A Good Goodbye (Funeral Services in general)

Member Name: katyboo123

Product:	Funeral Services in general
Date:	27/10/09 (51 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Great memories, smiles and happiness.

Disadvantages: Apart from the obvious, none.

Earlier this year my partner's Aunty died from cancer, after a 14 month long battle against the wretched disease. I only knew her for about 6 months, and I didn't know her prior to her being diagnosed. When I met her she had practically lost her sight due to tumours from her brain pressing on her optical nerve and she had terrible memory loss. However, the family, myself included are the type of people who have a good laugh through difficult times, to try and get through it together.

I helped with her care as she wanted to spend her remaining remaining months at home, rather than go in to a hospice. This was a very difficult time. Between her daughters, her sister, my partner and me we nursed her and made the time she had left comfortable, dignified and enjoyable. This was very different to anything I had experienced, seeing to personal care, changing, washing, bathing, feeding a grown woman was all new to me, and while everyone around me took to it easily I struggled initially. I soon became accustomed to it, and Alice and I would laugh and joke about the situation to make it more comfortable for us both. She had a great sense of humour, and I would take her to Redcar for fish and chips as none of the family could drive, or to Ikea for a shopping trip - despite the fact she couldn't see, I would have to describe all of the items to her and let her touch things to understand what they were. My partner worked in Scotland at the time in the Navy, so I provided regular updates, and every time Alice's health deteriorated I would drive up to Scotland (300 miles each way!) and collect my partner, bringing her home to be with her family. I would collect the medication, do sleep overs to relieve her daughters and then go do 8 hours work at my normal job, take the family to visit her when she was in hospital receiving treatment, and every week, deliver her favourite chinese take away to her! When the inevitable happened, I was honoured to be asked to be involved in planning her funeral, despite only knowing her a short while.

Alice was not religious. She had discussed her basic requirements with her daughters, including her cremation, funeral home choice and the songs she wanted at her service. That was about it. So when her daughters got in touch with the funeral home, they suggested a Humanist ceremony. We didn't really know what to expect, but the humanist, Wendy, came out to see us.

During the home visit she talked about poems, songs, people in Alice's life we all told her our memories, our 'ditties' about a woman who had fought very hard to hang on, to see her youngest daughter turn 18, to see Christmas with her girls, to live through one more trip for a big mac! We told her exactly how we wanted the service to be structured, including the order of songs. She informally gave me her email address and said to email her if I, or anyone else thought of anything else. As Alice had a huge family, I even sent her a family tree, so she could get the relationships right when she talked about them.

When the funeral came around, Wendy met us all outside, we went in to Teesside Crematorium, which is very beautiful and I witnessed the best funeral I have ever been to. It sounds silly, and perhaps even a little morbid, but I enjoyed it. I cant think of a better way to say goodbye to someone that you love than in that type of service - we had pop songs, like Dr and the Medics - Spirit in the Sky, Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams and Moving on Up by M People. My partner read Stop the Clocks (from Four Weddings and A Funeral), her youngest daughter read a letter out that she had written her Mam whilst she was ill, it was all really moving, but no one cried, people laughed as Wendy told stories from her life. It was fantastic.

When I went to my Granddad's funeral last year, it was very severe, a small congregation, incredibly formal and serious. We sang one hymn, Abide with Me, but it was all very fitting and reflected the person my Granddad was.

I conclude by saying, I really don't think funeral services are a sad time, I believe that they are a celebration of a life, and it is the family who are left behind's responsibility to make sure the service type reflect's their loved one's life, that way everyone enjoys it, and remembers how they said goodbye to that person they loved and cherished.

Summary: An Apt Celebration of a Loved Life