She had Eight years............ (My Experience Of Bereavement)

Member Name: cata

Product:	My Experience Of Bereavement
Date:	24/09/01 (328 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None I would not wish this on anybody

Disadvantages: It has to be the worst experience of my life.

MY STORY
--------------
Just a brief note to show Charlotte you are not forgotten. Love you forever Daddy xx

Today is the 15-10-2001, Charlotte would have been nine years old. My love for her grows stronger by the day and I know she is still looking out for me.



I have had several experiences of bereavement, with aged relatives dying, people I worked with having fatal accidents or coming down with aids and withering away before your eyes.

Nothing however prepared me for the death of my daughter aged only eight years old.

I have written a brief opinion about this before on dooyoo so I am sorry if some of you feel you are re-reading a previous opinion. However that dealt with my immediate feelings after the event this is really how I have coped since.

Charlotte was eight years old and full of the joys of life, she had a ready smile and loved being out and about. Like most little girls she could tie her daddy round her little finger and I looked on her as not only a daughter but my friend as well.

I should say at this point I was divorced from her mother, when she was six, something that Charlotte took very hard not because mummy no longer loved me but because she thought I was going to move away and never see her again. Luckily she soon realised that this was not the case and she spent roughly half the week with me and every weekend. Our life together along with my two sons was not idyllic it would be hard to be so . Me, a single man living in a one bed roomed flat. We all however got on like a “flat on fire” and had lots of fun together and there was no trouble about Daddy not living with mummy anymore. Indeed the children seemed to look on the flat as a kind of haven and enjoyed having a second home.


WHAT HAPPENED
--------------------------

On the day of her death, I took Charlotte and the boys to her school in the normal way. My eldest son also goes th
ere and at the gate Charlotte stopped and kissed me goodbye, this was a surprise because usually she would be too embarrassed to do that in front of her friends. Today however she put her arms around my next and said she loved me before running off to greet her pals.

Later that day while watching the ladies semi-finals at Wimbledon I received the news that Charlotte had collapsed at school and was being rushed to hospital, immediately I made my way to the casualty department to discover she had not been bought in yet. Treatment was still going on at the school playing field then an ambulance turned up and I saw something that will live with me to my dying day, Charlotte being carried out of the back of the ambulance and being rushed into a back room bypassing the main casualty area. My distress must have been obvious because I was immediately asked if I was her father, I was then taken into the resuscitation room to see my daughter.

I had been told that she was not responding but it still did not prepare me for what I saw. Charlotte was surrounded by a team who where taking it in turns to perform heart massage.They asked me to talk to her and all I could think to say was just breathe darling.

Charlotte was just laying there not moving at all and her hands when I held them were limp and lifeless. I knew then that it was no good and nothing was going to bring her back to me. They tried for ages before eventually saying they would stop when I gave the word and with my ex wife's consent we told them to cease their efforts.

After came the police ,the hospital Chaplin etc but nothing was really registering. I stumbled through the rest of the day; I collected her clothes and personal belongings and walked back home. I couldn’t cry I was too upset, my new partner met me on the hill and at that moment everything came bubbling out. She was gone and I couldn’t believe it.

The next few days just went by in a sort of
blur, now I could not tell you who came to pay their condolences or what happened. I remember visiting her in the chapel of rest and kissing her goodbye, an act that helped me tremendously, without it I think it still would be hard to accept what had happened. What I saw was not my daughter but rather the shell, she herself had moved on to a better place and I could hear her telling me not to worry she would look after me.


THE FUNERAL
-------------------

The funeral itself was hard .The church was full of people I had never seen before and they seemed to me to be looking at me and nudging themselves, saying “that’s him that’s the father”. Then carrying her coffin in and out of the church were probably two of the hardest things I have ever done. We carried her out to one of her favourite tunes “Bring it all back” by S club 7. I can never hear that song played without the memory of that last walk coming flooding back to me. During the service we also had played two other S Club 7 tracks, ”You’re my number one” and “I really miss you”. When she was alive she and her friends would pretend they were various members of the group and sing along to the songs.

Then I took her to the crematorium, my ex-wife chose not to come to this part of the service and I think she will regret not doing so later on in life. I went and said my final farewells and saw her off on the last leg of her journey. This I think was very important to me and has helped me a lot in accepting what has happened. In fact I feel I have been very lucky in many ways. I was there at the hospital when she was bought in; she had spent the previous three days and nights with me. The last night being particularly fun with a film, lots of food and a later bedtime than normal. I knew she loved me and was very happy for me; I can have no regrets and will cherish her memory rather than mourn her loss.



AND NOW
---------------

Then other days, like this Saturday, I was walking on the beach enjoying the sunshine and the fact the beach was completely deserted except for my camera and me. It hit me she was gone and the tears started to flood down my face, was inconsolable my precious daughter was gone and I wanted her back.

All I had kept bottled up came out in a flood of emotion, Binty my partner found me and gave me a cuddle, she has been a real rock and helped me in so many ways.

It was then I realised that what I was doing was the best for me. I have continued with my life and made a fresh start since Charlotte’s death, my Cata website is in her honour, it was something I had promised her I would do one day and she always wanted me to do it. She would be chuffed to bits to know her picture is on the web and a company has been set up in her name.

I realise that I am going to get days when I find it very hard but by seeing her off, carrying her coffin and most importantly seeing her in the chapel of rest has really helped me. I have made myself do things and keep occupied; dooyoo has been a great help as well. Writing opinions however naff they maybe helps, it makes you realise life goes on. Then perhaps tragically the deaths in America bring it even more into perspective. My daughter died tragically young but she had a happy life, she died however through the result of an untraceable heart defect, not through the actions of a third party.

My grieving however sad cannot be a patch on that of a parent who has lost a child through murder I was with her to the end. We shared so much and in the end I was able to share her death; it has helped me continue and think that life may just be worth living after all.


THE SONG
---------------

‘I Really Miss You’ by S Club 7

I called you today just to hear you say you were not around,
When the message was through, thoug
h I wanted to
I couldn’t make a sound
I wanna tell you the things I’ve seen
I wanna take you to where I’ve been
And I wish you where here with me

I really miss you Yes I do- Yeah
I really miss you
Ohhhhhhhhh yeah I do

I’m writing to say I had a wonderful day
Hangin’ with my friends
But the memory dies as the sun reach the skies-I’m alone again
I wanna tell you the weather is fine
When the night comes around you were on my mind
And I wish you were here with me
Don’t you know

I really miss you
Yes I do-yeah
I really miss you
Ohhhhh yeah I do
I really miss you
Ohhhhh yeah I do

I wanna tell you the things I’ve seen
I wanna take you to were I’ve been
And I wish you were here with me
Oh don’t you know

I really miss you
Yes I do yeah
I really miss you
I miss you

II called you today just to hear you say you were not around
When the message was through, though I wanted to
I couldn’t make a sound
I’m writing to say I had a wonderful day
Hangin’ with my friends
But the memory dies as the sun reach the skies
I’m alone again.



I hate this record but it will always live in my heart because of Charlotte, while typing out the lyrics the tears came again, but it does help. You need to talk about what has happened and you need to share the pain. Probably the best way to deal with bereavement is to get the pain out there. Share it and you come through it so much quicker, look back and bottle your grief up can only cause you pain, and your dear departed would not want you to suffer.


Charlotte I REALLY MISS YOU but wherever you are take care and remember your Daddy loves you loads and loads. Till I see you again goodbye xxxxxx

Summary: