Newest Review: ... 12 months or so we decided (not because of Granny) but to integrate her into Nursery, for a day a week, and then 2 days a week. We felt t... more
KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY???
Keep it in the family?
Member Name: stroppy-moppy
Keep it in the family?
Date: 28/01/01, updated on 10/03/01 (66 review reads)
Advantages: No Childcare fees, lots of love
Disadvantages: You can feel like you're not in control
When my little boy was 6 months old, I had to return to work for financial reasons. If we had had a choice, I wouldn't have gone at all, but I did on a part time basis, 3 days a week.
My mother-in-law (to be) generously offered to look after him so that we wouldn't have to pay for childcare fees. It sounded ideal. She is a paedeatric nurse, she knew and loved him and best of all, no more outgoings.
At first, everything was fine. Sure, he cried a little when I dropped him off but that was to be expected and I knew he would be loved and cared for until I got back.
After a couple of weeks, I noticed one day when I went to collect him that he had a different outfit on than the one I had left him in. When I asked her, she said that "this one was nicer than the one he had on". That started to get my back up a bit. This continued. New outfits, not giving him the lunch I had made for him (just throwing it in the bin), giving him chocolate and other things I had specifically asked her not to do....the list is endless.
Then she started saying the night before that she couldn't look after him the following day, due to one reason or another and could I get the day off. Now neither myself or my partner is in a position to do this because of our jobs, and I have lost count of the number of times I have had to call on my mum or my sister at immensely short notice to try and get them to look after him where they have had to take time off work. The last time this happened - only a couple of weeks ago - she told me she was working and I subsequently found out that she had actually gone to have her hair done.
But what really topped it all was when I walked in early one day and heard her saying to my son "Come to your mummy". When she looked up and saw me standing there, she tried to quickly correct herself but it made me stop and think of what she is actually telling him when I am not there.
probably seems like all I am doing is moaning but I am honestly extremely grateful. She has saved us a fortune in Nursery fees and I know that she loves her grandson and vice versa. BUT, what I am saying is please weigh up the consequences first.
* Be firm with them (something I admit I am not good at). If you don't want them to do a certain thing, tell them. Sure, you can't control what they do when you're not there, but you would hope that they will respect your wishes.
* Ask yourself it is worth saving those extra pounds. At least you know that if they are in a nursery they are getting stimulation and bonding with other children. If they are with a grandparent, all they may be doing is shopping (i know!)
* Do ask the grandparent on a regular basis if they are happy with the arrangement still, and buy them little gifts - flowers, chocolates - every so often to show your appreciation.
There are very good points to having a grandparent care for your child and also some very bad ones, you just need to work out which is the best for you. What I would say is, if you have to do it, try to keep it on a short term basis only. At least with a nursery you will never have to try and find someone for them at short notice and your child will get a lot out of it. On the other, with a grandparent they have the warmth and love of being the only child there.
My child will shortly be going to a nursery while I am working which I am sure will benefit all of us. I won't have the same pressure to try and leave early from work to get home on time, he will have added benefit of mixing with other children and doing loads of things which I am sure will be new and exciting for him and his Nanna will get her time back that she has valuably given up for the last 18mths.