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      23.03.2010 19:19
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      Web Site - www.samfox.com

      I'm a semi young, impressionable surfer, who has travelled to the deep depths of stardom, or what was once stardom; if you call getting your kit-off, and prancing about in a skimpy leather suit trying to sing seriously a song called 'Touch me.' During those dizzy days before the 'pause button' and proper editing equipment were unleashed on improper content on shows like 'Top Of The Pops.' - My youth was spent shouting obscenities at meshed up VHS video tapes, due to the over-used 'pause button' that seemed to come equipped with electric scrolling lines that awash the TV screen, almost hiding the good parts. Not that seeing Sam Fox swinging on a swing back and forth wearing attire garments for a change amassed to much, especially as I had already seen her money bags on 'Page three.' At the age of sixteen Sam Fox was prize fodder eye candy, usually for the over forties; this is partly due to seeing her full frontal assets on my Grand Dad's armchair, all laid out for a young impressionable lad to view. "Young Sam, 16 years, from Essex," the small text said, apparently, after much deliberating.

      Now, so Sam Fox then. Would you? Probably, after several bangs on the head and a hefty cheque guaranteed, yes maybe. Goodness knows what my physical state would be like, after the encounter. Major bruising and unconsciousness may be on the cards. Ah, looks like I've been saved, as she prefers the fairer sex and dashed many male pensioners' sordid thoughts as she hooked up with her female manager who is equally well endowed, so perhaps the male pensioner's daydreams were not dashed after all. Don't ask me, I've gone by her fan base. One thing for sure, she doesn't look like Patricia Hewitt, who evidently shares the same dreary forlorn pose that my three year old Niece's Grand Mother has on permanent show; gravitational pull has just evidently concentrated on her face. Samantha Fox has no facial lines, but still processes that Essex twang even though she has tried for decades to extinguish her vocal routes and speak more 'polish' sounding.

      Her feline features show on her home-page a pristine glossy and fake Venture photograph that has been overstating with the 'airbrush.' - I can see where David Cameron got his idea of posing in the Tory poster campaign. Not surprisingly, the name 'Samantha Fox' boldly, sticks out in your face, as does her assets. This isn't a shy and retiring site, it has all her achievements published; therefore, the site doesn't have much bandwidth requirements. One notable piece of information that shone at me like a light-house in a storm was her 'Best International Newcomer Award in Italy 1987.' - Plus you can purchase via 'Fox News' tickets for her 'Touch Me Tour.' - Find out what is happening with the 'Touch Me Tour;' I assume not a lot. Another finding on the web site is Samantha Fox wants her fans to know what her diary is like in 2010. When clicking on the active link, nothing happened. I take it nothing is happening to Miss Fox this year; well, there is only 10 months left of 2010, I'll cut her some flack for that.

      A long string of 'JavaScript' text appears from the right, rather quickly. You will have to adjust your eyes as the static jittery text is not 'eye friendly.' The script states claiming Miss Fox requires sponsorship for a parachute jump all in aid for 'Malaria No More' this charity helps get mosquito nets to Africans every year, as mentioned on Sports Relief last week; because so many die every year needlessly. There was also 'good news' as Miss Fox became an Auntie late last year, a big thumb up for that eh! - I've tried clicking on to her 'latest news' and again zilch, except Miss Fox was at the 'Brit Awards,' I must confess I did not see her, she may have been serving some of the tables there instead humming 'Touch Me,' under her breathe. Then again she may off been sitting behind Lady Gaga's mountain feathered head-dress, now these guys surely got their money back who-ever did sit behind her.

      Without doubt the most helpful part of the site; is the showing of the 'date' and 'time' that resides at the centre of the home-page, in a scary 'yellow' 'Times New Roman' font. It is seven minutes slow according to my PC but at least the programmers showed a decent knowledge of 'cut and paste JavaScript;' Which now seems profoundly out-dated, especially the graphic hearts that stings my eyes with vibrant colours and shiver my timbers, there appears a fox in the middle of each of them; that surely is a joke. I'm most definitely not going to take another peek to confirm that statement. For those of you who want painful eyes, the URL is above.

      If, you can't get enough of Samantha Fox, you are in luck. The site does have a Fox Shop, the headline is explanatory. Sadly, you can buy merchandise via the website and it is extortionate price-wise, a picture is between 3.00 GBP and 12.00 GBP and you can download the 'Touch Me' wait for it, 'Remixes' if you could bare it the first time round. Who in their right mind allowed Samantha Fox to play with remix music equipment after the original 'Touch Me,' episode? - It has Dane Bowers written all over it. Naturally this goes out with a health warning, except for those people who've been drip fed Samantha Fox merchandise for a quarter of a century, they've lost the plot moons ago. I'm starting to. -

      The key-rings and magnets in the Fox Shop are Dubai prices, a mammoth 8.00 GBP for a fridge magnet!! - Hells bells, there is a offer on - 'A Basque Poster' originally 5.00 GBP now 4.00 GBP. Now you're talking Sam. There is a link called 'Fox1TV', do not click it. It will take you to a 'YouTube' page headlined 'Fox1TV.' This is not a proper channel it is just a morbidly chronic clip of Samantha Fox on Australian TV singing, yea, you've guessed it 'Touch Me.' - I'm sorry but it is so wrong for a happily married lesbian to sing this tripe. It was questionable twenty three years ago, but Sam is a middle aged women now; I've seen all her nooks and crannies while shamefully channel twitching to 'I'm a celebrity Get Me Outta Here.' - You've got to be thankful she didn't get too Foxy; with De Campo. I suppose you've got to be thankful for small mercies.

      You can subscribe to FOX1TV; - Please note, no help phone numbers are available on the site.

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