A dating site with a difference (mysinglefriend.com)

Member Name: tartlette

Product:	mysinglefriend.com
Date:	31/10/08 (241 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Meet lots of new people, boosts confidence

Disadvantages: None at the moment

This review is of a website that I was recently introduced to by a friend. I have now been on the site for a couple of months so thought it was about time for a review about the site and the experiences I've had since being on it.
BACKGROUND:

The former Mr Tart and myself parted company in July last year (his decision I hasten to add!). At first I was very upset and the thought of being with anyone else was not one I wanted to think about. We had been together for 4 and a half years and everyone assumed we'd get married. Looking back I now realise that we weren't that compatible and that I'm really glad he ended it.
I spent the year after the break up learning to survive on my own. We were supposed to be moving to a new place so my plans were changed very quickly. I bought my own place and got a dog to keep me company. After so long in a relationship it was really weird living on my own, but I eventually became comfortable with it.

Over my year of being single I went out and had fun with my friends but didn't meet anyone that I wanted to have a relationship with. Although I didn't miss him, I did miss just having someone to talk to and share things with. I didn't like the idea of meeting people in clubs as I don't drink and they're normally worse for wear so I was limited on my options!
I was on holiday with my friends in July, moaning about still being single after so long, when one of my friends claimed it was no wonder as I was so fussy! Eventually I realised that she had a point. I also think my being single for so long was due to other things such as all my friends and colleagues seemed to be in relationships which meant they wanted to go out less. I'm also quite shy when I first meet people so going out on my own and chatting to people was difficult. My friend then asked if she could put me on mysinglefriend.com (MSF). It wasn't something I'd heard off but, feeling brave, I decided I would give it a go.

THE SITE:
MSF was set up by Sarah Beeny and a friend of hers (yes, the one from Property Ladder). She used to set up friends of hers decided to take this idea onto the Internet. You can either be nominated by a friend or you can put yourself on and the site will ask your friend to write about you. The idea is that you can see singles in your area and you can also see people that they have nominated. There are lots of people on the site who have friends on there as well.

SO IS IT JUST ANOTHER DATING WEBSITE?
Well, yes and no. There is no way I ever would have joined a normal dating website where you put yourself on there. To be honest (and I know this is wrong now) I always thought people on dating websites were a little sad or weird. However, I know realise that dating websites are generally ways for normal, busy people to meet each other. MSF is different as you have to be put on there by someone else, or at the least they have to write your information for the site. This made me feel safer about being on an Internet site.

SIGNING UP:
I didn't sign myself up but I was in the room so I can tell you something about this. The site itself is fairly simply laid out. To add someone or request to be added you click on the links at the top of the page.

Once onto the signup page they lead you through a series of questions about your friend. You have to fill in name (it only shows your first name), profession, number of children, height, build, whether you smoke and drink and the age range and sex of the person you are looking for. You then need to pick ten attributes about your friend from the list they provide. These include things like 'terribly witty', 'laid back', 'possible marriage material', 'pretty sexy' and 'culture vulture'. Your friend then has to type in information about you. I suppose the context of this depends on which friend is writing it, but most write about their friend's likes and dislikes, their personality and the type of person they think their friend should be with. They can also add a picture.
My friends wrote some lovely things about me, I was actually really touched by how lovely they'd been. They wrote about my job, education and hobbies. Once they'd finished I read through it and made any changes I thought appropriate. You'd need to be with your friend at the time to do this as you can't change this bit once it's sent through to you (you can just not join of course, if your friend has written things you don't like). Once they've finished an e-mail gets sent to you saying that your friend has filled in a profile for you and that you can look at it through the link. Nothing goes onto the site until you approve it. You can just say no and there's a link to that as well, but obviously as I already knew what was going on I logged straight on and approved my profile. At this point you can add more about yourself in reply to what your friend says about you. Mine was very short, but some people do write a bit about themselves. You can also add some more pictures of yourself, which I did because I know that I like to look at a few pictures of people before I decided whether I like the look of them.

WHAT NEXT?
As soon as you approve your profile you go live on the site. Your picture takes a little longer to approve as they have to check them (I guess to see that they're not naked or anything like that!). You don't have to pay anything to be live on the site and you can look at everyone else's profile and add people to your favourites. However, to send messages or to read the messages people send you, you do need to pay. The cost is £23.50 for 3 months. It's not that cheap but I guess it depends on whether it's successful or not as to whether you think it's worth it or not! I paid as soon as I got a message from someone as it really annoyed me not being able to read it!

There is a search facility at the top of the page where you can look for people in certain age ranges and areas. This then brings up a list of all the people within that search, with the ones who have been active on the site most recently at the top. You can search for only people who have pictures on the site which I always did.
You can then pick out people and read their full profiles and look at other pictures of them. If you decide you like the look of them you can add them to your favourites. This is very similar to winking on match.com. It is basically telling someone you think they're nice looking/sound like they are fun etc. I went through the people in my area and added a load to my favourites at first (well I wanted a selection!). Your friend can also go onto the site and recommend people that they think will suit you.

You can also send people messages once you are a paid up member. I sent a few messages out at the beginning but got no replies. I was a little put off by this but I did get plenty of messages from people that I hadn't messaged first. I guess I'm a little traditional and I preferred to be contacted by men rather than me contacting them. It is good etiquette on the site to reply even if you're not interested, to tell people that, and I can understand this as not getting a reply leaves you feeling a bit bleak. You get an e-mail from the site whenever anyone adds you to their favourites or sends you a message. I have to say I did have a little thrill of excitement every time I got an e-mail from them! There are a couple of other features on the site. When you log in you can see how many new people have joined in your area for your age criteria. You can also set a mood although I never did this. At the top of your page you can link to your messages, a list of people who've added you to their favourites and a list of who you've added.
There are of course some safety issues whenever you are talking to and meeting people from the Internet. It is a good idea to chat to people through the site's messaging system for a while before you meet anyone. Don't give out any personal information and when you meet someone make sure they only have your mobile number as these can be easily changed. When you do decide to meet people make sure you let someone know where you are. I always told my friend who put me on the site what time I was going and where and it was useful it was her because she had access to the site as well so could see exactly who I supposed to be going with. I always met people in crowded places. I think it's a good idea to meet in the daytime at first - for a coffee - as it just feels safer. The site itself has lots of advice on this which is really good. The site also has advice on the types of things you can put in your messages etc.

MY EXPERIENCE:
At first quite a few people added me to their favourites but this obviously dies down once you've been on the site for a little while. I had quite a few messages as well. There were some messages from people that I didn't really like the look of so a polite refusal was tendered! I had a couple of people who sent me strange messages - one just asked me how I managed to get tickets to watch the rugby internationals, not so much as a hello first!! However, most of the messages I got were from what seemed like nice guys who were quite happy chatting away so that we could get to know each other.

When I met up with the first person from the site I was very nervous, but there was no need really, he was a nice guy and we had a good time. I did see him again but we decided there was nothing romantic there. The second person was nice enough but it was very clear there was no chemistry. The conversation was awkward and stilted and I was quite glad when the date was over! We didn't call or message again which was good as obviously both of us realised that we weren't right for each other - it would have been rubbish if one thought it was great and the other didn't! I was chatting to plenty of other people on the site when I got a message from a guy asking if I'd like to meet up for tea and cake. It was someone I'd added to my favourites right at the beginning so after a couple of messages I decided to meet up with him. That was two months ago and we're still together and very happy. We've done the meeting parents thing and been away together so it's going well!
So MSF worked really well for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that the relationship is still in its early days but there wouldn't be any relationship at all if it hadn't been for the site. The site is honestly mostly filled with normal people of all ages, with normal jobs, who are looking for normal relationships.

The only thing with meeting someone on the Internet is that you do sometimes get strange looks from people when you tell them. I've been honest with most people about where we met but my parents think that we met in a bar (technically true so no lies told!), but they're a little old-fashioned. I think once people meet the person and see that they're not a nutter they accept that that's where you met more easily.
RECOMMENDED?

Well you might have guessed that I would definitely recommend this site. I still don't think I'd join other sites where you have to add yourself but if I find myself single again I shall certainly be asking my friend to put me back on the site! It is such a good way to meet people and even if you don't meet your future husband/wife, it'll boost your confidence and it's always good to get out of the house! I felt better just having messages from people - it made me feel more confident around people when I was just out with my friends. It's also possible that you could meet some good friends on the site, just because you don't want a relationship with the person doesn't mean you can't be friends. So if you have any single friends or want a friend to nominate you go and check the site out!

Summary: Recommended