“ Brand: Synergy / Type: Kettle „
I am the proud owner of no fewer than 5 kettles. That's 4 more than you'd think most sane people would need. But, before you assume that I've opened a rescue centre for homeless and bewildered kitchen appliances, they are all used on a pretty frequent basis. One is at home, one in my holiday home, and the other three are sojourning in my various places of work.
As I've mentioned before, even the most mild-mannered and genial staff can be brought to a state of unarmed combat by tea and coffee issues, and that's before you venture to take the last custard cream from the biscuit tin. Much safer, I felt, to have my own kettle and beverage supplies in each of my schools rather than running the gauntlet of the staffroom at break and lunchtime (honestly, it gets so bad that I've given serious thought to the effectiveness of using the children as human shields). So, with that plan in mind, I bought three kettles. My criteria were pretty straightforward: they had to boil water, be white and wipe-clean, and be cordless.
The first of my kettley trio was bought in Poundstretcher where, incidentally, the name is a total lie because it was actually dearer than the kettle I bought in Tesco. Harrumph. Anyway, this kettle fit the bill, and along with a jar of (what turned out to be) truly, truly disgusting coffee, I trotted off to the till. The kettle (we'll call him Kevin, shall we?) has been busily beavering away to make me beverages ever since.
Well, it won't win any style awards, let's put it like that. It's a very bog standard white kettle. The only minor attempts at making it look super-swish are the fact that the window in the side is made of blue plastic, and the switch is also made of blue plastic. In truth, this goes no way at all to making it look less pikey, especially since the switch looks quite cheap and flimsy and glows orange when Kevin is on. For those of you not in the know, blue with an orange backlight is not a pleasant colour combination.
It will boil water. It would probably boil other things, like custard and tomato soup too, but Kevin has an exposed element and so that would make a hell of a mess. I really wouldn't recommend it. Use a saucepan and a cooker instead.
It's cordless. This is handy for me as there's no cool-touch fanciness with the Kevster and so I need to be able to lift the hot kettle off the base plate and shove it in a cupboard to cool down, where the kiddiwinkles are less likely to knock it over and burn the bejesus out of themselves. Just because it's cordless, though, doesn't mean that you should be seduced into thinking that this is one of those snazzy jobbies where you can wallop the kettle back down from any angle. Oh no. £7.99 buys you the ability to boil water, but it does not grant you the possibility of having a laissez-faire attitude towards your handling of Kevin. You will have to plonk Kev back properly onto the base, or he won't do his duty. It's a minor inconvenience, though, and one that makes me appreciate all that my home kettle (Keith) does for me.
It has a lid that opens. Or you can be daring and refill it by the spout. Can you tell I'm reaching to think of any more features?
~*~On to the important stuff. How long before I've got a nice cuppa?~*~
Tragically, I've actually timed this. In my defence, I was in work pretty early this morning and the thought of actually being productive really wasn't that appealing. It takes 4.53 minutes for a full kettle (1.7 litres), using cold-ish water from the tap. I imagine that that's quite a long time by the standards of more expensive kettles, but this is the first one I've ever timed, so I can't really comment. I do know it's just the right length of time for me to trot down the stairs, steal a biscuit, have a quick go on the hopscotch grid, pretend I know the secretary's name by mumbling a vague blend of vowels and consonants in her direction (I'm fooling no-one) and scoot back up to find that Kevin's done his kettley duty.
So, to Summarise:
~*~Things it will do~*~
- Boil water quite slowly
~*~Things it won't do~*~
- Defrost a cryogenically frozen alien baby you just 'found' whilst walking back from the pub. An oven would probably do the trick for that.
- Look super snazzy.
- Cook baked beans. They're too lumpy. Try the microwave (which, if you're really stuck, can also be used to boil water. Just don't tell Kevin that. He'll only be raging and an angry cheap kettle is a terrifying sight to behold).