Meet friends on the internet? Me?? (Your online social life)

Member Name: beckstrous

Product:	Your online social life
Date:	10/07/02 (72 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: You get to know people quicky, You meet people you might not otherwise get to , You make friends!

Disadvantages: The net can be a dangerous place (see op)

Online social life?

Er, no. No thanks. I've got a perfectly good one offline actually. Why would I want a set of virtual friends? I'm not a geek.

H'mmm. Such misguided snobbery was probably understandable when I made my first foray into the sprawling mass of information that was the internet eight years ago. It was 1994, and I'd just started an English degree at Leicester University. I didn't know what the internet was. I barely even knew what a computer was. And I certainly didn't go online to find friends.

We were expected to use word processors for our essays, so I signed up for an account with the computer people and had a look. Everyone was talking about this internet thing, and I was curious, if a little sceptical. After all, people who used computers were pale, Gollum-like creatures who never saw the light of day. Right?

Actually it was more exciting than I thought. Before long, I'd found a website dedicated to Soundgarden, my favourite band at the time (Soundgarden? On the internet? Whatever next?!). There was a mailing list. I signed up to it and eagerly joined in with all manner of anally retentive, over-analytical discussions about the band and their music. People on the list came from all over the world. Like a wide-eyed child, I couldn't quite believe that this sort of thing was possible. I loved it.

On the list, there was a guy called Matt, who was studying at Brighton University. We seemed to have quite a lot in common, and started mailing each other off-list. We started swapping cassettes and books in the post, and after a year we decided to meet up during the holidays.

I was very nervous when I went to the station. Matt looked exactly as I'd expected and when I saw him hovering in the foyer I decided ignore him quite studiously for a good few minutes, not sure what to say. Eventually I plucked up the courage to go over to him, and I whisked him off to the nea
rest pub as soon as I could.

This wasn't a date, mind. He was just an interesting person I'd decided I'd quite like to meet. In his emails he was intelligent, witty, engaging - and he certainly looked just as I'd thought he would - but that was about it. I struggled to find anything to say to Matt, and I was relieved when he went home. Our emails dried up soon afterwards.

H'mmm. Online social life? Yeah, right.

The following year I was at it again. I tried to feign aloofness towards the internet but it really didn't work, and I kept finding interesting people to exchange mails with, especially on the mailing list. I got talking to a girl called Lucy - another Soundgarden fan who also happened to share a passion for Ewan McGregor (ahhhh). She was studying in Bristol, but she was from Leicester - and that's how we got talking. She came home to see her family one weekend, and we decided to meet up. We had a real giggle and spent our lunchtime gossiping about music, movies and men. Suddenly I was a little less sceptical: not everyone on the internet was a computer geek, it seemed.

After Euro '96 I became very interested in football and started to support my local team, Woking. I watched a lot of games when I was at home and for the rest of the time I started following the team on the internet. I found a Woking website and got chatting to other supporters on the fans' forum. A lot of people used pseudonyms, and it was great fun - though I also found it quite odd, because I always used to wonder whether I'd stood next to any of them at matches.

When I graduated in 1997 I was asked if I wanted to write match reports for an independent Woking site. I ended up learning how to build websites myself, got a job as a web developer and took over the site when the original webmaster lost interest after a year.

The site grew and grew, and on the forum we often used to speculate about who
was who. Then, on a Boxing Day match in 1998, someone approached me and introduced himself as one of the people I knew on the forum. He wasn't at all as I'd expected but we became great friends, and to this day I still don't quite know how he knew who I was.

We'd say hello to each other here and there and the following summer, we all met up in a pub, and everyone got along really well. These days we stand together at matches and travel to the away games together - and even now, I find myself getting approached by people I don't even know, who take the time to compliment me on the site. It's very weird, but really flattering.

The group of friends I've met via my football site is a good one and I really enjoy seeing them all every week. Like dooyoo, our site has a great community feel and because Woking is a non-league club you do get to know people quite well. Most of the other clubs in our league have websites too and I know a lot of other supporters - I even shared a flat with one of the other clubs' webmasters for a while. And I'm staggered that it was possible to make friends this way, I really am. I feel I've got to know certain people very well (and I think the internet has helped in that), and the funny thing is, most of us talk in "real life" much more than we do online these days.

All this isn't without its pitfalls, though. As a webmaster I've actually found myself come under fire on the odd occasion, and was harrassed by an individual who rang me at work (he worked out the number himself from a few clues I hadn't even realised I'd made), sent me anonymous letters and even threatened to burn my house down! It's a long and rather complicated story (the police were involved), and not worth going into here. I don't think he would have carried out any of his threats, but it was horrible at the time.

I used to go to a lot of Woking matches on my own. I
'd travel to places like Halifax on the supporters' coach and although I never felt threatened as a solitary female at a game (none of my other friends like football - not even the boys! - so I couldn't persuade anyone to come with me), it's so much more fun when there's a gang of you. I really enjoy meeting up with my "crowd", and I miss the banter when there's no football, though we do see each other in the summer as well.

I guess this is proof that the internet can be a great place to meet people - and to make real friends too - especially when you don't expect it.

Online social life? Well, I was wrong, wasn't I?

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