visiting just for this blanket alone. If you ever wake up in the middle of the night bereft of all body heat, this invention promises to be just the ticket.

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