Newest Review: ... that a bit like saying - I'll be away all week anyone want to rob me? New friends - and enemies online: I don't get out much anymore due... more
online friends and enemies
Your online social life
Member Name: broxi3781
Your online social life
Advantages: Great way to make new friends and keep in touch with old
Disadvantages: Misunderstandings online are so easy
In my opinion - there are two types of socialising online. The first is keeping in touch with people you know in the real world - through an online medium, be it email, facebook, internet chat programms etc... The second part, which will be the major focus of my review is socialising with strangers online, such as here on dooyoo. There are all sorts of advantages to an online social life - but there are a few pitfalls as well this is my take on them, including some which I feel are especially relevant to this site right now.
Real world friends in an online world:
The internet makes it so much easier to keep in touch with friends and family. I especially like the convenience of email - but wish a few more of my relations would get online. Most of the people in my estate socialise regularly online. If you want to know the local gossip the best place to go is facebook or an online poker forum many of me neighbours use. I have avoided both of these. The poker one of course costs money, and I know people who have actually suffered genuine financial hardship after getting into debt with this site. Not for me, I don't need more bills to pay. I've avoided the facebook bit as well - it has caused more fights and feuds than enough. Everyone seems to just go mad with it here and say things on peoples web pages they would never say in person leading to one fight after another. Perhaps people just get too cranky when sitting up at keyboard for all hours. That said, these sites are a brilliant way to make new friends and keep in touch with old ones, but it is always wise to use a bit of caution. How many people advertise their holidays online? Isn't that a bit like saying - I'll be away all week anyone want to rob me?
New friends - and enemies online:
I don't get out much anymore due to disability. If I am going to struggle to get out and about, it will always be somewhere my children can enjoy. This means I don't get to socialise with adults an awful lot. I also tend to be a bit odd for my circle of friends. I really don't know anyone I could discuss books with, no one I know really reads. I don't know people who do things like home educate, practice attachment parenting, enjoy history and science, or many other interests I have either. The Internet is a great place to connect with people with common interests or issues. Quite awhile back I moderated a site for pregnancy after multiple losses and it was great to be able to connect with others who really understood what you were going through. At the moment I really love dooyoo. Yes I like the extra money for the children - but I also love talking about books, and reading about so many interesting things. I like exchanging the odd message with the lovely people here and I enjoy the fun and friendly nature of this site.
However, there are downsides to communicating online. People can not see the other persons facial expression. It's hard to know sometimes if someone is just joking about , or if you have hurt someone else's feelings. I know I have caused hurt feelings here before and I deeply regretted it. It was not intentional. I thought I was being helpful, but the other person felt I was being critical. Thankfully she told me and we worked things out. I've tried to be more careful afterwards, but if I had been talking to this person face to face, there never would have been a misunderstanding. As soon as I saw a look of hurt I'd have backed off very quickly and tried to reassure the other party. It is easy online to forget that we are dealing with a real person - who has feelings just as we do. I must ask anyone reading this, please do not say things to or about members here that you would not say to them in person.
I know sometimes on dooyoo, those of us who really feel a part of this site take offense at what we see as cheaters. In all honesty, I have not bothered to be polite to those who cut and paste reviews. They won't be here long anyway, and I don't think I am hurting anyone's feelings - just keeping them from cashing in by cheating. But sometimes you are almost sure the person is cheating - but not 100%. The fellow who has 5 new laptops looks pretty suspicious, but when in doubt, it is best to wait. Even at 10 to 12 laptops I prefer to ask politely why they own so many brand new laptops rather than out and call someone a cheat. Of course I do find it odd that a person could spend 3-4 hours a day on each of 12 laptops. Maybe my maths are lacking but I thought there were only 24 hours in a day. But do keep in mind, if someone is accused of cheating falsely they are apt to be hurt. If in doubt - just message dooyoo quietly on the side.
I would also advise people not to take anything online too seriously. Please see my earlier review on cyber bullying here: http://www.dooyoo.co.uk/discussion/cyber-bullying/ 1510564/
but at the end of the day, it is not worth getting upset about. The worst anyone can do to you is make some nasty comments, or rate your reviews badly. As far as bad rates - I welcome them! A bad rate is better than no rate. If you dislike me, please, please rate every review I have ever written not useful. I get paid for each one :) If people here are having problems with each other the best things to do are :
1. Send a polite message saying your feelings have been hurt and why - perhaps it was an accident.
2. Ignore each other. Don't rate each others reviews, block all messages from the other person.
3. Be especially nice to the other person. Leave kind comments, give good rates and treat them as kindly as possible. Perhaps they are going through something awful we don't know about it. But at any rate, it is hard to be mean to some one who is always kind to you.
4. If abuse continues - contact dooyoo. I do not believe abuse of other members would be tolerated on this site.
Most importantly, whether on dooyoo or elsewhere in cyberspace, please remember there is a real person behind each Internet ID. Please treat each other as you would at a social gathering - kindly. Please keep in mind - we do not know a persons circumstances online. For all you know they may have just suffered a major bereavement, lost a job or be nearing divorce. Please try to allow a bit of leeway online. It's better to mistakenly assume no offense was meant and treat some one rude with kindness then take offense where none was meant and hurt someone else - when in doubt - be nice. Better to acidentally make a friend than an enemy :)
PS - If anyone feels this review is about them specifically - it is not. I've just had a few instances called to my attention lately where there has been some type of misunderstanding. All I really want is people to just be nice to each other and keep this the happy relaxing site that I enjoy so much. I can't take sides - I like everyone. I just don't want there to be sides.
Summary: I'm glad to have so many good friends here at dooyoo - lets keep it friendly for everyone :)