How Much I Miss Mum! (My Experience Of Bereavement)

Name: manicmum

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Product:	My Experience Of Bereavement
Date:	16/07/01 (88 review reads)
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Mum was as most mothers are Special!
She died 6 years ago of stomach cancer.Like most types of cancers it was not very pleasant & was sadly due to smoking.
I was 16 when she was diagnosed- it was all hush hush then, I was told she had an ulcer but she had 1/2 her stomach removed!- I knew it was cancer but I played the game of not knowing.The operation was a success! & she stopped smoking.
Then 10 years later it was back with vengence, a different type of cancer.She made my wedding dress,3 bridesmaids dresses & my husbands waistcoat- in fact she knew things were going down hill but it was her own decision to not let on so that we had the 'perfect' wedding. 6 weeks after our wedding she was in intensive care having had the rest of her stomach removed.4 years later she started chemo as yet again the tumour was back this time it was not going to let her win the fight.
She was treated at the Royal Marsden in Sutton-what a fantastic place is all I can say.They gave her 6 months, she lasted 4.
I nursed her at home with my Aunts help & St. Christopher's Hospice home care nurses visited daily- they were also fantastic.
She died with all those she loved around her & never complained once despite being in such terrible pain- she refused to take adequate doses of morphine as she liked to feel in control.
Dad was so grief stricken he could not speak. I had to arrange all the funeral.
Once it was all over I felt such a sadness.
My mother was a friend as well as a mother. We talked every day on the phone.
Apparently St Christopher's offered us bereavement counselling but Dad declined on both our behalfs- I only found out this a year later.
I still feel a part of me is missing & felt so alone when I had my children. Mum had desperately wanted grandchildren.
Life does go on & it is less painful but not a day goes by when I don't think of her & feel I could do with her emotional support.
I know that I need to get
counselling & will do so when the time is right

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