Your friend online... (Your online social life)

Member Name: The Duke

Product:	Your online social life
Date:	12/03/02 (161 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Friends

Disadvantages: Not actually meeting them

I've been online since I started university back in September of 1997. During my first semester at university, a classmate introduced me to the delights of mIRC and online chatrooms.

These were excellent ways to waste a bit of time in between lectures when there was no work to be done. I hadn't actually connected from home at this point - I didn't have the money to afford an ISP (this was before ISPs introduced flat rate calls) and I was getting all the access I needed anyway during the day.

However, I found myself spending more and more time in one specific chatroom (#funchat on the Undernet network for those of you who are interested), and I found it particularly novel the way these people interacted.

I suppose I'd better say that I've always been quite shy. I find it hard to deal with large groups of strangers, and prefer to meet new people in smaller groups of say half a dozen or so. Things like starting new jobs, going to university etc. were all big deals for me as I had to deal with not only a new set of circumstances, but also the stress of meeting new people. I've always been a very private person, and I am always careful about who I trust.

However, I didn't have any trouble in interacting online. I think part of this was the fact that I was able just to enter a chatroom, and watch people for a while before actually saying anything. So, when I actually did get around to saying something, I knew what sort of response I was like to get (or more importantly, what was not likely to happen!)

A few months later, I was now attending on a daily basis for a few hours a day. I was now having private conversations with some members (perhaps four or five out of a regular crowd of thirty), but I simply saw them as people to talk to - acquaintances. I didn't see these people as friends, despite these people trusting me quite a bit with loads of personal information.

Anyway, this continu
ed for quite a long period of time, although things like university, my girlfriend at the time and the summer holidays meant that my online presence was in fits and starts rather than a regular few hours per day. I always made an effort to get online at least once a week though.

By this time (May 1998), I had even given out my email address to one or two of these people who would then contact me, and we'd agree to meet in the IRC (Internet Relay Chat) channel/room to chat.

In all this time, I hadn't strayed out beyond this one room. Maybe I'd hit lucky and all chatrooms were this friendly - I didn't know and I didn't care. I found it interesting to chat to people from all over the world, and to share points of view on various things that were happening at the time. The thing is, you never knew who you were talking to - it could have been a 13 year old school kid, or a 70 year old pensioner - you wouldn't know unless you asked them directly (using the dreaded "asl", which means "age, sex, location" and in my opinion, is simply rude) or until you'd spoken to them for a while and had gained some information.
However, between May 1998 and June 1999, my IRCing was on and off. I still kept in contact with one or two via email, but I rarely went into chat. I returned to IRC a few months later when I returned to university. I still had the same attitudes from before, but my other acquaintances online had moved on.
Those who lived in and around the London area had started meeting up to go to the cinema, and other fun things. A female acquaintance had even met a bloke online and was currently involved with this young gentleman.

What has this got to do with my online social life though? Well, up to this point, I didn't view anyone I'd met online as a friend. This was nothing to do with being embarrassed about having "online friends", or even the so-called "nerd factor"
; involved, it was just my point of view at this time.

What changed this was the facts that a few friends of mine had taken themselves off on round the world trips, and at certain times, with a co-ordinating email, we'd meet up on IRC to chat. We'd talk for ages all about what was going on in our respective parts of the world as if we were sat across a table in a pub from each other.

I realised that this was no different from how I was chatting to my "acquaintances" even though I'd never met them. Despite not giving much away to these people, they were able to piece together bits and pieces about who I was etc. from the many conversations we'd had over the months.

So, I guess I changed my tune after that. I haven't changed that much, and I'm still wary if giving out any old information to anyone I chat to online, but now accept that online relationships of any kind are as acceptable as your face to face ones.

I'm still in contact with most of those people from the early days, and in May 2000, I met up with some of them in London. Being my usual paranoid self though, I'd arranged to visit a friend from school for the weekend, and my plan was to excuse myself for one day and meet up with these people in the heart of London.

Most of them were lovely - there was a wide age difference ranging from 17-year-old school kids to myself, an older mature student with all points in between covered. The majority of them were exactly like they were online: funny, sarcastic, and intelligent. One however, was an absolute bore, and it astounded me how people could be so different from their online personalities.

We spent the entire afternoon and evening having fun, and despite the nervy start by everyone concerned (especially about what to actually do for the afternoon) we soon hit it off, and had a great time. I haven't been back to see them since, but this is due to lack of money on
my part, rather than any other reason.

Shortly afterwards, in August, I joined Dooyoo for some fun. I really didn't think of Dooyoo as a place to meet friends, and rather was a place where I could write for fun. Many months later, around February 2001, I joined The Opinionated Community (OpCom) to ask their advice on a problem I was having with a member at that time. Whilst browsing the threads on offer, I noticed they had a chat room.

My curiosity did get the better of me, and one night, I appeared in the chat room. But still, I didn't know what to expect - my first thought that it was like a real-time OpCom where you could get real time answers to questions about Dooyoo. This was wrong, and it was simply a place for people to meet and have a laugh and a chat. The good thing was though, you already sort of knew the people who were there because you'd read some of their opinions, and so joining in the chat was not as intimidating as I had thought.

I was made to feel very welcome during my first few visits, so much so that I slowly abandoned my Undernet chatroom (although I was still in contact with my #funchat friends via other messaging programmes like ICQ and MSN Messenger). I've been a member for just over a year now and, I reckon I spend at least 5 nights per week visiting the chatroom, even if it's just nipping in to say "hi" while I check my mail, and I most definitely regard these people as my friends.

Shortly after I'd joined, the OpCom members had decided to meet up in Nottingham for some fun (i.e. bucket loads of alcohol), and by all accounts, it was a roaring success. This then prompted the demand for further get-togethers. My problem was still that of a lack of money, but having heard the stories and seen the pictures (those that weren't censored!) I told myself that I'd make it to an OpCom meet as soon as I could afford it.

I missed a few meetings before I had scraped
together enough cash to afford the flight and somewhere to stay, and so, on a cold and wet November day in November 2001, I stepped off the train in Nottingham a few hours before meeting up with around a dozen or so other members for what could only be described as a piss-up.

Again, I had a great time - my initial fears of being too shy to fit in with a crowd who always had something to say were unfounded. Once I'd had a few drinks, I settled in quite nicely, and people didn't even have trouble understanding my "foreign" accent! The subject of whether people were the same online or offline was talked about, and again, it was decided that most people were exactly like their online personalities. Alas, a few people couldn't make it and the final figures were about ten, but that didn't stop me from having an excellent time. Even now, if I hear someone mention "the bin" or "the dodgy sniper" or even "TEQUILA!" I can't help but giggle to myself.

There's another OpCom meet in a few week's time in London, and again, I don't have the time or money to be able to attend, but I'm sure all who do go will have a brilliant time.

Now, I speak to people all over the world on a regular basis via online methods - most of them are people I know from Belfast, but there are some I haven't yet met. I know the chances of me actually meeting all of them are very slim, but I'd like to get around to it at some point.

It's taken me years to build up the confidence and change my attitudes towards online friendships, but I'm glad I got here in the end. I'm still careful about what I say, and my MSN buddy list is kept to a bare minimum, but it's good to be careful, isn't it? I suppose it just goes to show that you don't have to be a technophobe to reject the idea of online interaction. If you think that the community feel around Dooyoo is good, you shou
ld try the chatroom! Come on in, we don't bite (unless asked!)

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Software mentioned in this opinion (most is free or shareware) can be found at:

IRC programs:
=============

mIRC
http://www.mirc.co.uk

dIRC
http://www.dircchat.com/

Microsoft Chat:
http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/search.asp?

Instant messenger programs:
===========================

Microsoft MSN Messenger
http://messenger.msn.co.uk/

ICQ:
http://web.icq.com/

Yahoo! Messenger:
http://messenger.yahoo.com/

Misc:
=====

Trillian:
http://www.trillian.cc/

Settings for the OpCom Chat Room: (for use with an IRC program)
Server: chat.planetz.net
Port: 7000
Room name: #opinionated

Summary: