Toddler groups - the good, the bad and the ugly (Mother Toddler Groups in general)

Member Name: azana

Product:	Mother Toddler Groups in general
Date:	25/01/09 (154 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Gets you out of the house

Disadvantages: Other people's children can be annoying

If you haven't been to one before a toddler group can be quite a scary place! I am coming to the end of my time going to toddler groups, and I have been to a fair few where I used to live in London and in my new town. When I first moved to my new town I didn't know one single person so they have been a great way of meeting lots of different people.

Reflecting on my time of going to groups in general it has been very worthwhile and I have made some great friends. Had you told me prechildren I would have been spending time in a room with lots of 2/3 year olds and sometimes enjoying it I would have thought you were mad - but anyhow here are my thoughts:

Toddler groups can be an absolute lifeline for mums at home, and some run at weekends too so working mums can network too. They are great for childminders and dads at home too!

For your children the best run ones can be very worthwhile whilst the least organised tend to be places where your children get bashed - I tend to leave these ones quickly!

Here are a few guidelines as to what to expect and a few of the reasons why I think every mum of a baby or toddler should give them a try. You might not make a friend for life the first time you go, but sooner or later you are bound to find a kindred spirit.

- Most groups run weekly in the same venue and are run by mums or churches. You can find details of what is on in your area in your local parenting news or on www.netmums.com. I have been to some that were run for profit and were held every day, these tend to be less personal as in you don't see the same people everytime. Generally you can expect to pay £1 -£2 for a session (more in the London area).

- All the people at the group were new once - give it a go no matter how unconfident you are feeling - and let's face it being the mum of a young child is a confidence sap. You may find some groups are very friendly and welcoming and if they are not, well remember that you went there primarily for your child and try and make sure they have a good time.

- Most groups provide snacks and coffee and tea for the mums. There are usually biscuits and "juice" - aka weak squash or water.

- Some groups will have organised activities such as painting or singing whereas others let you get on with it. Find a group that suits you.

- Newly opened children's centres now run groups. Some of these seem to have had an amazing amount of money spent on them (toys/resources etc) - I won't go into the politics of this, but as they are there, use them.

- Parent run groups tend to require you to help with a job like putting out toys/cleaning up - pitch in as much as you can otherwise it does get a bit unfair and people do get quite resentful. That said if you have a new baby people won't expect much.

- etiquette - personally I feel perfectly comfortable for another adult to ask my child not to do something or to help them down the slide (if eg I am occupied with my other child). All parents may not feel the same, so check what the done thing is.
I once witnessed a memorable scrap between 2 mums in a run for profit group in East Molesey, on the bouncy castle of all things. Accept that other parents may not watch their child as carefully as you do and standards of accepted behaviour may vary.
Approach any "your child has hit mine" with as much diplomacy as that required for United Nations peace negotiations and you can't go far wrong! If your child is the one hitting/biting or tantruming then tell yourself that most people there will totally understand! It does help, however, to watch your child and if they are behaving badly to deal with it as best you can.

- You will get as much out of it as you give, so do talk to other people and be friendly. If it looks like there is a "clique" don't get intimidated, maybe there is just a bunch of women who have been through a lot who you may or may not get to know. Remember you are mainly there for your child to learn to socialise.

I wouldn't spend my life going to toddler groups but they can be a great way to get out of the house, see other adults and for your child to have fun. If you are at a toddler group your child won't be trashing your house and it won't be too expensive.
I think toddler groups sometimes have a bad reputation but they have been going for years sometimes (the one I currently go to has been going 25 years) and can be a great place to find support and have fun.

Give it a go!

Summary: A few thoughts on giving toddler groups a go