This opinion, really is on general bereavement services and what should or shouldn't, is and isn't available. I am coming from this (unsurprisingly) from a personal viewpoint, so forgive any tendencies to melancholy!

I thought of this as a friend of mine was writing a dissertation for her MA (Social Work) about the different services which exist for children who lost a parent or sibling. She asked me for my opinion, because I was eight when my mother died, and was good 'first hand' research material!

She explained to me in some detail about the services which were available, for example the Child Bereavement Trust which provides counselling support, and Cruse, which provides support for parents and children who have suffered from bereavements. There were also other smaller regionally based groups which provide holidays and camps for children who have experienced bereavements who receive funding from the likes of Children in Need, Help a London Child and the Millenium Commission.

And she asked me for my input, and surprisingly, to myself, I was angry. I was angry with her for asking me, and I was angry with the organisations for not being there 20 years ago (even though some of them, for example, Cruse were). When I analysed my own reaction to this anger, I realised that perhaps, firstly, I hadn't 'dealt with' the issues from my mother's death sufficiently at the time for it to have caused such an unreasonable reaction at a later date, and secondly (and this is not a very noble thought, but bear with me for a moment), I was, in a sense, jealous of the children who, today, did have access to these services.

All I'll say, so as not to drag this out or veer into the realms of 'unrelated to subject', that if I had known at the time, that there was another child (apart from my siblings who didn't count!), who knew what it was like to not have a mother, who knew what it was like to hav
e only your father at school days and open days, when usually it was mothers who made a particular effort and for people to ask why your mother hadn't come, for kindly teachers to insist you make a mother's day card for your grandma, because she had decided that today everyone would make a mother's day card and she didn't want me upsetting the other children (!!!), then I think I would have been a lot better balanced as an adult.

Having got over the pouty nature of my outburst to my friend, I did give her the interview she wanted!

But back to the issue at hand of bereavement services, just a note, that even though everyone experiences grief in their own way, knowing that there is someone else who might understand, is vital, even if they don't feel it in the same way, and knowing that you are not strange, unusual, morose or just plain weird for the emotions you are feeling, is vital, especially for a child.. I mean, god knows, you're feeling bad enough.. and sometimes the people who want to help the most, help the least!

So seek out the services which are there and don't be afraid to ask. It isn't a sign of weakness but of strength!