Non-religious funeral service (Funeral Services in general)

Member Name: Tracy_1127

Product:	Funeral Services in general
Date:	03/03/09 (352 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: see review

Disadvantages: someone has died

Yesterday I had the misfortune to be at a funeral for a friend but it was a real eye opener. My friend and his family are spiritualists and so they opted for an almost completely non-religious service. I say almost completely because there was one prayer at the end but no bible readings or traditional hymns.

Five years ago when my Mum died my brothers and I chose a religious service for her funeral, we did this because our Mum was a religious person and we had no experience in organising a funeral so we spoke to the vicar beforehand and gave her lots of information about our Mum, chose a couple of hymns (we didn't have The Lord Is My Shepherd because Mum always disliked that one) and left it in her hands. I recall us discussing the service later that day and saying how impersonal it was.

The vicar had taken some of the information we'd given her and worked it into a ten minute slot but the rest of the service was readings from the bible, prayers and hymns. Obviously if the person who has died was religious this is how it is expected to be but for me and my brothers who aren't religious it didn't really help us much. However it was about our Mum and not about our beliefs so we just went with this type of service.

Then two years ago our sister died. We were excluded from organising this one and went not knowing what to expect. Our sister wasn't religious but the relatives in charge of organising the service had chosen a religious service with just ten minutes about our sister, most of which wasn't actually correct. I'm sure it was the information given that made it incorrect but my brothers and I spent the whole service looking at each other in shock as another statement was made that wasn't correct and yet another prayer was read etc and thinking how inappropriate this was for our sister.

This is not intended to offend anyone who is religious, each to their own and all that, but the non-religious service yesterday was the most personal service I have ever attended.

The service began in the usual way with the family following the coffin in but to a recorded piece of music not the traditional organ. The lady who conducted the service was not a priest or vicar but a lady from the crematorium where it was held and she talked us through our friend's life from start to finish.

We heard so much about what he'd done, where he'd lived, worked and the activities he enjoyed. His family, his funny little happenings and right up to present day, just before he died. His daughters had written a letter to him to thank him for being their Dad and this was read out along with a poem.

Before the service the lady said it would be non-religious and this was not intended to offend anyone of any religion and during the service there was a kind of interval where they played a song that meant something to the family and those of us who aren't religious could think about our friend and what he meant to us and anyone who wanted to pray could take this opportunity to do so.

At the end another piece of music was played, a beautiful classical piece, and again we could either think about our friend or pray. It was wonderfully personal to him and everything he'd been, anyone who'd known him could have walked in at any point in the service and immediately known who they were talking about. There was no padding to the service, it was all about the man who had died.

I've been to several funerals over the years and find the religious ones to be full of information that's only relevant if you are religious and if you're not it seems very impersonal and dour. The non-religious funeral, while very sad and of course we were all aware why we were there, was uplifting too.

It really depends on your beliefs, I think a funeral should reflect the beliefs of the person who has died and not those left behind, after all it is personal choice. My Mum would not have wanted a non-religious service even though my brothers and I would have gained more comfort from it. But my sister would have preferred a non-religious service not actually being religious herself.

It's really opened my eyes to what can be achieved with a funeral service, as I'm not religious this is the kind of service I would want as would my brothers. I found it intensely personal and interesting to attend and there was no mumbling through hymns I don't know or saying prayers I don't believe in. It was the best way we could have said goodbye to our friend.

Summary: Wonderful if you aren't religious