My experience... hit or miss! (Mother Toddler Groups in general)

Member Name: kiwiii85

Product:	Mother Toddler Groups in general
Date:	18/03/09 (267 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Make friends, allow your children to mix, learn new skills

Disadvantages: Dirty equipment, rude people, unsafe environments

I moved to a new area when I was 6 months pregnant and whilst it was still in the same city, it was away from everyone I knew. I didn't really make any new friends bar the group at antenatal classes and it was then that a couple of us decided we needed our kids to mix a little bit more. We tried a group for 0-1 years and it was so quiet that it ended up being the two of us turning up every week - not ideal! Needless to say we stopped attending and went out to other places with each other.

However, a few weeks ago I decided that my daughter was becoming too shy and wasn't mixing with other children very well. This put me on a hunt for some toddler groups and it wasn't long before I stumbled across one in a Church around the corner from me. I emailed the organiser who seemed very friendly and I thought i'd go along by myself and give it a try. I lasted 30 minutes before I picked my daughter up and walked out, never to return!

Why? Several reasons really and whilst there are several advantages to going to Mother and Toddler groups, there are also a lot of problems with them and I felt these wouldn't change.

~~ My First Impressions ~~

I walked into the Church behind a young man with his 3 (ish) year old daughter and my first thoughts on seeing him were "Oh this must be a great group if dads can happily come along too". How wrong can you be? I followed him into a room where the mums were sat around ancient looking tables (the horrible plastic things that look like they have lino on the top) drinking coffee and were deep in conversation. They looked at me and turned away carrying on with their conversations. Well, I'm quite a quiet person but if i'd have been sat around that table and someone new walked in then i'd have make the effort and said hi. Instead, I was left to randomly sit down at the table and be completely ignored. I thought oh well I can deal with this so long as my daughter is having fun, not great for me but it's an important part of her life. Then I saw the toys.

The toys were some of the newest you would find in a catalogue mixed with others that looked like they were 50 years old. A good mix is important for children as it teaches them old values and new values alike (in my opinion anyway). I could also see the dirt on the toys that noone had obviously cleaned for a while and lots of children chewing away at them. Call me a snob if you like but dirty toys that children are chewing and their parents don't care? I sure have a problem with this. I don't mind my daughter getting dirt or whatever on her but this was purely unhygenic. I didn't say anything but felt extremely uneasy about the entire thing.

The room was big enough and even had a kitchen off to the side which looked alright although I didn't go into it. It looked like there was everything you would require to run a nice toddler group but it honestly looked like noone cared enough to do anything about it.

~~ Joining In ~~

Well, I decided that my daughter mixing with other children was still important and so tried to mix with some other mums and dads and join in the conversations. A couple of them did speak to me but very reluctantly and they would only answer my question without asking anything in return. There are only so many questions you can politely ask someone before it gets embarrassing and so I would give up. The other children were running around wildy (to call it a toddler group when most were 3) and my daughter wasn't actually mixing that well because she was scared of them so I decided to give it a little bit longer and then leave if it didn't improve.

Then the last straw for me came and I'm not sure I could have left quicker if i'd have tried. There was a large wooden board leaning against a wall behind the box of toys and it actually fell and landed on a little girls head. It was a couple of inches thick so not at all light and only the little girls mum seemed to notice or care. I was rather concerned as the little girls forehead came up in a huge lump but her mum was just encouraging her to go back over to the box and pick out another toy! This wouldn't be so bad but noone had actually moved the wood apart from to stand it back where it was so it could easily have happened again!

~~ My decision to leave ~~

All of the above caused me to leave after only 30 minutes and I can safely say I won't be returning to that particular group or the playgroup that my little girl was going to attend (same room, same toys, same wooden board!) Do I wish i'd have stayed a little bit longer or given it another try? No. Whilst it's important for my daughter to mix with others, I want to keep her in an environment where I know she'll be safe and looked after. Had it not been for the accident with the wooden board and peoples reactions then I may have had another opinion as I am prepared to compromise on some things, just not my daughters safely. I am very disappointed that it didn't work for us on this occasion but I've recently started attending another group with a friend and whilst it isn't perfect or overly popular, it is clean and safe and my daughter loves it. Just to leave you with a few things you might like to consider when deciding if a group is for you or not.

~~ Pros of a Group ~~

Your child gets to mix with other children and enjoy new toys that you may not have in your house. This means they have new experiences and pick up other things that children do where they could learn new skills.

You get some mummy time with other mums so it isn't constantly playing with your children all day long. I don't mean leave them to play themselves and ignore them, but allow them to wonder off within a safe environment whilst you relax for a little bit.

A group allows your child to be ready for the likes of playgroup and nursery as they have already know how to mix with children and what's right and what's wrong when out and about.

You can make some fantastic friends from these groups and the one that I've been to a few times have some fantastic people at it.

~~ Cons ~~

The toys don't technically belong to any of the parents that attend and people are less likely to care about what happens to them. In my case, this meant dirty toys and some that looked like they'd seen better days.

People can be so damn rude! It's ok if you find a nice group like the one I've attended a couple of times, but the group that has been my main and lasting experience was so bad that I didn't intend going to any other group because of it. People just ignored me and if they did speak to me, it was one word answers and they were very clear that they didn't actually want to talk to me.

~~ Overall ~~

I've concentrated on my bad experience rather than the group I've attended a couple of times because it's the one that's stuck with me and I haven't been at this new one long enough to really evaluate it. Yes, I've lasted longer than I did at the previous one but I wanted to tell people that these groups aren't everything they are made out to be. A friend of mine says she really misses out on things like this because she works and her little one goes to the childminder. I ask her what she really thinks she's missing out on because her daughter mixes with the childminders children and she doesn't have to go through the experience of bitchy mums judging you.

Overall, it's a hit or a miss as to what group you attend. Just remember, a toddler group isn't everyones cup of tea and you aren't necessarily missing out on anything by not going! It's great if you find one that you and your little one loves, but it's not the end of the world if you don't.


I should mention that the first group I attended was a Friday Morning 9-12 and cost £1.30 each week. The second group I've gone to is Monday - Friday at various times and costs just 60p a time so I guess it varies depending on area.

Summary: It's a hit or a miss really!